Thots

So i took myself to work today albeit reluctantly and of course i was late. It was just a stressful drive. I waited until the last minute to leave the house and there was mad traffic on the way. Driving in FL so far has proved stressful. I have to switch to too many lanes to get on my exit both coming and going to work. Ordinarily, that would not be a problem but there's just too much traffic and i'm scared of getting in an accident. Hopefully i wouldn't be given 7a-3p (1st shift). Early morning traffic sucks.

We spent the first day of orientation learning how to do self-defense/safe patient handling training. There's a proper name for it, but i don't care to remember right now. I have taken the training before at my other job. If i hadn't worked in a psych hospital before i would have been scared. Heck, i was still scared. I know i was glad when i was stopped working at that other hospital cos it's really not the safest work environment and not everyone is cut out to do it. But ultimately, i think i can handle myself very well in that environment. I know how to deal with the patients because more than anything i can empathize and know that it's not about me. Regardless of how sick or out of control someone is, they still have someone out there who loves them. I try not to get into a power struggle with anyone. If the situation is getting out of hand, if i can't verbally deescalate it, i call for help. I really wasn't trying to get hurt and thankfully i didn't. Not one scratch on my body the whole time i worked them. Most of my co-workers were punched or slapped, or seriously hurt, but i was lucky and i'm praying that that same luck goes with me this time around. I don't want wahala, i just want to be able to do what i find interesting and pay my bills at the same time.

I can't believe that at this age i am still trying to find myself. I remember doing that at 16. I used to ask myself all the time, who i was. I really wanted to know. Only this time around, i know who i am, i just can't help thinking there has to be more to my life than this. So i go back to med school in August, graduate without any other problems (knock on wood), become a doctor, then what? That's it? My life has to serve more purpose than that. I know i can do more, i want to do more. I feel like i have this itch that i don't know exactly where it is, so i can't scratch it properly but it's itching badly. I want to do so many things. My head is swimming with half formed ideas and i can't come up with anything concrete. Add the fact that i'm not a people person, naturally reserved, and kinda standoffish. All of which can be attributed to my natural shyness, which may or may not be a direct result of being raised in Kirikiri maximum prison with an overzealous prison warden aka my mother, i'm not exactly eager to throw myself out there and do stuff. So as u can see, i have issues.

However, as a start, i have signed up to become a video mentor to a kid in South Africa. It might end of being a kid in another African country but for right now i think it's most likely going to be a kid in SA. I'm really looking forward to that. I believe i am meant to be a mentor or a motivational speaker in the future. I really love mentoring people whenever i get a chance. I like to share knowledge and pass along information, besides i can't let all the crazy experiences i have had go to waste. Someone has to learn from it. So i guess my video mentoring thing is a step in the right direction. We'll c.

By the way, what's up with pple who poke u on facebook, then u poke back, then they poke back......... they don't say a word, whether on the wall, inbox, nothing. It annoys me!! After the first poke me, i poke u, then u poke me, i usually get fed up and say something. I don't get the point of the never ending pokes. Are u afraid of talking to me? What's the deal? You got my attention, now say something. This latest round of pokes is from this guys i had a crush on 2 yrs ago. I deleted him from my facebook page on day when my brain was touching, now out of the blue after almost 2 yrs, he resurfaces with the stupid poking. He doesn't add me back, or say anything. I finally gave up and say hey. He says hey back and nothing else really. I just told him so we can both be put out of our miseries that i just said hey cos i was tired of the back and forth poking.