Saturday, June 14, 2008
...............
My relationship with my mom sucks majorly. I think everything is going okay and then i'm suddenly blindsided with some crap. I never cease to be amazed at the depths of her mind and not in a good way. I really wish i was going away to med school this year cos i've had enough. I don tire. She's one of the major reason why i hated myself for so long. I'm just not good enough. I'm such a horrible person.
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No you're not a horrible person. It just feels that way because we sometimes hear our mum's harsh words in our heads. I had a difficult rshp with my mum until I was 21. No particular reason for the change at my coming of age except that I had finished uni a year b4 that and so she was relieved I was not going to get preggers and shame the family. This was a fear of hers that she continually drummed into my head... 'You'll come to nothing, some man will mess you up...' Well she got one wish... that's a post for another day.
ReplyDeleteI've made my peace regarding her treatment of me. To an outsider seeing us now, we'll even seem the best of friends. If she's upset now, she's more likely to call me rather than my two other sisters. She's been there 4 me through difficult times in my adult life. I've been there 4 her too. I guess I'm trying to say our perspectives can change as we grow and move on. And as our perspectives change, our 'not so good' relationships can change too.
I hope you find some comfort somehow. I always felt my mum and I didn't communicate properly when I was younger. I was so sacred of her... cos of all the negativity pouring out of her. Talk to her even if you're scared... it might help... that she knows know how you are feeling. Take care and all the best.
Honey, you are not a horrible person. I concur with naijalines...please just take a deep breath and perhaps just talk to her. Communication is the key to any successfull relationship including the one's we have with our parents....you'll be fine. Just take heart...big hugs just for you and you know i don't give those away easy xxx
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass...
ReplyDeleteStop this MADNESS!!!
ReplyDeleteyou are not a horrible person sweety!!! big big *kiss*...like overwhelmed naija babe said...this too shall pass!!
*hug*
ReplyDeleteTake it from a mother...
You tend to take out everything that frustrates you, scares you, hurts you, and angers you on your children WITHOUT REALIZING HOW IT AFFECTS THEM!!
Your mother loves you and you are not a horrible person, just look how many times you gave ME something to hold on to...and that is in the blogosphere.
I'm sure you will feel better a bit later, just don't think of negative things.
Someone once told me that it took seven positive things to rule out ONE negative thing.
Think about it. Focus and stay positive, life still has alot to offer you :)
Welcome 2 ma world.......dis is wut I go thru with ma mom er sec of ma life............babe neva eva let any1 make u doubt urself, 4 no reasn shud u think ur a horrible persn...or did u kill some1?......u didn't right?.........
ReplyDeleteU also need 2 learn how 2 stand up 2 ur mom in a respectful way.
Pele sting.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your mom but I do hope I can say confidently that whatever treatment you're receiving from her is due to her desire to do her part to ensure that you grow up and have the best future possible (lol it's ok if the present sucks, apparently).
It's not easy though, but a strong woman like you will survive. And one day, maybe you can even get her to understand how some of the tactics she's used have done the opposite of what was intended by them.
Deariee, U are not a horrible person. Pls do not say -ve things about urslf.
ReplyDeleteYou are good enough, you are better than u think and you will sour on wings like eagles.
Aspa ur mum, try n ignore d -ve things she says. I already no my mum wil alws complain bout wtevr i do, so i jst alws ignore her comments n smtms I correct her. That way our r'ship flourishes n we know what upsets each other.
That said, ur mum loves u. N in whatevr twisted way she is showing it, it is still lv.
God is your strength.
that reminds me so much of my rship with my own mum.
ReplyDeletei'm lucky tho, cuz i know that no matter how much bull is going on around me courtesy of her, she means well and is really trying her best to be a good mother.
you're not a horrible person. you might not be everything your mum wants you to be, but you can be everything you want to be.
dont let any of it get you down.
Well my dear, i can totally relate. Used to go thry the same thing with my mum & from the responses u've gotten, i'm sure u realise u're not alone.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, i'm sure all will be well with time, just don't let it bug u too much.
Keep your head up - seems like most, if not all of us can relate. You sound like a very nice person, not at all horrible. Take Care, xoxo
ReplyDelete"As a man thinks in his heart...so is he!!!" another part says: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are a youth" and another one say "guard your heart with all dilligence for out of it flows the issues of life"
ReplyDelete(sorry I have to come from the Bible angle!i just simply believe that is the basic foundation!).
Please sting I've gone through your blog and I can categorically tell you that you are not a horrible person.
sometimes when parents are angry/stressed,they transfer there aggression to there kids and it comes out looking like they really don't care.
But my dear you need to understand that you can't control what your mum says to you,but you can...if you choose to,control how you react to it...and I beg you in the name of everything good to react positively...
whenever she yarns like that,just see it from her own paradigm and understand that she's only doing the best she can...but don't ever let it get to you...
Guard your heart and don't let negative words enter your heart...keep the good stuff and trash the bad ones...YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE...if you have to chant it like a mantra...do so...whatever you do,think positive thoughts only!