I think relationships can sometimes make the sanest of us crazy. You lose your mind, your common sense and pretty much become blind, deaf and dumb (not as in mute but as in a first class fool). At this point, you have essentially handed someone your mumu button and they have no qualms pushing it. This is all well and good, until you get your friends involved. Now, if you have friends that really care about you, after tip toeing around the obvious (to everyone else but you) truth, they will finally reach their limit and tell you the truth. This is kind of risky, because since you are so lost, there is an 80% chance that you will not be ending the relationship. My friends have taken that chance with me, and i have also taken that chance with friends. You can't keep telling me the same thing about the same guy and expect me to not get fed up with the bullshit and make me want to shake you. The handwriting is on the freaking wall, let me help you read it.
I am very careful with people's emotions, especially because i am a naturally blunt person and since i've been there, i understand. I have had to learn over the years to regulate how i say what i say so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. I think i have gotten quite good at it. Now, if you push me to the point where i have to be straight up real with you, no sugar coating, raising my voice and pretty much just letting you having it, then you know the situation has gotten ridiculous and i can't deal with it anymore.
The thing is, if YOU come to me and i tell you MY OPINION, you are not allowed to go and tell the guy what i said. Why are you going to put me in the middle? That is girl code 101. If i didn't care about you or your happiness, i wouldn't say shit to you. Keep on fooling yourself, wetin concern me. Some chics just need to be slapped and unfortunately, sometimes they happen to be my closest friends who i really care about. I have been that chic that needed to be slapped and i have infact given Dr.Sushi permission to do so whenever she sees i'm losing my common sense over some guy in the future. Person dey old pass something. Seriously, you don't have to be in a relationship. Being single is sometimes a good thing. Work on yourself, be free, live, heal and get to know who you are. Why people get so eager to be a couple will never cease to baffle me, but it is what it is. You will find someone, just chillllllllllllllllllll.
I think i will soon retire from giving certain people relationship advice. In fact, i have retired. 3 days to my exam, i left what i was doing to listen to a crying friend. I had kind of being tiptoeing around the issue, but i guess a combination of stress and frustration from my exam prep just made me lose it. I just wanted to knock some sense into this chic. I spent at least two hours talking to her cos i wanted her to feel better. I just told her as it is. I'm never one to tell someone to leave a guy, but this time, i did. It was needed. This was an exact repeat of something that happened earlier this year only much worse and i didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. A day before my exam, i still called to check on her, then I called after my exam but i haven't been able to hear from her until today. Now i'm hearing stories. Just as i predicted she's back with this dude and my name is in his mouth, maka why?
You don't go tell your dude what your friend said especially if you know she's looking out for you. It's just not done. Am i upset? NO. I really don't care. I just know i wouldn't be saying shit to her about her relationship anymore. She can continue with the madness. Just wanted to put a little PSA out there, girls, don't do shit like that. It's not cool.
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this happened to me 2 years ago .. told my gf that her bf was cheating with someone I knew.. it was so obvious, I was there for her when she needed to be heard, then this girl got back with her dog and told him what I said, she stopped returning my calls and texts. less that 2 months they broke up because of the cheating. Since then I've learnt how to keep to myself. I can only advise my sisters if I know their bobos are trying to b sleek. I have no business with friends & their relationship wahala.
ReplyDeletesome chicks just have to learn the hard way, i know it sounds mean to say but you cant save them.they totally lose themselves in the relationship.
ReplyDeletedear, oh dear!..i feel for you...i too have learned to keep my opinion to myself when it comes to man & woman relationship...
ReplyDeletee pele, you meant well, don't worry, you will soon be vindicated. No be today e don start, e don teyy! *click fingers* Time shall tell.
Take care {hugs}
lol you sef wetin consign you for the matter?
ReplyDeleteawww but that was wrong sha but then again like you rightly said, it all has to do with the mumu button.
From experience though, I know they would have issues again and she might come back to u OR you would hear they are having issues and she wouldn't be able to come back to you, just still try to be a good friend to her.
Them no dey throway baffin water with the pikin too...forgive her, na bad conduct :) she go learn
In some ways it's illogical but very very predictable.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I have been there o, my opinion was asked, I gave it, I was put right bang in the middle, I have sworn never again except the girl is my sister and the situation is dire, my mute button over people's relationship has been installed permanently!
ReplyDeleteYou said it all "Being single is sometimes a good thing. Work on yourself, be free, live, heal and get to know who you are"
She will soon learn
ReplyDeletewe have a saying where i am from somewhere in east africa that "people who share a blanket have no secrets" so i choose to keep my mouth shut coz trust me as soon as darkness falls and they are under the cover of the blanket she will tell him what everyone else said about him......
ReplyDeleteThe simple truth is girls don't like each other. A guy can come between a 20year old friendship and the girls will let it happen. It's almost never the case for guys. I say, you live and you learn. i have also retired from being a free therapist to my friends. It helped my sanity
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the friends that come to you with the same problem over and over. I'd be tired of repeating myself too...
My hubby once told me that "you never tell a friend never to marry someone" in this instance "date someone". His reason been that, if your friend goes ahead to marry or date the person and eventually they seem happy, you will become the subject of their conversation.
ReplyDeleteThis i guess is what has happened to you. Pele......it sucks
Honestly sting,I try to be a good friend but when it comes to advice about relationships, count me out, because you don't really know what goes on between the "Couple",unless I absolutely can not help me myself, if my friends complain about their guys i'm like, "ehya take heart my dear" and all that jazz
ReplyDelete