What makes you happy?

There's just a few hours left in 2010. I especially glad to see this year go for many reasons and i am extremely thankful that i and every single member of my family made it through the year alive and healthy. The end of the year is usually a time to reflect and make resolutions to do thing differently or things we've never done before. I think time is very relative, so anything changes i felt i needed to make, have already been implemented long before now. I'm not big on procrastinating.

I haven't made any new year resolutions and i'm not going to but i have spent a lot of time reflecting on the past year. I love where i am in my life right now and it took a lot to get here. Happiness. It's amazing the number of people who have no idea what makes them happy. I remember the first person who asked me what made me happy. No one had ever asked me that before and i didn't have an answer. It's been over 5 years since i was asked that question and i have had time to study myself and find the answer.

True happiness comes from within. It's very easy for people to fall into the trap of believing that people or things can make them happy. "If only he treats me this way or stop smoking or spend time with me, i would be happy. "I just need to lose this weight and i would be happy" "If i could just get this plastic surgery to fix my nose or get a bigger butt, my life would be perfect." It usually never works. You can get temporary satisfaction from those things but in time it fades away and you are left with the emptiness or feeling of dissatisfaction you had before. People can add to your happiness but if you are truly unhappy, no one can make you happy. You have to be happy first by yourself before someone else can add to your life.

As the new year is upon us, this is the perfect time for do-overs and new beginnings. Make your happiness a priority. Find out the answer to this simple question "What makes you happy?" I ask that God's blessings and mercy continues to follow us and that the good lord gives us the grace to go through life's journey.

I want to say a big thank you to all the people who take the time to read this blog. I appreciate the comments and i appreciate my silent readers also. You guys are wonderful and i feel blessed that this blog has been a source of inspiration  (to at least one person).

Happy New Year!!!

Judging a book by its cover

I saw a cute guy today. One quick look, long enough for it to register he was a fine boy, and i turned away in disgust. It has finally happened, i am on the war path with fine boys. I never thought i would see this day. It got me thinking about the notion of judging a book by its cover. It can work for you or against you depending on who is doing the judging and why.

It has worked in my favor a lot so i can't really complain. I remember in JSS3 for our Agricultural Science practical, we were each given a row of dirt and asked to plant corn. Our work for that term was to weed our row, water it and if we wanted to pass, we'd better make sure something edible (preferably corn) grew out of that dirt. There were over a hundred of us in my set, so you can imagine how big of a farm the Agric Science practical turned out to be.

I can't remember what happened that year, but it ended up being only JSS 3 girls in school (I went to a single sex school), because i think we had to come back to write our JSCE for some reason. By that time the corn had grown and was ready to be harvested. If the school authorities sent out a memo saying we were not allowed to harvest the corn that we had labored and gotten blisters for, i never got that memo and apparently neither did most of my classmates. So on one bright Saturday morning, my friend and I decided it was time to go harvest our corn. To be honest, i can't remember who put the idea in whose head, but we were the first to go and harvest our corn. We then took some of it to one of the dorms no one was living in (cos everyone else was home) and went to boil it there. We happened to have stoves in school at the time because of Home Economics practical (how convenient) but we were not supposed to be using the stoves in the dorm. Anyway, by the time we were done with our corn boiling and came back to the dorms everyone else was in, almost everyone had followed suit and gone to harvest their corn.

Before we could say Jack Robinson and settle down to eat our boiled corn, our dorm mistress, matron and a bunch of other teachers had descended upon us. Apparently, someone went to kobalise us. Come and see pandemonium. Girls were running helter skelter, corn husks were being stuffed into lockers, thrown out of windows, stoves shoved in corners, under beds and what not  The teachers then decided to search everyone individually. We were asked to stand in front of our beds and take turns. When it got to my turn, our caterer was like, "no need to search her, she's one of the good ones". See groove. I had boiled corn and the rest of my corn stashed in my locker. I would have been in troubleeeee if i had opened my locker because we didn't have time to properly hide stuff cos my dorm was the first you walked into when you came into the hostel. Till today, i have no idea why that caterer assumed i was one of the good ones. I barely had any interactions with her before that day and i was very puzzled about it for a long time, but that was just the first instance of how my "innocent" look has managed to save my ass. There are many more, but i will save that for another day.

