This, that and the third

Hmmm.................. Where do i start from? Matter don hard. 5 weeks to my exam and i have started talking to myself. This is either the beginning of great genius or the first sign of madness. Take your pick. I pick madness. I am starting to scare even myself.

Makes me remember when i was little and my older sisters just left for the States. My mom has a HUGE gap between her kids. I had earlier thot she couldn't have more kids, but i just found out very recently that my dad didn't really want more (long story). Anyway, back to the gist at hand. When my sisters left, my mom was basically left with little kids and no one to talk to. She has never been the type to have close friends. I remember in the evening when we would be in the living room, i would watch her and she would be talking to herself. I asked her on numerous occasions and she would say she was just thinking aloud. I couldn't fathom why she couldn't just think in her mind like everyone else. Well, now i know. It's STRESS!!!!!

My people, i wan die. I'm haunted by the thot of this exam, morning, night and noon. This is me that is never scared of exam but this exam don show me pepper b4. Fear don dey catch me. I can't fail it again oh. To make matters worse, i can't complain to anyone cos they all think i'm too smart and brush me off without listening. I have never bought into the idea of being "smart", trust me i know myself and i don't feel smart. I mean, i'm not dumb or anything but i'm so pissed that nobody will listen to me. So i have resorted to talking to myself.

It was not a conscious decision. I was studying one day and the next time i heard myself say is "nothing good comes easy". Ok, no problem.
"You can do it, this exam will not defeat you"
"This is a challenge, you must fight to the finish".
"If that idiot can do it, then u can" (I bet u want to know who the idiot is?)

Fear catch me. First of all, when did i start sounding like my mother. WTH..... I think i'm slowly going crazy cos it's getting worse with each day. (bad english alert) Me that has not stepped inside a church since 2003 has suddenly become religious
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
I had to laugh when i heard myself say that. I'm such a hypocrite. Thank heavens God is not a man, he for cuss me after i have abandoned him for almost 5yrs, now MCAT time, i'm quoting bible verses.

Seriously, what in the world is going on with all these pple that are trying to talk to me in the library? I just want to study. If they were cute now, i would not be upset. All the foine guys go see me waka pass, the ones wey no fine go carry their sugarcane legs come talk to me. It's not funny any more. The one i met today is not ugly but he's not cute the way i like them. He was really very nice though. I smell a playa! Trust me, my sense of smell is that advanced (these days). He's from Gambia and said he has never dated an African for the 5yrs he's been here. That's craziness i tell ya. To consciously reject ur own race. Anyway, i'm not attracted to him which is a pity cos if he was cute and i was looking for a f...k buddy, he would have been perfect. I'm just saying!!!!! I'm so hung up on looks it's not even funny anymore.

BTW, he is the second guy this week that is paying me a backhanded compliment. The first dude who is half Nigerian works in my lab. He was walking me somewhere when we saw an African lady. He was like she's African right? I'm like yeah. He said he could usually tell. I didn't think he meant it in a bad way cos i can usually tell when i see my beautiful Nigerian people. That is, until he said "you don't look like an African". I was like "what do u mean by that?" cos i been don dey vex. Then he said "cos you are very pretty" I was like What?!!! Then he went on to say i don't look African esp when i smile cos most Africans mean mug. I am not a smiler oh. I'm a bonafide mean mugger which my friends always complain about esp the guys cos they love my smile (for whatever reason). The boy don craze finish and he thot he was paying me a compliment. Nonsense and ingredients.

Then today, my "new" Gambian friend told me i don't look African cos i look fresh and my face is all smooth (he must be suffering from night blindness). I was like what are u talking about. He said, well u don't look like me. You are not black (he's really dark), just look at ur skin blah blah blah. I'm not light skinned in any way, shape or form so i have no idea what he was talking about. These guys better come up with better compliments cos me not looking African is not a compliment. Something dey do the 2 of them. Are they blind or they must have been living in dark caves not to have see the ton of gorgeous african pple out there. I think they were just trying to flatter me.

OHhhhhh....... this reminds me. I bet you guys have heard of Van Viker, the hot, cute, foiinnnnnneeeee Ghanaian actor. Christ in heaven. Pity he's married. It's hard for me to fantasize about a married man. This is the best picture i could find of him, which is such a shame considering how hot he is. I generally prefer dark skinned guys but i'll make an exception for him.