I'm freaking pissed!
- Is it wrong for me to feel that i am equal to a guy?
- Is it wrong for me to see red whenever i hear the word "submissive" especially when people quote the bible?
- Why do i have to be the one to change my name?
- Why do i have to be the one to switch church denominations?
- Why is it my age clock ticking?
- How come a 31yr old unwed man has no issues but a 31yr old unwed female has everyone praying and fasting for her? (No, i'm not 31)
I hate that word submissive. I don't want to hear it. Don't quote the bible to me. If u were such a damn good christian how come
u've been fucking for all these years? Talk about hypocrisy! Don't freaking tell me
I've abandoned my culture just because i expect you to view me and treat me as an equal. What made
ur opinion count more than mine? Does the
possession of a penis count more than having a fully functional intelligent brain? Why do i have to complement u? Why can't we complement each other? Why do u have to make me feel like a possession to be acquired? What happened to me? I have a brain too u know.
At the rate
I'm going,
I'll probably die a shriveled up old maid, or maybe
I'll just say fuck it to all u narrow minded
Nigerian men (if u're not a narrow minded
Nigerian man, good for u!)
i feel u love...i'm only about to turn twenty one and eveyone is looking out for a rck o my finger...im like a need a bf first b4 a hubby
ReplyDeleteWORD.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed many Nigerian guys sudden;y remember the bibile when it comes to things that would benefit them. I've told everyone in advance. I don't do submissive. If you feel just because you're a man you were given the God-given authority to be a woman chasing, gluttonous lazy being, you can do THAT without me.
As for marriage. I laugh. Ill do it when i good and ready. Our problem here is everyone cares too much what other people think. I'm building that wall around myself, the wall that shuts off other people's useless opinions.
I'm praying that you and I aren't out there fighting for the last single Nigerian man who isn't narrowminded!
ReplyDeleteI know men our parents' age who don't even have the antiquated views of what women can or can't do like some guys our age do, so that gives me hope that there are some ok guys remaining.
My (unsolicited) answers to some of your questions:
No.
No. I find this passage of the bible (Ephesians 5:22-33; I looked it up o!) hard to read because the word 'submit' conjures up an image of me on my knees cooking and cleaning and being a servant to my husband. From what I read of the entire passage and what has been preached at various times over the years to me, I don't get the idea that the idea we have in our heads is what God intended so I will interpret it my way sha and can't see myself with someone who would take it otherwise. The bottom line of the passage to me is that husbands and wives must treat each other like they would themselves, loving and honouring and respecting each other.
Though it's "tradition" (good answer, right?) you don't have to. Sure, I don't know any Nigerians who haven't but I'm sure they exist (speak up sha...don't make a liar out of me!). I bet one of the top reasons women change their name is to symbolize that you're a unit now...again, tradition has a huge part to play in why that is how one symbolizes this new family. I think if you really decided to keep your name a man who is self confident and not ruled by his family should be able to be ok with that.
Ok, this one I totally disagree with: if you feel strongly enough about your denomination, don't change. If someone is making you change this or any other thing that matters to you, forget it!
And biology is solely to blame for the whole clock thing. If the chances of having a healthy child after the age of 35 were the same as before the age of 35, this clock business wouldn't be as crucial. Unfortunately this isn't the case so yeah, the clock will tick. I'm ok with this because it's a biological thing.
My dear...its not just nigerian men ooo. Its the African mentality. And its not just the bible that is used to justify making a woman "submit". Try the Koran too. I am muslim and i just cannot bear to listen to all the preachings about doing as i am told...especially by my husband.
ReplyDeleteThe way i deal with it...ignore them. Please, i do not even give them the time of day. What is the point??. They haven been in my kitten heels before so what the hell do they know!!! lol
Don't worry, luckily there are a few good men out there who are not as narrow minded... there is a God!!
Like your post...this issue is never ending. (shaking head)
dnt worry, its not even all nigerian men, its the type of man...youll find the one thatll treat u right, nigerian or not.
ReplyDeleteholla
girl, who's the nucca making u mad...abeg show me, let me talk some sense into his senseless head..for this new age? he berra go and sit down.
ReplyDeletebabes, wetin! ah ah, no vex o. there r men who r not like dat o. my man is pretty non-conventional if i may say so. but sha, if it's a naija man, u may learn 2 compromise small. if u have an issue with d word 'submission' (as i do), den don't use d word. call it 'things we do 4 love', lmao. but indeed, there's no relationship where one won't make sacrifices. d man would make as well as u. it can't b one-sided. u making all d sacrifices, or him making all d sacrifices. it's got 2 b two-way 4 d relationship 2 work. pele. don't worry abt d society. it's difficult & maybe fruitless 2 fight it. jsut concentrate on ur own life & d sort of men u date & d one u'd end up wit. it's well.