Anyhoodle, back to the devil incarnate good looking guys. It's easy to meet them and assume the best (unless they have a reputation), and it's easier for them to get chics because everyone wants to be with them. I have heard many girls say they don't want to be with a cute guy because of the competition and he is more prone to cheat or they don't want to have to constantly deal with other chics wanting their man. I don't know how valid those claims are but they exist. I'm not innocent in this matter because i am (or used to be) one of those people who put a lot of stock on good looks but no more. I've come to discover that a lot of them are just a waste of good looks, cute on the outside, evil on the inside. Maybe, just maybe if they were not so good looking, it would have been easier to spot that blackness that exists inside of them.

Long story short, i'm on the war path with fine boys. If you know you are good looking, respect yourself and don't talk to me. Don't even as much as look at me because when i see you, all i see is the endless possibility of evil that exists inside you.

LOL.....it's not that serious o! Just kidding. I shall judge you on a case by case basis. You no longer get a pass from me. Shikena?  Now that we are on the same page, have a happy new year.

Nigerian Vs. Other Africans

I love my African people, Nigerian or not. Remember when Ghana made it to the quarter finals and Nigeria didn't, I became a Ghanaian o! I don't discriminate. But i've been hearing some stuff about other Africans not liking Nigerians. I haven't directly experienced this but i keep hearing stuff like Nigerians think they are better than other Africans etc etc

So yesterday i was talking to my friend and i said "you know how we Africans are loud" and i was promptly corrected that it wasn't all Africans but just Nigerians that had the reputation for being loud. I thought about it for a minute and i agreed simply because in my experience that seems to be the case most of the time. A Nigerian can be standing in front of you and be yelling all in the name of having a conversation and when you mention it, they say "Sorry, I'm Nigerian". True story. I might or might not be guilty of having pulled the "I'm Nigerian" excuse on occasion.

Anyway, back to the Nigerian vs. other Africans issue. When i first came to the States in 2002, the first school i went to was pretty much a college filled with international students from all over the world. I was excited to say the least. I just couldn't wait to meet people from other countries and i did. Ethiopian (I think they have really cute guys), Eriteans, Somalians, Sudanese, Indians, Asians (not Asian-Americans), i met them all and i loved it. Of course there were Americans at the school but there was a decent sized amount of new immigrants at that school. I never noticed anyone not like me because i was Nigerian.

The people who had issues with me (never happened in school though) were African-Americans. I have been asked on multiple occasions why we Africans think we are better than them. That thought never occured to me until i was asked the question, so the first time i was caught off guard. By the second and third times i had had the "opportunity" of being told to go back to Africa, had been mocked because of my accent, accused of coming here and wanting to take benefits meant for Americans and what not, so i knew i wasn't the one with the problem.

To think that other Africans have the same attitude towards Nigerians, that some African-Americans have towards us is mind-boggling. I don't know how the average Nigerian here carries themselves towards other Africans, but i would be the last person to think i'm better than another African. When we are being teased and mocked and discriminated against, these people don't care that you are Nigerian. You are black, open your mouth and have an accent, bam! We are all lumped together. I think it's sad really because i've heard it enough to believe that some other Africans don't like Nigerians.

So what's the deal people? What's really going on with this Africans vs. Nigerians beef?

Med School Tips.

This is an ongoing thing i have decided to do. As i go along, i will share what i have learned during this med school journey and hopefully someone, somewhere will benefit from it.

