Today

THE END.

I want to take little parts of myself that i am dissatisfied with and work on them. Let's start with the cussing. I remember a time when not a single swear word was part of my vocabulary, neither spoken nor thoughts. Now, i'm the queen of cussing. Some things don't even sound right to me if they don't have a swear word attached to them. I remember when i first got here (america) and my older sister would cuss and say "that shit blah blah blah" it sounded so cool..... i wanted to be able to talk like that.

Then came the Jamaican dude i dated for 6 months. Jamaican in origin, African American in orientation, this dude could not have a normal everyday conversation without cussing. "Shit" and " Fucking" were like "a" and "the". That's how slowly but surely, he rubbed off on me and i became this person who can't go a day without cussing. I no longer think it's cool or cute, worst of all, i have noticed that it fuels my anger. Sometimes, cussing can be like a stress reliever, like when u stub ur toe or something and u let out an expletive, it can help you calm down. Research has been done on it (i can't remember where i read it anymore). I just don't think it's lady like at this point in my life. I really want to ditch the habit.

After the events of the last couple of weeks and the aftermath, i think i seriously need to check myself before i wreck myself. Seriously. On the anger front, i have decided that since i don't know how to deal with anger, i am quitting it cold turkey. Much, much easier said than done, but whenever i get angry, i have decided to just not deal with the emotion at least not at that time. I will just walk away from it and come back much later when i would surely have calmed down.

Ms. Nitty Gritty was right about Nigerian movies being a great tool for dealing with anger. I laughed for the first time in a week yesterday when i was watching one. It was just so stupid, i had to laugh.

I'm taking deep breaths.
One day at a time
One day at a time.

P.S. Life doesn't always give second chances, so let's try to do it right the first time ....Sting
P.P.S Why do i always have to learn the hard way?
P.P.P.S. I am such a stubborn goat. Urgh!