Paper Journal

I know i should be living my life for me, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Parents find it difficult to start treating their grown kids like that are actually grown, in my case, i find it difficult to start relating with my mother like i'm grown. Why can't i be open about stuff. I'm too old for this. Why can't i be free and talk about stuff instead of sneaking around like a teenager.

I'm stressed beyond belief. I have the event of my life coming up next week.

I'm starting to get hooked on my Bartles and Jaymes Pina colada Wine cooler. I tried Boones Farm fuzzy navel and it was great. Would have finished the whole 750ml bottle at one sitting if i wasn't driving. When did i start drinking? I worked at a liquor store for almost 5 yrs. I only drank once a yr on my birthday. Now, the frequency of my wine cooler drinking has increased. Even though i've never been tipsy or drunk, i'm starting to crave a drink whenever i'm stressed. The alcohol must be having an unconscious physiological effect on me to make me crave it.

I'm not working this weekend. First free weekend since August. Halleluyah! I get to practice....

I've been having severe mood swings. I most certainly am PMSing, but then again i definitely remember being told in my psychology of women class that PMS is a socially constructed concept. I don't think my body/hormones got that message. Forgive me for being a bitch! I'll try to make sure that my body gets the memo next month.

I'm on a mission. The re-nigerianization of my fake Nigerian. First stop: Re-teach him some pidigin english. Note to self: Try not to slap him as he mocks me/giggles like a school girl as i speak it.

I'm tired of working; I hate my lab job, and i've become too physically tired to enjoy my hospital job. Who wants to get married to me, take out a life insurance policy and then conveniently die?! GASP!!! I can't believe i said that. Volunteers, line up on the right!

Why am i not eager/thinking of getting married? What happened to my desire to be someone's wife/mother? I thought they said i would grow into it. I must be a defective African woman.

I feel caught between too cultures. To a certain extent. I know i'm always going to do me. To hell with what people think. Still why do i have that nagging doubt at the back of my mind.

I'm sleepy yet don't want to go to sleep. I want to read that novel.

Why do i feel guilty/ashamed? I haven't done anything. I remember those days. I hated it! I never want to go back there. That's what progress is about. I am regressing. Too bad.

I took out my one and only wisdom tooth yesterday. It was huge. Who wants to see a picture?