Akachukwu

So after whining and stressing myself and you guys out over my Step 1, i took it and disappeared. Abi? LOL. I don run go house o. I was on the first flight out 6.35am, sharp sharp. I had no intention of blogging until i got back. Infact, i haven't even turned on my computer until today. I have some school related stuff to do but the peds department has decided to frustrate me with their oversabi and million questions, so i'm taking a break from it.

So how did my exam go? I had a MUCH better day than i anticipated. I didn't get tired until the last block (the eighth hour), I had 8 minutes of break time left before my last block but when i looked out towards where the proctors where there were people waiting to sign in and i figured before i go through the process of signing out and signing back in, which involves fingerprints and being wanded, my 8 mins will be up, so i went from block 6 to 7 without taking a break. Big mistake. I literally saw myself crashing. I couldn't focus or think and i was sleepy, it was such a struggle. I had to keep telling myself that it was almost over. I finished that block with 5 mins to spare and i just submitted it cos i was DONE!I didn't have the mental stamina to go on, besides, i had changed a right answer to wrong as in a previous block at the very last minute and as i attempted to switch it back to the original answer the block ended. Really easy question too. I have been killing myself over it.

Best part of the day was i was not in any sort of pain, which is a miracle. You have no idea. I had help with my meds which i had strategized on how and when to take them and apparently it worked. I managed to amuse myself during the exam as usual. First, there was the picture we took when we first checked in and after every block, you have to sign in to the next block with your CIN and the picture comes up. I looked like someone that was about to get executed. I had no clue i looked like that. You could see the fear in my eyes. Anytime i saw the picture, i cracked up. As soon as i started the exam, all my fears and nervousness went away, completely. I just focused on the questions, there were questions that even if you put a gun to my head i won't know, i just gave those ones to Jesus.

I really can't tell if i passed or not. I hope i did cos i don't want to take this exam again, but i don't want to barely pass cos that would SUCK! Either way, i know i did my best. I don't know how else i would study for this exam if i don't pass it. I've had nightmares (not exaggerating) since Tuesday. I wake up thinking about a question i had and freaking out i picked the wrong answer. I have not been able to just relax and not worry cos i keep remembering easy questions i had and wondering if i picked the right answer. I'm still stressed out by the whole thing, but i'm so glad i am at home around people who can talk me out of my madness.

I feel like we all are in this together. I REALLY appreciate all the good luck wishes, emails, DMs, text messages, and phone calls. Bumight sent me some flashcards and a book which was really sweet of her. She offered for me to call her if i was freaking out the day before the exam, which i was, but i went for a drive and came home and slept cos i felt like crap.

Overall it was a good day. I didn't get a bloody batch of questions. I barely had any biochem questions and  that was my arch nemesis. The Saturday before my exam, i just had to say fuck it and thank God i didn't put anymore effort into it. I've done my best and i've put it in God's hands. I just hope i don't fail. That would so not be good. I'm still praying and trying to calm down and i am loving my time at home. Love, love, love.