Counting my Blessings

Guess who has slept almost 20 hours in the last two days? Moi! It has been lovely and for that i am thankful. Sleeping this much wasn't part of the plan, but my body is tired and the next two weeks before finals is going to be a marathon from hell so i decided to get some rest. Remember i'm doing this med school business without the aid of any kind of caffeine. I'm used to it now and don't even remember coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc exist cos i have a routine at this point. I woke up this morning, with a thankful heart. I was almost getting sad yesterday because i was here, but i get to go home in 3 weeks so it's all good.

 I'm thankful for
Good health - For myself and for my family. No one is sick or has a terminal illness. That is a blessing. I might not be 100% but this is the best i've felt in a long time. Thank God for cute GI doctors :) LOL...i'm such a fool.

Life - I know that i am blessed to have my whole immediate family still intact. It's only by the grace of God. When things go wrong and the whole world turn their back on you, your family will be there. They might not like you, but they love you and they will be there for you. (of course there are always exceptions to the rule because some family members can be toxic, but i'm not talking about those)

Family - I used to think i had a dysfunctional family, until i realized everyone has a story and no family is perfect. You might be on the outside looking in, and see a picture perfect family but you have no clue what's really going on. I was thinking about my mom the other day and how she is such a good mother. She might be overprotective (OVERPROTECTIVE!!!) and i know she's not perfect because before anything else she is human, but she is such a great mother and i look forward to being able to spoil her.

I have many sisters with an irish twin included in there, meaning we are just 10 and half months apart (yes, we have the same mother and father). We never got along growing up but now, she's my closest sister. I'm surprised about it myself but i love it. People used to mistake us for twins back in the day cos they couldn't tell us apart. Even my father saw a picture of her and thought it was me. We sound exactly alike, i've heard my voice recording and thought it was her. My friends can't tell us apart on the phone. No joke. I'm thankful that as friends have fallen to the way side, i have my sisters to turn to. Blood will always be thicker than water. My brother is an awesome not so little fellow (he's bigger than me, that former smallie). He laughs at all my silliness and even when i'm not trying to be funny, he's chuckling away. He totally gets me and i love him so much, even though there have been days when i wanted to kill him.

Strength - I really wanted to attend the psych lecture on Tuesday but since i was up with stress induced insomnia till 8am on Tuesday morning, i couldn't attend the 8.15 am lecture. I knew there was no way i would make it to 12pm with zero hours of sleep. After the 2 lectures, they watched a film titled "Struggling in Silence- Physician depression and suicide". After listening to the lecture on itunes yesterday, i searched for the video online and found it. It wasn't so clear but it was a good learning experience. I've always known from 1st year that 25% of med students are depressed, and 300-400 doctors commit suicide every year. I just talked about this with my resident friend and he quoted those stats for me, including the stat of doctors having the highest divorce rate. So i wasn't really shocked when i watched the video, just sad. A doctor at the hospital my sister works killed himself over the summer.

I am thankful that despite everything i've been through with med school (the people who have read my blog for a while know what i'm talking about), I'm not depressed. I have days when i'm sad, stressed, overwhelmed, miserable, disappointed, frustrated etc etc, but i've never sunken into the depths of depression. I'm able to pick myself up and keep going, keep pushing, keep fighting. I KNOW that it's not by my power, because i'm not stronger than the people who get depressed. In fact, with everything that's going on (90% of which i don't share on this blog), i'm surprised i'm not depressed. I have been depressed before, so i know what it it to be depressed. Being depressed is different from been sad or having a bad day. Trust me! The grace of God has been keeping me and i am very thankful for that.

I think it really helps to take time out sometimes and count your blessings. Whatever it is you are going through, it could be much worse. If you never lose sight of that fact, regardless of how bad things are or how miserable you feel, you will be able to pull yourself together and keep pushing. Nobody said life was going to be easy, you just have to play the hand you were dealt. Everybody has problems, just different problems. Be thankful for what you have and where you are and always try to surround yourself with good people and people who love you. No need for frenemies, really.

I'm going to go do laundry so i can start studying :)

Enjoy your thanksgiving!!!

*If you are depressed, please seek help. You don't have to do it alone.