Someone needs to help me understand this phenomenon becos i bet i'm not the only one that has been thru this. About 3 yrs ago i noticed that whenever my ex-boyfriend was having problems with his girl friend he would start to call me regularly and expect the same from me. It wouldn't have been a problem except i never heard from him when things were rosy between them. When i left Nigeria, he was more like a best friend than an ex-boyfriend cos we had stayed good friends after we broke up. So when i got here, i expected that he would still call be and all that good stuff. He was the only one I gave my dad's address, and phone no, plus he knew my email address, yet i never heard from him. Instead i was hearing from people i thot would forget me as soon as i was out of sight. It took me a whole year to finally hear from him, and this was after i had call his home number, left a message with his mom, and did not hear anything after 3 months. Then i finally got his number from my best friend who was dating his best friend at the time. They just started having cell phones in Nigeria at that time.
Anyway, come to find out that this guy started dating his girlfriend about a week or two after i left which (i assume) was why he completely ignored me. Over the years i would get on him about how he would never call me, until i noticed that he would call me whenever he had problems with his girlfriend. One time he was calling me when his girlfriend cheated on him, if he doesn't hear from me in a day, he would start whining. He was trying to decide if he wanted to stay with her or not, and we were in the process of figuring that out when he stopped calling. I hear from other sources that they are back together. No shit.
What really annoys me is that when they are not getting along, he starts to tell me how much we wants to be with me and all that bull crap. Towards the end of last year, he started calling me again, by this time i was on to him and i knew immediately that he and his girlfriend were having problems. Then he proceeded to tell me that i was his soul mate and he would like to eventually get married to me. He believes i'm the perfect one for him and all that jazz. I bought into his crap for a hot minute and i asked him if he was completely done with his girlfriend, of course he said yes. I wasn't completely convinced that he had changed and i carried on talking to the guy i was talking to over here. After about a week of professing his undying love, i stopped hearing from him again. Hmmm........ I called him on his birthday which was about a month after i stopped hearing from him and he mentioned his girl friend's name for some reason, so i asked him straight up if they were back together. He hesitated for a second and then said "kind of". I saw RED! I was like, i thot u said u wanted to be with me, why are u still with her. He really opened his mouth and said "So? Does that mean we cannot still be together?"
I was so pissed off. I held back from cussing him out cos it was his birthday, but i hung up on him and we didn't speak until a month ago. He ask me if i expected him to sit around waiting for me without having anybody. That's when i knew he wasn't the same person i thot i was dealing with. This was a different breed. If that was the first and only guy that has done that to me, that would have been fine. I've had two other people do the same thing to me, but i didn't take them seriously, cos by then i knew the game. So na me them wan use take console themselves?
2 days ago, my very first boyfriend whom i haven't seen since 2001 was telling me that he misses me and asking me if i missed me? Wetin u talk? Miss u? Me? Why? After all the nonsense he pulled, granted we were really young, but why should i miss him after all these yrs. I can barely remember the details of that relationships. He started telling me about first love and all that jazz after i asked him if he was okay. I really thot something was wrong with him and yes there was something wrong with him. His girlfriend just dumped him. Ha!!!
This dude was rubbing it in my face on my birthday last yr when i met him online. He was like, how's ur boyfriend? I said i don't have one. Then he proceeded to console me and tell me that i shouldn't worry that God will provide (really!). Then he says i'm here with (girlfriend's first name)(his last name). I was like who is that cos i knew that was not his sister's name. He tells me it's his girlfriend who he has been with since 2002 ( i knew her as another name). He proceeds to tell me how lovely she is and all that. In my mind, i was like God punish u! Anyway, now that she has dumped him cos according to him he lost his looks and had to sell his car, he has remembered me. Hisssssss............................... nonsense and ingredients.
My question is (and i'm serious) what's with all these dudes? Why do they remember me when they are not getting along with their girlfriends? What am i? Someone to fall back on or what?
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that's some messed up shit
ReplyDeletewhatnahell?
just screen their calls
Nevermind a boyfriend, a true friend woudln't do u dirty like that
Yup, when they get dumped, all of a sudden they remember those nice girls that they treated like sh!t and let go and they hope that she's still around, waiting to help them lick their wounds.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard but I'd just cut them off: I have a hard time maintaining a friendship with people I was really into who rejected me (even if we never actually dated) so I like to just cut them off but if you're good at being friends with them then keep them as friends, but at arm's length. And definitely let them know you're not a hotline for men who are missing being in a relationship!