1. Before you start med school, have as much fun as possible with your free time because after you start your time is no longer yours. So the summer before, if you can travel, see the world, whatever, do it. Don't worry too much about studying because that's pretty much all you will be doing in the coming months. 
2. With that being said, med students do find time to party and have fun. For the average student, that usually happens after exams. If your school is on a block system like mine, you technically get the weekend off after every block to party or sleep or do whatever you deem fit. We do have some students who find time to party and stuff regularly, but don't ask me how their grades are because i don't know. Afterall, P= MD
3. Handle your business and get your stuff in order before you start. If you have a health condition, go see your doctor, make sure it's under control and you can manage it with the stress that comes with med school. If you are not in a good, supportive relationship, my harsh advice would be to break it off because it will do you more harm than good. You will already be stressed enough, you don't need any additional stress. Trust me.
4. When it comes to studying, i don't know about other schools, but my school pretty much wants you to give it back the way they gave you. They don't care that you have 600 pages to read. If it's on a page, regardless of how minute or irrelevant you think it is, unless they explicitly tell you not to worry about it, you better know it and know it well. Don't study like you are reading a novel. If you can't tell someone every single thing that's on a page, that means you don't know it and you are not ready to turn that page. 
5. Be prepared for 12hr study days to be the norm. But then again, if you are just aiming to pass, you might not have to do all of that. My school has an Honors/High Pass/Pass/Low Pass/Fail grading system, and you cannot have more than one Low Pass or Fail in an academic year, so i'm sure this will be different for someone who attends a school that's just pass and fail and has a different policy.
6. It is very important to take breaks. You can't study for 12 hours straight unless you are a machine. I haven't met a med student machine yet. Once productivity starts getting low, take a break, nap, watch TV, go play sports, exercise, whatever is your chosen form of stress reliever, do it. I think this is really important. I find blogging to be a good outlet which is why i still find the time to blog.
7. Understand that it's not how long you study that matters but how productive you are when you are studying. Are you understanding and retaining? If not, then you are wasting precious sleep time.
8. When it comes to how to study, you have to find what works for you. Some people get it faster than others. It's safe to start with what worked in undergrad and tweak it as you go along. I made the mistake of overhauling my whole study routine when i started and that was a bad move. All the advice out there of pre-reading, forming questions and going back to read....ermmm, did not work for me. You won't have time to finish all you have to do and know it well, if you go with that advice. So now, as soon as my eyes hit the book, i start memorising my stuff. Even if i don't understand what i'm reading, the first or second go around, by the third or fourth go around when i have it committed to memory, i find that i understand it. Try to read over your notes as many times as possible also.
9. You have to find what works for you and stick with it regardless of what everyone else is doing. Remember, people learn differently. I am more of a visual learner than an auditory learner. Everyone has a dominant style of learning. The ideal thing would be to blend all.  I'm one of those "show me" people because i need to see it. In my school, a typical day starts at 8.15am and ends at 4 sometimes 5pm. I can't do it. I just can't. By the time I get home i will be bone tired, and probably won't start studying until 7pm and then probably be only able to get in 5hrs of studying before I have to go to bed. 5hrs of studying in med school is nothing!! I find that in order to not fall behind and still know everything, i need a good 8-12hrs of studying everyday. No joke. 
10. Therefore, i only went to mandatory lectures and small groups for Biochem and Evidence based medicine and Anatomy lab. I don't even know what some of my professors look like. I was more in control of my time and never fell behind. I have to add that i had the study guides (lecture notes, really. Don't know why they refer to it as study guides) that we all were given, co-op notes from previous years and we get the audio and video of our lectures on itunes and the powerpoint slides on the school website. So you really don't have to go to class if you don't want to. 
11. P= MD; If all else fails, as long as you pass, that's all that matters. Just because you were a star and the top of your class in undergrad doesn't mean that will translate into med school. Prepare to be humbled by med school. Don't be surprised to find yourself being average. Remember, most med students are smart and were the best in their class in undergrad so don't kill yourself if you are not honoring all your classes, like i said earlier, P = MD.
12. One thing i learned this semester that i didn't think was humanly possible was that you can do med school without caffeine (coffee, tea, soda, energy drinks, etc etc). Now, I can't drink anything that has caffeine in it because of health reasons. Trust me, it was very scary when i went back this semester and it was a major concern for me. I had to learn the fine art of power naps which if i'm being honest i have still not mastered. The truth is caffeine really isn't good for your body, and not being able to drink it forced me to be more disciplined with my study time, knowing i don't have that help and it also forced me to get rest. 
13. If you are able to drink caffeine, you might as well buy stocks in starbucks or invest in a good coffee maker cos you will get addicted to it and then like a lot of my classmates, develop a tolerance for it. A lot of them say, it doesn't work for them, but they still drink it. I guess there's a psychological component to that. To be honest, sometimes i wish i could drink it though, but what're you gonna do?
14. You have to have a good support system. Family, friends, classmates, boyfriend, girlfriend, pick someone who is understanding and you can cry to and can boost you up. It doesn't have to be a bunch of people. Just find someone who understands what you are going through and can empathise. I once had someone trivialize how stressed i said i was because he is in grad school getting a PhD and he was comparing it to what he did. M'kay! It's not the same thing. That i know for a fact because i worked in a research lab for 3 years with PhD candidates and yes, they did get stressed from time to time, but it's not the constant stress that med students are under. Bottomline, find someone who understands because as they say "who no go, no know".  You will need it a lot. Today it could be you crying and tomorrow, it could be your friend. Me and my friend joke about how we recycle each other's words of encouragement. You guys will help boost each other up and remind yourselves why you chose to get into this profession. You can't do this alone. That is a one way ticket  to depression. 
15. Yes, it is that stressful. Med school is hard. There's no way i can qualify or even quantify what i mean by hard until you experience it yourself. But it is doable, as countless people have done it before you and it is worth it, especially if this is what you want to do with your life. 
16. All the tears, fears, anxiety are all part of the process and you just have to hang in there because it really doesn't get better :) This is your new reality, you just have to go with the flow and roll with the punches. 2nd year is harder than 1st year and so on and so forth. I was complaining to a resident friend and he said this is the life you chose for yourself, and it doesn't get better so get used to it. I felt like slapping him but he was right.

