I'm still a Nigerian Scorpio but i no longer want to identify as "Sting". Never really liked the name anyway. I picked it cos i'm a scorpio and scorpions sting...i wasn't trying to use too much brain power.
I don't want to FIGHT anymore, so i can no longer call myself Sting. All the harshness it connotes, i don't want to be a part of. The incidents of the last two weeks have left me deflated. I can't continue the way i was headed. Too much anger, too much fights, too much aggressiveness. I have decided to massively chill out. Major personality overhaul. I will definitely be looking into going back to therapy because i realize that i need professional help. This is beyond bad. I can't even forgive myself or justify my actions. I went too far. It's hard to deal with because i more than care about this person that i have managed to utterly hurt. I highly doubt that the situation is reparable, but i can at least work on myself.
So while i'm at it (if i don't kill the dog with the fucking annoying half-hungry/half dead bark first), i'm ditching "sting" and i am changing the byline of my blog title. You don't need to watch your fingers anymore, i don't want to bite anyone.
I have no idea what name i am switching to. It might be a while before the switch happens, but it is going to happen. I have pretty much gone into hiding at the moment, deactivated my facebook account, no automatic signing in to skype, if i sign in at all, my phone is turned off. I am withdrawing myself from the world so people don't have to deal with the mess that is me. So here i am, isolating myself yet i can't stand myself at the moment. Recipe for disaster.
By the way, i officially hate school. Boring as hell. I can't believe i have to do this shit over.
Maybe i should add stop swearing on my list......it might help reduce the anger.
Can anyone tell i'm having a bad day? Maybe i'm just having a bad life! Sick of it!!!!
Sunday Laughs..
1 hour ago
Wow. You surely having one of them days. Here's a feel-good recipe, play old Nigerian music and dance like its 1999. You can even cry while dancing sef. You can do this naked sef. That will cost you $250. J/K.
ReplyDeleteI have never commented on your blog before, but I read it a lot. We all go through stuff all the time. It's part of life. Just take it one day at a time. I know, you've heard that before. It really do get better, with time.
All the best.
I def. kinda relate. Going through a withdrawal 'hiding from the world' moment too... although not as withdrawn :( Take the time to heal, and trust that God can heal you whatever it is you are going through. Take the time to enjoy the little pleasures that make you you: listening to audio books, ice-cream binge, reading novels (i know i have a ridiculous list - it could be whatever makes you comfortable, your guilty pleasures). And through it all, don't forget that God is in control :D Take Care love.
ReplyDeleteu know what? the first thing i was going to write wen i got to ur blog was "i come here often bcos urs is a sight for sore eyes-literally". that mite not b d best thing to say now but lemme say this about ur 'stuff' -the world really is all connected and d worst decision would b to try and go it all alone. i am also copying a friend who is on d 'no-more-anger' therapy -say coincidence abeg! anyways u no 4 sure pple r rooting 4 u regardless n God does love u specially!
ReplyDeleteDude, that harsh, even on yourself. Yes you need to take drastic measures in fixing yourself sometimes, but I don't think complete isolation is the way. There's no way to check that your 'healing' is progressing if you don't get in contact with the people who can 'test' you. Yes, you have to make changes, but maybe there's a different way to go about it?
ReplyDeleteI feel you on taking care of anger tho. I've shown myself so much that I don't even have a right to be hurt or offended anymore, even when I don't react - my mother blames 'my anger problem', when i'm offended by an obvious bad joke. It's really frustrating.
I wish you the best dear. Breathe a lil and give yourself a lil space. Look again when the smoke has cleared, things are not as bad as they seem.
ow, my poor baby, i dont like to hear it that you're not happy with yourself, maybe you should talk to someone, someone that will just listen and/or make suggestions, or just make you laugh
ReplyDelete...take it easy, life is not that serious
get yourself some alone time, & most of all, stay ontop of your game, dont self destruct...
it happens to the best of us
we're here, when you heal, so you can tell us how when it happens to us too
looking forward to the new name
hmm....*sigh!*....anger?...5mins madness they say & i have had my fair share of madness in my years on this earth...so nothing to worry about! instead of seeing a professional for your anger mgt/control, you can watch nollywood films [am not joking..seriously]... by the time you don't switch off the dvd half way into the film or let out expletive curses [i hear it sounds awesome in french & spanish lang]then you are on the healing path....& talk more about it....a problem shared is one solved...read the earlier post....goodluck on your test & just know the school year would soon be over..take care huh?...(((((((hug)))))))))
ReplyDeletemy sis we or i understand...good to isolate not so good cos u might need some good words from others apart from the voice in ur head..was just saying the same thing earlier today had such a bad first half of the year that i cant believe its getting better,,in other words it does get better even if u dont think so.. kisses
ReplyDeleteOkay, after calling you Doctor Sting, I see this.
ReplyDeleteSo what will the new name be? Lily?
:p