Light a Candle

"Dust to Dust"
"Ashes to Ashes"

If u guessed thats where i got my blog title from, u guessed right. I figured life is too short, we need to stop the madness and enjoy it as much as we can. Easy to say, hard to do, but try!

I have not made my peace with death. Until i'm comfortable with the knowledge that everyone dies and until i stop being scared of dying i have not made my peace with death. Death! It took me a long while to wrap my head around the concept of dying. I understood what it meant to die, but i couldn't understand why, how. It was too final for me to accept. Then i got to a point in my life when i really wanted to die. I would pray to sleep and not wake up. Maybe i was too chicken to kill myself, or maybe i didn't want to die bad enough but back then, i wasn't afraid of death. I wanted it. I was done with the struggles of this world. Things changed, my depression lifted and i wanted to be a part of the living and that's when i started to fear death and dying.

I think about when/how i'm going to die. Am i going to live to a ripe old age or am i going to die young. I guess only time will tell. I would rather not die in an accident or by a long illness that would rid me of my independence and pride b4 it kills me.

So i wake up to a missed call yesterday morning from someone who would never ever call me by that time. I sent him a text asking what's up, and he tells me he needs my help finding a ticket to my city cos his friend who leaves there is about to pass. Not wanting to believe what i was reading, i asked him if she was about to die and he said yes, she was in the ICU. I met his friend in January when she first moved to my state. She told me to get her number from my friend cos she didn't know anyone here, but he refused to give me her number saying that i didn't want her to be my friend cos she was always sick. I didn't push it, now i wish i did. She had sickle cell anemia. Around 3pm yesterday, he sent me another text telling me that she had passed away. She was 25.

Then today, i was shocked beyond belief to learn that one of my classmates in college had died less than a month ago from a car accident. I wasn't prepared for that news at all. Her tire had burst on her way back from work and she hit a pole. I can't still believe it. The last time i saw her was in july last year and she was studying for the MCAT. She asked me how i managed to do so well in verbal reasoning cos that was the only area she was having trouble with. She had already graduated by then and her exam was like a week away. I never saw her again. We weren't close friends or anything, but she was one of those pple i would always talk to whenever i see her a.k.a hi-hello friend. To say that i am unaffected by her death would be a lie. I'm shocked and i keep seeing her face in my mind. She was 21 yrs old. The news just messed up my whole day. She was Nigerian also.

Got me thinking of all the pple whom i know/knew that have passed away, like E. E. who was like a big brother to me and my siblings. He started teaching me how to drive when i was 15, he was the only one to ever call me princess and he was the first person to tell me to quit mean mugging cos i had a beautiful smile. I still can't believe he's gone or O. E., i still remember ur gentleness, and ur cream fluffy sweater that you didn't have to touch to know how soft it was. I was sad when i heard that u had sickle cell anemia, and was sadder to learn that you had passed away cos i had just sung ur praises 2 days b4 i found out, not knowing that was the day you were being buried.

I'm going to light a candle for all the people who touched my life in one way or the other and have passed on. May your souls rest in peace and may your memories live on in the hearts of those you loved and who loved you. To live in the hearts of those you love is not to die. Peace.

• O. E
• G. B.
• E. P. O.
• E. A.
• E. E.
• E. O.
• A. S
• R. A
• O. U