 If you are pre-med or a med student and have questions or whatever feel free to contact me. I'm always willing to help (if i can). I hope someone finds this helpful. Remember, i am speaking from my personal experience and this might not be the case for every other med student out there. This is just MY opinion. Take it for what it is.

Will Smith's Wisdom

"Being realistic is the most travelled road to mediocrity" Wooh!!!
Pls listen to this. It is awesome.

Pro-life vs Pro-choice

I am Pro-choice for the simple fact that i believe every woman should have the right to chose what she wants to do with her body.

With that being said, I don't that i will ever be able to have an "elective" abortion. I use the word elective to refer to the "oops, i'm pregnant and i'm not ready for a baby" situation. There are many situations where it is not safe for a mother to continue a pregnancy and they have to terminate it. I'm not talking about those. I have a 16 month old niece and to say i love her is an understatement. I totally understand those parents who always talk about their kids and all the little things they do. She fascinates me to no end. Watching her learn how to do stuff, try to talk and everything else that comes with development is something i can never get tired of.
I don't know what she was doing yesterday but i was watching her and that's what that thought occurred to me.

When people are getting emotional about the abortion issue, they usually call it murder and use other emotionally charged adjectives to describe it. When does life actually start? When the embryo changes to a fetus? I don't know. But one thing i do know is that regardless of what choice of word is used, I could never do it. It would always bother me especially if it was an "elective" abortion. This is something i have to think about especially as someone who wants to be a part of the medical profession because i know there are doctors who refuse certain services to their patients because of their personal beliefs and i think they are within their right to do that.

