OCT 29 - My Birthday

I got flowers! :)

It's my birthday today.
Happy Birthday to me.

Cheesecake later!

Chicken Tikka Masala and Basmati rice

Dulche de leche cheesecake

Flowers and chocolate

 It was fixing to be a crummy birthday. Then i got my beautiful flowers which haven't bloomed yet. I bet it would look awesome when it blooms. I'm expecting another bouquet from someone else. Then at 2pm, still in my PJs and wrapper wrapped across my shoulders i got two unexpected visitors who came to hang out with me. That totally turned my day around. Then later another friend shows up and suggests we all go out to eat. My actual birthday dinner was supposed to be tomorrow because one of my friend's birthday is on the 31st and we picked a neutral day to celebrate. Anyway, we went to an Indian restaurant because i really wanted some chicken curry and the food was great.

I'm not on facebook and had no intention of going back just for my birthday. I figured the people who really care about me and are my friends would remember my birthday without the help of facebook. I wasn't interested in the HBD, LLNP comments on my wall. I wasn't disappointed. I have awesome friends. I really do. I got calls from people i least expected. It was great. My good day was marred a little bit by something, but i overlooked it and focused on the wonderful people in my life.

It was a great birthday, even though my father added an extra year to my age. I quickly corrected him and blame it on old age even though he's just 64 and no where near old. He's always underestimating my age, this is the first year he went higher. Anyway, play time is over, time for some micro and path and maybe a Nigerian movie to end the night.

Ciao and thanks to everyone who left me a birthday wish. Much appreciated.

Wacky Words of "Wisdom" from an Overactive Mind

This is what happens when you "live" inside your head. I'm usually alone and can go a whole day without speaking to anyone and a consequence of that is that i think a lot. I have some moments of profound "wisdom" from time to time but 2 seconds later, i forget my really cool thought. So i decided to start writing them down. They really are not that deep in any way, no profound Dalai Lama type statements.  These are just fleeting thoughts that passed through my head in a span of 3 days.