I'm so susceptible to the nostalgia of old "almost relationships" (in my case) though...these men gaan!
hmmm....i really dont know why these happens to you, but i believe if the right person comes along he wouldnt behave that way....
ReplyDeleteBabe...I dunno why its happening o...but it just goes to show that they are all jerks...All u just have to do is screen them ASAP...and move on with your life..you have better things to do with your life love!
ReplyDeleteBuck up darling. You are NOT the fallback chick in the sense that you're an afterthought. Goodnaijagirl hit it on the head when she said that these aholes remember the GOOD, NICE girl they were with and treated like excrement. That's all. They equate nice with pushover and easy and will take them back at the drop of a hat. Don't stress dear. You are a jewel and unfortunately, these jerks are swine.
ReplyDeleteGurl, you must be a very nice person o. When you end a relationship with some one, really end it. They don't need to be fooling around with your mind. let them sort out their own shit by themselves. The one who told you he was with his gf and wrote her name with his surname....the nerve of the guy. Olodo. *hiss*
ReplyDeleteMehn, just waka pass and click ignore!
Been there, done that...will never do it again.
ReplyDeleteWant an advice? Use him [them] back. Preferrably, if possible, spend their money. That's the easiest way for me. LOL.
Use me, I use you... equality is [should be] the standard of life. If he wants to talk, tell him to come and take you out so you can talk about it "over dinner" LOL.
Better yet...talk about it while shopping.
Not trying to be sarcastic, so forgive any possible traces of it. But, could it be that you are too available to your ex-boyfriends? I mean, when they are down, you give of your time, but they never return the favor do they. I advocate a no-ex-boyfriend approach. Forget all those silly boys and don't pick up when they call or IM you. If and when you guys jam each other, give them very little information about your life and when they start to tell you their sob stories, smile and politely inform them that you need to go get yourself a pair of sexy shoes. In due time they will realize that your shoes are more important and will stop being selfish and taking advantage of your kindness.
ReplyDeleteSorry, just my 2 cents ad I just gave this same suggestion to a friend of mine over the weekend, thus it is fresh on my mind. Take care, babe!
nothing do u o, as u said dy r looking 4 who 2 console them.
ReplyDeleteI believe there is no point being friends with Xes. No emails, phone calls or chats. 4get them.
9c blog.
@dejanae: I totally agree
ReplyDelete@goodnaijagirl: I try to cut them off initially, but i guess i'm such a softie. Don't like to hold grudges and stuff like that. But it's time for a change
@obinwanne: I think so too
@naijababe: I'm at that point in my life right now. I've harden up big time.
@yankeenaija: Thanks. I agree becos that exactly what i thot.
@naija chickito: Don't mind him, how she has dumped him, he's crying in my ear.
@vera : You are such a clown. I guess i shouldn't be providing y crying shoulder and listening ears for free.
@solomonsydelle: I didn't detect any sarcasm and i agree with u. My friend gave me that advice a long time ago, but i just don't like being mean to people. But now i see it's not being mean, it's just me looking out for myself. Thanks for the advice.
@oluwadee: That's what's going to be happening from now on.
babe sup men no vex say you never hear from my end since some small katakata just dey. but i done bam now
ReplyDeletemen abeg fashi all does yeye no good ex's dem just they put you for work.the truth is that they believe becos of your past relationship with them they could take advantage of you emotionally.to hell with them jare but i blame you small sha im be like say you 2 send them.
sting those guys are out of your life for a reason pls let it remain that way
I always just cut ex's off immediately, cuz I learned that if I continue to be there for them they treat me as some kind of back-up option.
ReplyDeleteu know wat gal?
ReplyDeletethese guys call u cos they know u have a listening ear,
they know u have a good heart and will always be there to pick up their calls,
wat u can do is block them from callin or better still dont pick up or give room for communication,
u will find a good person just like u, these things take time and most times its usually for the best,
cheers dear
im going to b a bit brutal and say the problem here is that maybe u allow ur ex's to see u a certain way so they know they can disrespect you and what you had by using you as the back up.
ReplyDeleteAnd no bones about it, it is disrepect. No true friend uses you like that.. no one who understands you uses you like that.
so get out of dodge. Anyone who uses u like that aint worth having in your life.
well i dont have an ex....but i think you should just cut them off completely from your life...so that they dont come and dump thei baggages on you alright?
ReplyDelete