All T, All Shade

In case you can't tell from the title, I am a huge fan of RuPaul's Drag race and I am happy to say I am current on drag queen slangs. Yaass hunty!

Today I will be addressing a very pervasive issue affecting a lot of young Nigerian females. I'm sure it affects people of other nationalities too, but I'm sticking to the demographic i'm familiar with. Apparently, we have a lot of Chinua Achebe or Chimamanda Adichie's protege's running around. I didn't know a lot of people where into writing fairytales. Someone who could not string more than 2 sentences together in undergrad to write a paper (major shade) all of a sudden becomes an accomplished writer as soon as she finds a man willing to marry her. I never knew until now that an engagement ring also has magic powers. It can transform your life and make you quite proficient at rewriting history. Hmmm.....Okay. I have read a lot of wedding websites by people i know which were obviously embellished. If you want to add some jara, what's my own?

Those of you on instagram harrassing people with your bio #mymanisbetterthanyours #mylordship #Engagedtoagladiatormarryingaking. Una dey forget say people know una? I'm not even going to talk about birthday or anniversary posts. As my mother will say, hide yourself!!!!!!!!  You guys keep forgetting that people know you in real life and yet you have no chill or even shame for that matter.The moment that ring is on your finger, you develop the superhero power of delusion.

Recently, a post under the wedding section of Bella Naija was brought to my attention. I won't say which one. Prior to this post, when i see people exhibit themselves on social media I just laugh and keep it moving. It doesn't really bother me because I get that some people would rather exist in their fantasy world than face reality. However, this particular post left me amazed! Like mouth agape, wipe eyes, wetin i dey read so, amazed! This was from a demon child I know personally, Frenemy Extraordinaire, a rat that would bite you and blow breeze on the spot so you don't feel the pain so that they can continuing biting you, a vicious green snake, CEO of Back Stabbing Bitches Worldwide International Incorporated and now Editor-in-Chief of fairytales.com.

The world is coming to an end!

Word to the wise, when your hands are not clean have the decency to hide yourself. Just because social media is available to all, doesn't mean you should partake in it. You can fool people who don't know you into thinking you and Mohammed are now BFFs, but the people who know you will see you for the pathetic joke you are. You can Photoshop your pictures to make them look perfect, choose the most romantic locations, wear the nicest clothes and come up with a story that could be made into a movie, but what are you doing to do to your evil black heart?

Tufiakwa.................