1. A little thanks goes a long way (Duh!)
2. Sometimes all you need is a really good look in the mirror.....to make you drop that cookie. 
3. The fear of fruit flies is the beginning of washing your dishes immediately after every meal - I was afflicted with the eighth plague, invasion of the fruit flies after leaving dishes in the sink on multiple occasions. After spending a weekend armed with febreze battling those buggers, i learnt my lesson well.
4. Common sense really is common. Just stop and think. If all else fails, accept that some people are just dumb or very good actors. 
5. Not everyone is looking out for your best interests. Sometimes, there is a hidden agenda and it might be unconscious too. 
6. Choose very carefully the people you chose to share your troubles with. Your biggest problem might just be fodder for someone else's gist.
7. Never trust someone who breaks other people's confidences with you. They will do the same to you - No seriously, run from people who have a habit of telling you other people's secrets. Don't be fooled into thinking you are special and they will keep yours. My sister had a friend like that even though i enjoyed hearing the gists, i was very wary of her and warned by sister about her. Boy was i right!!! 
8. Forgiveness is good but a little punishment never hurt anyone. It's called giving you a taste of your own medicine. Maybe next time, you will stop and think.  
9. Rules are meant to be broken. but sometimes it helps to follow the rules. They were made for a reason - Anyone ever heard of those pesky "early" relationship rules? We should talk about them sometime.
10. Learn to play the game and play it well. If you can't beat them, you might as well join them and then beat them at their game.
11. Act like you know what you are worth but before that, know exactly how much you are worth (Whether in Naira, Dollars, Pounds, Euro or even Jewellery, Shoes and Bags). LOL. Seriously, know your worth and don't sell yourself short. 
12. If he wants you in his life, he'll work hard to keep you in it.  - True story!
13. What doesn't kill you, could very well scar or maim you. Show me the genius who said it makes you stronger so i can thank him with my closed fist. After all, it won't kill him, it'll only make him stronger.  
14. Tylenol really does work....for minor aches and pains and fast too!  Hahaha...I'm an idiot!
15. Surround yourself with the people who love you and accept you, flaws and all. 
16. Feed your soul with good music. 
17. For every guy that's just not that into you, there are 5 more who are. You might just not be into them but at least you know there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
18. The fear of failure is the beginning of wisdom and many sleepless nights - Don't i know it! 
19. When all else fails, look inwards. Your strength lies within. 
20. Liking someone is not a terminal illness. Just because I like you today doesn't mean i will like you tomorrow, so arrange yourself. 
21. Sometimes there's nothing else to do but to fall back, park well and stay on your lane.
22. Dance uninhibited. Give in to the sway of the music.
23. Life is too short but it can also be very long. Find a balance. 
24. True friends are a treasure. Let them know how much they mean to you. 
25. You are okay just the way you are. Learn to love yourself. 
26. Never cease striving to improve yourself. Take each day as a learning experience. 
27. Learn to laugh at yourself. It takes the edge of. - I think one of the best qualities about me is that i laugh at myself all the time. I have some dorky moments and besides that when things start getting too real, i start to make jokes about it. It's a cool coping mechanism which i do unconsciously, but it works. 
28. Everyone needs someone who believes in them, even when they don't believe in themselves. Find your person. - I should tell you guys about my brother one of these days.
29. Trust your instincts (especially about people). It will never fail you. - Every single time i've gotten into "trouble" with someone be it relationship or platonic friendship, it's because i didn't trust my instinct. I'm very intuitive and perceptive about people. I'm hardly ever wrong.
30. Don't let life change you.- I've had really funny friends get older and suddenly become too serious, or a once generous person become less giving because they keep getting backstabbed etc etc.. Just be who you are in spite of what life throws at you.
31. Learn to speak positivity into your life. 
32. Put it out into the universe and you might just get it back. - I think this goes with 31. If you want love in your life, speak it. If you want a needle in the haystack guy, speak it.  Whatever you want put it out there in the universe. Sounds kinda of wacky but i believe it works.
33. Great Value Creamy French dressing and Texas Toast Seasoned croutons in your salad. Oh myyyy! Try it. - Sometimes i eat a salad just for the croutons. No joke.
34. Let him go. They ALWAYS come back when you stop paying attention. - Oh the stories i could tell you. People like to think that they are so different from anyone else, but i like to think that we are more similar than we are different.How else do u explain totally unrelated people acting in the same exact way.  That's why the field of psychology exists.
35. Sometimes the expiration date is only a suggestion. If it looks good, smells good, and tastes good, you are good to go.- Yeah, those tacos tasted good although they had been "expired" for 2 months. Take this advice with a grain of salt because i will not be held responsible if you end up with food poisoning.
36. Facebook is an illusion. Don't buy into it. - That's all i'm going to say.
37. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture can also leave out a thousand words. 
38. Know when to leave it alone. Just leave it alone.
39. Do away with useless friendships. No need to surround yourself with snakes and rats. -I am such an all or nothing friend. It's not necessarily a great thing because it means i have very few friends at any given time, but i don't believe in hanging on to people you can't trust or that don't have your back or your best interests at heart. I've seen things! I'll sit in my house and hear the life history of someone i have no business hearing about, intimate details that even with all my ameboness don't want to know, and this is coming from someone's supposed best friend or close friend. No need. Also, see number 7. 
40. Learn to keep secrets, be it something that was confided in you or something you know about someone that would be detrimental to them if it came out. It's not everything you see or hear you should say. Have a filter.
41. No man is worth changing your last name for. If he is really adamant about the name change, let him change his. After all, it's just a name.
42. Whenever you start to smell yourself, biko, leave whatever you are doing and go take a shower.- LOL. That's all i will say on that.
43. If you are talking to more than one guy at the same time, save yourself a lot of trouble and explanations in the future and call all of them the same nickname. Babe, baby or Mr. would do. - No, i am not guilty of this particular offense. I'm just trying to help you guys.
44. There's nothing you can do about that evil pimple. Just accept that's it's going to show up faithfully once a month in the center of your forehead looking like it's alive. 
45. You can't force someone to like you, neither can you force someone to want to be your friend. Accept the truth and move on. 
46. It's never as good as the first time. - Should i clarify? :)
47. Know your role! 

I got bored with it and stopped, as you can see, it ends at 47 which is such an odd number. 

Maybe i will bore you guys next with 100 things about me. Ha! I bet you would like that. Let's see how long it takes me to do that. I have books to read o, so maybe later or on my birthday or never. Dunno.

*I got an award plus i was supposed to blow my trumpet. Can we just accept this and my previous post in lieu of that? Right now the only thing i can think of to be "proud" of is that i am resilient enough not to have sunken into the depths of depression. I thank God for small mercies.

*So which ones did you like or not like? By the way, number 41 was a JOKE!!!
I bet i got a lot of people worked up over that. Hahaha!!

