How to deal with a cheating husband

......look the other way and pamper him more. Then he will change his attitude. (paraphrased)

No, i'm not married so that follows that i've never had a cheating husband. So this Governor's wife gave an interview here, and she said some interesting things about marriage, some of which i agree with and most of which i'm giving the side eye. I think my friend was looking for my trouble when he pointed me to that article.

"Girls did not let him rest; but I have always taken him as my son. If my son misbehaves, will I disown him? So whatever he did, I accepted and forgave him. I talked to him. I have never fought any girl."

In response to finding letters from chics "...............................I’d rather start pampering him."

Question from the reporter: How did come round to apologise, bring up the topic himself?

"No. He did not but he’d change his attitude. When a man is having an affair outside, definitely, he will change a bit. The wife will know it in the house."
 

So, what is she saying? You catch your husband cheating, never confront him, look the other way, continue to treat him very well. Blame the girls, they are the ones that are not letting him rest, he has no free will and responsibility for cheating. In fact, when he sees these fine chics, he becomes a robot, a puppet, a mugu without self control, so it's not his fault at all. Therefore, don't expect a discussion or an apology, just pretend like everything is fine. Do you people remember that show on Oxygen, Snapped? That's how it starts o!

Isn't that called living a lie? So in other to keep the peace in my home, i should turn to a state mugu? The man will know that his wife looks the other way so he is free to carry out his escapades without fear of repercussion? Na wa o! My friend said something which i agree with. He said the reason that marriages of people in the older generation lasted for so long, is because the women were willing to do all of that; look the other way and pamper. I totally agree with that statement but i don't support it. How happy were they? I know back them women had to suck it up because divorce was not a option and it was heavily stigmatized. We all know that Nigerians place much value on your stock as a woman if you are married (which i personally think it's crap but it is what it is). People would look at you crazy if you said you left your husband because he was cheating, because not only does our society expect men to cheat (because men will be men (side eye to that)), polygamy is also part of our culture. I agree that my generation doesn't hold marriage as sacred and therefore most are not willing to stick it through the bad times, but still.....

There are some men who think twice before cheating because they know that if their wife should find out there will be hell to pay. I would also like to believe (key phrase is like to believe) that there are some men who love their wife/family enough not to cheat simply because they know it's not worth it. I'm not married, don't have a cheating husband, so i don't know what i would do. It's easy to talk up and down to say, i would do this and i would do that, but then when you are thrown into the situation it will be a different story.

I told my friend that i don't like talking about these issues because there's never any clear resolution. There are too many gray areas. All of us go make mouth finish, then we marry and our husbands cheat  all we can do is  cry, clean our eyes and suck it up just like our mothers. Oh, i forgot to add pray to that list because that's what is solution to everything that afflicts a Nigerian is. If your husband is cheating and panel beating you as a bonus, just cry, clean your eyes and go pray. Prayer changes things. Mmmhh...Ok!

With that being said, with the divorce rate rising at an alarming rate in Nigeria (i swear before i left Nigeria in 2002, i couldn't count 5 people i knew who were divorced), i think more and more women are unwilling to put up with bullshit in their marriages. Even though i think a lot of people are marrying the wrong people for the wrong reasons to begin with mostly because of pressure from their parents (a whole nother blog post), i think people are less willing to sit there and suck it up especially if they are not being met any part of the way at all, not to talk of half way.

So how in God's name do you now deal with a cheating spouse so that you don't end up looking like a mugu or taken for granted by your husband? I really do believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Am i wrong?   When i do get married, i want it to be forever, till death do us part, that's why i'm taking my sweet time because i don't want to end up with the wrong person. However, knowing myself as much as i do, I know that i will not stay in an unhappy marriage where i feel i don't have a voice and my husband can go cheat on me all willy nilly and i would have to hold my peace because i don't want to rock the boat and drive him out further into the willing arms of those so called "crazy girls". There has to be a middle ground. What do you guys think is the best way forward?

I think communication and marrying your FRIEND is very important.

By the way, the lady gave marriage advice at the end which i think it's reasonable. You should check it out.