ReplyDeleteTruth
ReplyDeleteYou can however choose not to marry the typical nigerian man, bcos I just got in to an argument with my ppl cos of that, my solution,marry an italian
babes you spoke out my mind...me too i need answers to those question....u , u only see red when they say submissive..me i see rainbow..all d rainbow colors...submissive my butt...its only when it comes to women being submissive that men start quoting the bible..nonsense
ReplyDeleteI feel you on this post!
ReplyDeleteUs women suffer too much, ahn ahn.
Its obvious that some men are just incapable of thinking in a nothing less than demented way for reasons unknown to me.
The hard work is in finding those who actually posses the ability to think reasonably.But fret not, it is possible!
Well, you alrady know how I feel about this, so I simply let those types of men be and found someone way outside my comfort zone and have never been happier. Now all I have to deal with is narrow minded nigerians period who deem anyone not from Nigeria second rate. Again their problem not mine.
ReplyDeleteAbout the submissive verse, love how that is always taken way out of context. The second part to that verse is that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church (ecclesiates: meaning the people, not the building or place of worship). And what did Christ do to display his love for the Church?? Yes, dear, he died for us.
No use trying to be submissive to some arsehole that wouldn't give his life for you.
When you meet a man who understands reciprocity, never let him go.
Like madam FFF said, there are a lot of men who don't fit the narrow minded bill. Just look well...
ReplyDeleteI think that Bible verse has been severely misinterpreted and manipulated. I see a marriage as a partnership. LikE Original Mgbeke said-there are quite a few not-narrow minded guys out there. At the right time, your prince will come!
ReplyDeleteOmg I just saw the new Dbank/Wande Coal video u posted! Wande coal can sing and sang!!! Will they be in Yankee again this year?!!!
ReplyDeletePreach it! unfortunately, am still too young to bark back at my mom wen she tells me all these things. I am me, and last time i checked the bible said wen we come together we are 1, not he is 3/4 and i am 1/4...
ReplyDeleteLuv Wande Coal now too!
is it not time to update!!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry. You are dead wrong. A good big penis is better than a good brain, any day. Kidding!!!!!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteMarried Nigerian women are mostly slaves. Don't even get me started on that... I'll just blow my fuse.
It is not wrong for you to feel equal to a guy. Aren’t we all born alike? Conceived alike? Even God said he created them male and female to dominate the earth.
ReplyDeleteI married last yr and hubby and I attend different churches. No issue.
The world has made women belittle themselves, making us bear all the brunt. I didn’t change my surname, I just added my husband’s. As men know what they want so is women. I know what I want and its equally my world. I hate it when people feel afraid to challenge norms and outdated culture
It is only submission that they always remember, they will not read the part where God asked men to love their wives like Jesus loved the church. He sacrificed his life!!!
And I totally agree with onydchic and Abbie’s opinions.
Pls send me an email at tadonline@gmail.com. So I can involve you in a project that I am currently looking into.
ReplyDeleteOuch!....'tis hot in here.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post girl. You're saying what most females are afraid to say. I totally feel you especially on #3.
ReplyDeleteI def don't like or do 'submissive'. I prefer 'respect' and 'compromise'. If men and women compromise more in their relationships, (i.e. it's not just one person making all the sacrifices and doing all the work), there would be less break-ups, I think.
Sometimes it's about 'how' one gets a man to compromise or understand they have to make sacrifices too. Granted, I'm lucky o. I looked very well b4 I made my choice. I will certainly not marry a man who does not cook or clean. Some men do take the piss. And my question to such men would be: Am I your slave???? Lol!
From a cultural point of view, the 'marriage age' clock is sadly true cos most of our men won't look at a chic that's past 28. It's such a shame cos most women are actually better at dealing with 'male psychology' and the whole marriage thing when they are older - from 30 unwards.
ReplyDeleteI believe we spend our twenties learning how to best deal with men and perfecting the art, lol! 'Speaking from my experience and a lot of other naija/african females I know.
And don't worry, you'll meet a man who understands and appreciates your point of view. I did... much later in life than the average naija woman. But it won't be like that for you o. You will meet yours earlier rather than later. Take care of yourself, dearie.
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