Sting's Digest 101

Now that the madness is over (temporarily, very temporarily in fact) and mediocrity reigns as usual (insert long drawn out sigh here), i shall fulfill my promise and answer those questions (mostly because i'm too strung out to sleep and that idiot Time warner guy disconnected my free cable plus i need to take my mind off things)

N.I.L (Naijamum in London) September 3, 2011 3:07 PM   

Question: What area of Medicine do you hope to specialise in?

 To be honest, i have no clue what i want to specialize in. My main aim right now is to pass all my classes which is not such a breeze. I am interested in Oncology, Hematology, Peds and lately Surgery, but i really don't know where i will end up. 

Beautiful September 3, 2011 3:21 PM   

Questions - why don't you sometimes handle criticism well? Like ur blog though.

This question is based on an assumption that i don't handle criticism well (at least sometimes). LOL. I don't think anyone handles criticism well all the time. I get irritated easily and if it's not constructive criticism from someone i respect then the chances i will entertain it are slim. Believe it or not, i don't get criticized regularly in real life and when i do it's about the same thing and i know whoever is talking means well, so i shut up and plan to do better. 

TecknicoleurGrl September 3, 2011 3:33 PM   

Question: what would you rather be doing with your life right now?

I love this question!!! Someone recently asked me sometime along those lines. If it were up to be, i would be done with med school and residency and be practicing. I would have a husband (or not husband. I don't necessarily have a strong desire to be married at this time) who adores me and a daughter that looks just like me and a non-yappy toy dog breed. The worst thing about my life right now is that i'm a student and i have to study so much (kind of in isolation) and i really don't have a life. I want to live and have fun with the people who love me and the people that i love. 

TheRustGeek September 3, 2011 4:00 PM   

Question - If you had to do life all over again, what one thing would you want to change most?

I would have had more fun in undergrad instead of being so focused on getting good grades and building up my resume to get into med school. I would definitely take the time to make friends, hang out, party and travel. 

Ibhade September 3, 2011 4:42 PM   

Question: do you indeed to relocate back to 9ja after your studies and practice?

That's not likely to happen anytime soon. 99% of my immediate family is here so i really have no incentive to go back to Nigeria to practice. However, i would love to take part in medical mission trips to Nigeria, so hopefully i can do that when the time comes. 

kitkat September 5, 2011 2:17 AM    

Question: how do you handle criticism?

It really depends on who is doing the criticizing, what is been criticized and what side of the bed i woke up on :)

 doll September 5, 2011 8:54 AM   

Question: Do you regret the whole medical school ish? ever wish you went for something not complicated at all?

Absolutely not! Being in medical school is a dream come true. I have wanted to be a doctor since i was 6 years old and i have never once changed my mind. This has been the toughest thing i have ever had to do, from undergrad, to applying, to actually getting in and staying in, it has been difficult and mentally challenging but there is nothing else i would rather be doing. This journey which is still in progress, has shown me the kind of stuff i am made of. I am a warrior. I never give up. I will fight for what i want. I'm still fighting. 

Toinlicious September 5, 2011 10:28 AM   

question: what's your worst fear?

 Failure. I have recurring dreams about it. Now that i have actually experienced it, it's not so bad. The key is to pick yourself up (scrap yourself off the floor if you have to) and don't give up. You haven't failed unless you give up on something you really want. 

Okeoghene September 5, 2011 7:05 PM   

Question: Can I ask you 3 questions? How would you like cupid to hit you? Why don't you want love in your life now?

You only asked 2 questions but i forgive you. I wouldn't like cupid to hit me. Love is a distraction. If it's mutual and the other party is constantly behaving himself, then it's a good thing, but that's usually not the case and i don't have the power for it. I don't handle stuff like that very well and it takes my focus away from school, which is never a good thing. It's really all about finding a balance and i'm not there yet. Maybe i need to practice finding a balance but not right now. 

 Myne Whitman September 6, 2011 3:23 PM   

Have you ever been in love? Whats your best cheesecake?

Hmmm.. Yes, i've been in love (i think).  There's only one guy i can think of that i have really been in love with. My first boyfriend and it was pure unadulterated puppy love. 

I shrieked in excitement when i saw the cheesecake questions. Ohhh....i loveeee cheesecake. My best cheesecake so far is the dulche de leche cheesecake from cheesecake factory. Thankfully my birthday is coming up so i get to indulge. 

