The Devil is trying to use me

This is the second night in a row, i am experiencing what i call "stress insomnia". I only ever feel like this AFTER an exam. I'm usually too stressed to sleep and end up being awake all night. It's really frustrating to be exhausted with a head that feels like iron fluff :) and not be able to sleep. I finally fell asleep at about 3am yesterday and Dr. Sushi woke me up with a muffin at about 8am. I was scared when i heard the knock on my door that early, but i enjoyed the muffin and ended up having it for breakfast and lunch cos i split it in half and saved the rest. My stomach doesn't seem to be accepting large amounts of food anymore, which is a good thing, but i never was too much of an eater to begin with.

My countdown clock says i have 1day, 7hrs, 55 minutes, 40secs to my exam. I remember when it had over a 100 days. I am SOOOOO ready to be done with this exam but at the same time i don't feel ready. I don't think i will ever feel ready. The worst thing is i now feel like my brain is empty and i know nothing. It's taking a lot for me not to freak out. I wanted to finish reviewing First Aid one more time, but there no possible way it's going to happen. Everyone says don't study a day before your exam and i don't plan to but i want to go over notes i took while doing uworld and the flashcards Bumight sent me, then maybe the rapid review at the end of FA. To think i have to go through this again next year for Step 2 is blowing my mind, like how did i not see this. What was i thinking when i decided to go to med school? Ok, i need to leave that train of thought cos i know perfectly well what i was thinking.

I really just want to sleep but i understand why i can't sleep. Since i never deal with this with any regularity, i've never found a way to deal with it. I just hope to God this doesn't happen tomorrow night because i would be screwed. I need to be as rested as possible. Funny how the whole time i've been on vacation from school, i have been sleeping awesome at night. I get a minimum of 6 hours every freaking night, which is great cos i usually average 4hours a night when school is in session. Now 2 days before my exam, i develop insomnia. This is the hand of lucifer right there. You see it, i see it!

Anyhoo, i plan to go get snacks for my exam tomorrow. I'm really worried about lasting through 8 hours without any stimulant plus dealing with my health issue (pain related) which gets worse when i'm stressed. I'm majorly worried about that. Can't do much about it except pray i have a good day with regards to that. I'm still taking suggestions as to what snacks to get. My friend said something that has a lot of sugar, i'm worried about crashing and besides i'm not a snacker so i have no clue what to get.

The exam is 8 hours long with 7 one hour blocks of 46 questions and an hour of break time. Well, 45 mins of break time, but u get an extra 15 mins if you skip the tutorial in the beginning which i plan to do. My game plan is to do block 1 and 2, 10 min break, block 3 and 4, lunch break (20-25mins), block 5, 10 mins break, block 6, 15 min break and block 7, HOME! That's the general plan, but it really will depend on how i am feeling.

I don't know why i am so scared of this exam. Maybe because it pretty much determines your future career path (or so everyone likes to say). If u want to be an orthopedic surgeon and get a low score, you might as well forget it. I don't want to be an orthopedic surgeon, i don't know what i want to be, which makes it worse cos i feel like i need to have a good score so i would have all my options open to me. The pressure is just too much. I've done my best sha. Good or bad, i did the best i could and i physically can't take it anymore. I would go crazy if i have to keep studying for this exam. In fact, i stopped studying at 6pm today cos i felt like my head was about to explode and went to scrub my kitchen floor, hands and knees scrubbing, naija style. Stuff like that helps me relax. I'm weird, i know.

Med school is just torturing me. I sincerely hope it gets better. On the flip side, i have something to look forward to on Wednesday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited and happy for it.

Wish me luck cos i need it. I need a miracle. I need a body double, in fact I need Jesus!