This brings me to the people who use abortion as birth control. I had written about an audio i heard in a previous post of this chic telling her boyfriend who asked her what if she got pregnant because she didn't want to use a condom, and she replied by asking him "Dem no dey remove am" and she went on to talk about the chic she took to have an abortion and what you can drink to get rid of a pregnancy. I wish i could get the audio for you guys, because the whole conversation was mind blowing in a negative way. People like that make me sick because she's talking about having an abortion like she's going to take a dump. That is just crazy to me. There's are instances of rape, incest, and stuff like that. I can never support forcing a rape victim to have the baby of her rapist, or an 11 year old have the child of her father. There are people who will sit there and look you in the eyes and tell you that no matter what there's no grounds for abortion, i think those people are crazy too.

With all that being said, I am still pro-choice. I still believe that as women we should have the right to chose what we want to do with our bodies but at the same time i think we should be smart about the choices we make so we don't end up in the position of having to makes those tough decisions. If you know you are not ready to have a baby, then don't have unprotected sex and if something happens, that's why there's plan B. Yes, it's not always black and white like that but let's do the best we can.

Let's continue to learn, be smart and make better choices.

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas

Hello everyone,

It feels good to say Merry Christmas, especially in this day of political correctness where everyone has to say Happy Holidays (na wa). So i have been busy working on my Blog(s)Ville Gist site. Considering i am an absolute novice when it comes to html codes, i am pretty impressed with how much i was able to do with that blog. I just had to take advantage of this break to work on the site. There's still so much i want to do but i don't know how to do it and i have to continue to figure it out as i go along. I'm thankful for what i have been able to achieve so far.

So please, take a moment to visit the site and see what Madame Sting has been up to instead of relaxing on this well earned and deserved break.

Merry Christmas everyone and let's remember that Jesus is the reason for the season (not the gifts and all that jazz)

Please Understand

If i stop wanting to be with you

It's ur turn to understand

If i start paying attention to someone else

It's your turn to understand

If i have nothing to say when you finally call, 

It's your turn to understand

If you hear that i am engaged when i hand you my IV

It's your turn to understand

Tell them!

Perspective

So for the last block of Anatomy we did the pelvis and lower limbs and this happens to be where you find the penis. As my friends and I are going through the bodies we get to a body that has a weird looking penis and i say "what's wrong with his penis, it looks weird"

Then we get to another body with a "normal" looking penis and my Indian friend, was like ewww,....what's wrong with his penis. The other Nigerian and I were looking at him crazy and that's where it all came out. What's "normal" to us which happens to be a circumsized penis is abnormal to him and the penis i thought was abnormal (which happened to be an uncircumsized penis) was normal to him. He then goes on to say a little more about circumsized vs uncircumsized penises but that's not appropriate material for this blog :) So i will kindly leave that out.

This is a perfect example of how we all view life through different filters. I just thought this spoke to a lot of things especially in relationships or marriage where two different individuals are coming together with their different world views and trying to make things work. I think in any situation it is always helpful to step back and try to see things from the other person's point of view because what might be "normal" to you might just be "abnormal" to the other person.

P.S. I still think uncircumcised penises look weird as heck. I mean, WTF?

Survival Guide

Med school survival guide coming up. If i survive, that is.

Oligosin

We all know those guys who come to America and want to be akata by force....uh hum, before they even step foot off the plane, accent done change "Waz up mehn" "You ganna be kidding me". First point of call is to get a piercing or piercings, next the customary tattoo that is more often than not an asian symbol, then the jerry curl abi na texturizer. Sting who has been here for the last 8 years will be struggling to understand the "american accent" of someone who just got here less than a year ago. o_O

Then there exists at the other end of the spectrum, guys that have been here since 19 gbidi gbidi no date (God knows how long) and they refuse to change anything and i mean ANYTHING! If you haven't met anyone of such nature, trust me these creatures exist. The word acculturation does not exist in their dictionary. At this point, i am not sure which breed i prefer. These are the ones who make chics say they can never marry someone who just came from naija........only, this one did not just come o! They have been here since when Babangida was first president and Bendel state still existed.They have chosen to hold on tight to the ancient traditions of their forefathers that even the people currently living in Nigeria no longer practice.