Teboy September 9, 2011 3:02 AM   

My question now is; What do you think about being very good blogfriends with me?

Sure!

Ginger September 9, 2011 11:06 PM   

Question - whats your deal breaker in a relationship?

Lies!!! Just tell me the truth no matter how difficult. I appreciate honestly. If i can't trust you, what's the point of the relationship. I don't have time to be suspicious and playing detective up and down. Abeg. 

Things you said about my personality/me that was 100% spot on

• Looks like a child (NIL)- I have my days. No one ever guesses my age right. Ever!
• Can be quite talkative but sometimes quiet, depending on the topic, surrounding and mood (Beautiful) - I'm talkative with people i know and comfortable with but very quiet "outside" (School, work etc)
• Can be deceptively quiet. talkative when you're in ur natural habitat (Toinlicious) - I couldn't have said it better if i said it myself
• not exactly the picture of a 'Madame Sting' (in looks), but your personality is 'Sting' (Tecknicoleur Grl)
• Appear tough on the outside, soft, mushy, feely and emotional on the inside (Prism) - Very true
• Troublesome  I don't know if i 100% claim this one, but i have a nickname that ends with wahala and i am frequently described as feisty. Does that make me troublesome? Maybe...a little bit. The fact that i am majorly blunt doesn't help.

Ok! That was fun. Thanks to my willing participants. Now it's back to real life. I have a homework that was due today but my awesome M4 facilitator extended the deadline to wednesday. Thank you Jesus. I feel like kicking myself for the stupid! mistakes i made on this exam. Stupid!!!!! I blame tiredness. Argh. Time to strategize for the next one which is in 4 weeks. No seriously, these people are crazy. We have 7 weeks left in the semester (excluding this week which is week 10) and of those 7 weeks, i have exams on 4. It's ridiculous, but the time for complaining has passed o. I have to fight fire with fire.

Cautionary Tale

What's this?

This is what too much studying does to you. Extra body parts. BEWARE!!! Don't say i didn't warn you. Leave that book alone.......

:o

Okay, fine. It's possible i was born with that. But still.....it could happen. lol.

Ashawo Bacteria

"Many pathogenic bacteria are promiscuous with their DNA" -- Isn't that something? So there are ashawos even among the prokaryotes.

Hahaha!!! Don't mind me o. I'm catching trips anyway i can :)

Attack

I just had a full blown, can't breath, body trembling, need to throw up, panic attack. I don't know how i can get all this done well before Monday. I had gone over all 22 lectures twice by wednesday of last week, but i can't remember jack. I am so stressed out. I have to make an A on this next test. Absolutely have to. To make things worse, we had to go to the eye clinic to learn how to do eye exams and we all had to have one eye dilated. Which meant over two hours after i got home from the clinic, i still had blurry vision = had to close one eye to try to study = Not a lot of work done.

I have to be in school all day tomorrow. First H and P/ Physical exam workshop in the morning, Pathways in the afternoon. I want to run away. I'm so stressed out!

overwhelmedx10.com

Cookies

White chocolate chip/chunk macademia nut cookies. My absolute favorite cookies in the whole wide world :). I love the ones from Subway (which i haven't had since 2009) and there's a particular brand i get from Walmart whenever i buy them. I'm not a big snack person. It doesn't matter from where i get them, i love them any day or any time. But not these :( 

I've been craving these since last Thursday and i finally gave in and left my house with the sole purpose of getting these ones. Too much sugar, too little flour. I considered tossing them (after eating 3) but i figured someone else might like 'em, so i'm taking them with me to school tomorrow. They will surely find a good home in someone else's stomach.  I seem to have lost my sweet tooth. Unbelievable.  Another thing i can't believe i have stopped liking is MEAT. I never, ever thought that day would come. I used to love meat. It was my signature "move". Everyone in my family knows that about me. I was the kid that would get in trouble for pilfering meat from the pot. My mom has punished me on a couple of occasions by giving me a huge bowl of fried beef to finish. The poor woman, i just sat there and ate to my heart's content. On my birthdays, all i would request is meat. I didn't care about jollof rice or fried rice or even cake. I remember eating a whole bush meat my mom bought by myself and begging my sister to say we ate it together cos my mom would have killed me.

I haven't even bought meat since i came back to school in August, but i have eaten it though. Got some from the Nigerian Independence day party i went to and i had a burger at a friend's house. Other than that, i have been meatless and have no desire for the thing. My mom would not believe if i told her. I'm really surprised about it myself cos sometimes the thought of it disgusts me and this actually started last semester. More power to my colon cos it will benefit from my meatless state.