"Oh please o, don't use American words when you speak to me. I don't know what they mean and i don't want to know" Side eye to you! Since when did "touchy" become an American word that is so difficult to understand. I'm struggling......i'm really struggling to understand. You don't know and you don't want to learn because America is not your country and you will go back to Naija eventually.

"When is eventually?" 

"uhmmm...maybe the next 20 years" Fool oshi!

"What?!!! Did you just say it would have been nice if i did the dishes?! Abomination!!! My mother said i should run away from any woman who wants to assign me kitchen duties" But you used the dishes and you were home all day doing nothing......side eye to you.

"Are you going to help me with the baby if we don't have help and we both work?"

 "Somebody sound the alarm o, this woman has committed! She don commit. Ask me to help her with a child that i impregnated her with?! What madness! Chineke God in heaven, you are so westernized. You need to go back to Nigeria to go learn how to be a proper Nigerian woman". Well, side eyes to you too!!! What happened to wanting to assist the mother of your child so she doesn't die from being overworked? Anyone who has been around a new born knows how much work they are....the sleepness nights and yet the person responsible for all that refuses to help because he is a man and that is not his duty. Someone should show me who assigned those duties because that person needs some serious talking to.

"Why are you wearing socks with sandals?" 

"You won't buy this shirt because what?.......oh! You only wear shirts that you buy from Nigeria. All these shirts in America are fake, they are not as well made as the ones you buy in Nigeria" o_O
Jesus be a ladle so i can slap some sense into this person

I am all for being who you are, holding on to and embracing your culture but seriously i think in order to live a balanced life as a foreigner/immigrant you need to be able to adapt to the environment you end up in. I can be as naija as all get out and at the same time I can totally be a 100%  with non-nigerian people. I call it having the best of both worlds. I don't think we should be so resistant to change that we refuse to grow thus ending up at a disadvantage.

#justsaying
#Iknowthesepeople

*Oligosin - Secondary school slang used to refer to someone considered backwards, out of date, old-fashioned, archaic, not cool etc  LOL

Week 18 of 18

Can i just bury my head in the sand and pretend that this is not my life? 

 No?

Taking deep breaths......I can do this

I'm learning to ignore shit

Some people, things, or situations are just not worth the aggravation. 

The satisfaction you think you might get from engaging, giving that idiot a telling off, or a verbal annihilation is usually not worth your peace of mind. So go on, hit the ignore button. It works wonders for your blood pressure too.

Jisos!

Week 17 of 18

Chineke
Olorun
Allah
God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
Oghene
Oghena
Osanobua
Jesu Christi
Jehovah
Oh Lord!!! 

Chineke, God in heaven, come down o! Dem wan use book kill ur daughter.

Last day of Week 18 of 18 will be blisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. I just need to make it there in one piece.

I have scheduled posts that should keep you guys entertained while i continue to torture myself. Apparently, i am a closet masochist who thrives on 16hr study days with no sleep. My brain is threatening to explode hence this mandatory study break and this blog post.

I got this!
Toodles!

Boys are crazy

Allah (finger touching tongue and pointing to the sky)!
I am truly convinced. Either that or there is something in the water.

Public Announcement

 Hear ye! Hear ye!

As from today, i shall now be addressed as Madame Sting the 1st of blogsville.
Other accepted forms of address include, her majesty, her holiness and your honor.

Signed
Madame Sting :)

Unique

Be who you are. You never know who is looking at you, admiring you and wanting to be just like you. - Sting

I like people who are unique, different, stand out and are truly individuals.
While everyone else are wearing ballet flats and tights, they have on multi-colored socks, boots and fingerless gloves.

While everyone else is sticking with the trends, they go vintage. 

They dance to the beat of their own drummer, to tunes no one else can hear.

They don't conform for conformity sake. 

They have the act of "doing you" down to a science.

They are rebels but not rebels without a cause. 
Their purpose is to exist solely as the unique individuals they are meant to be.
They are suave, they are cool, they have style, innate swagger just by being who they are. 

So be you. There's only one you. Besides, everyone else is taken.