Back to cookies, I absolutely hate Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Like, are you serious? Who invented those things? What's your favorite and least favorite cookie?

In pimple news, the tame looking one, has suddenly grown aggressive. It has doubled in size and looks angry. I'm not sure why because i'm the one who should be angry cos it hijacked my forehead. I've been good and not touched either and they were the last thing on my mind when i went to school today. I had bigger problems.

Exam tomorrow. I'm so sick of doing the readings. It never ends, hence the need to blog. Thankfully, it's ethics. I am not underestimating it by any means but thank God for classmates who do summaries and pass around old tests. I am going to sleep for 2 hours and tackle that baby all night. To say i am tired, is an understatement. I have been popping Tylenol every day like it's candy.

My life is so much FUN! Ha!!!

Look Alive

Can someone be nice enough to explain what is going on on my forehead? I've never suffered from acne, expect for a certain time last year when i would get one single pimple in the center of my forehead, every month. Look at these ones looking all alive and shit, and i have to go to school tomorrow. This is crazy.

*Yes, those are my real eyes and half eyebrows. I couldn't find sexier ones to borrow for this photo shoot. In case you are wondering, I have my wrapper over my head. I have to have something over my head when i study, it's usually a hoodie unless it's warm enough in my apartment, then it's my trusty wrapper. It is totally a security blanket.

What am i going to do about these pimples?

P.S. For the sake of full disclosure and TMI, i do get the occasional period pimple, but that's not what this is. Does stress cause pimples? I think so. I don't know abeg. I'm going back to read my books jor.

Report Card of a Great White Shark

I should just rename this blog Lamentations of a Great White Shark. Don't ask me who the great white shark is, i have no clue where that thought came from. It's 3.28am and all i really want to do is sleep, but alas (i miss ms. Nitty Gritty aka Ibhade, she liked that word), i'm just getting started. As to why i have been disabling comments, only Jehovah knows. My brain has been touching, but we all know that happens from time to time.

Got an exam on Monday, another on Tuesday and another on Monday the 24th. I need a miracle on Elm street on the 24th. Hell, i need a miracle to make it to the 24th. I finally made to time to cook. Made some brown rice, baked fish and mixed veggies and i also went grocery shopping in the pouring rain to get some eggs, yogurt, fruit, juice, croutons, maifun noodles and salad. I'm set for the next week

Monday through Saturday

 It doesn't seem like a lot. I'm doing my best though and really hope it pays off. I need to see some results. I'm bursting my ass here, Lord. Microbiology has put the fear of God in me. It's my Physiology of last semester.

This song has been helping me preserve my sanity. I'm in love with the chorus.

Dinner

Dinner last night

Chicken with Rice....It tastes just as it looks. You be the judge of that. I could barely stomach the thing, but it was hot and i was hungry and in the library so i swallowed a few bites. I didn't make this mess, it was from a can. I feel like i'm starving half the time. I haven't had time to cook in a while. I'm actually losing weight but this is by force weight loss, not anything i am actively trying to do at this point. Our schedule is so much crazier than last year but some people like it. I don't. It seems like we are ALWAYS studying for one exam or another, with no time in between to decompress plus there's SO much busy work. I'm just taking deep breaths, readjusting my thoughts as needed, holding tightly onto my sanity and emotions and getting by as best as i can.

I'm so looking forward to OCT 29!!! But i feel like i have to rock all my exams this month so i can enjoy it properly so i'm making all efforts to make that happen. I really just want flowers (no red roses), however, i have serious doubts about getting those. One of my guy friends in Naij thinks i'm a weird naija girl for just wanting flowers. I'm sure there are other things i could want if i think hard enough (well, i don't even have to think hard cos i'm a major brokie), but that's what i really want. It would be doubly nice to get them from someone special, but the only special person in my life right now is my 2 year old niece :)

*If u have no clue what's happening on OCT 29, first of all, wag of the finger to you, second of all :) It's the day a super star was born! Yep! True story.

I refuse to Hear this Alone - Bini girl vs. Ibo Guy

Abeg, you people should follow me to hear this one o. My sis just sent me the audio and as soon as i heard the first line, i cracked up big time. I had heard this mess last year from facebook but it was quickly taken down. Some of you might have heard it already, it was titled "Bini girl....." I can't remember the rest of the title. To say i was SPEECHLESS after listening to it, is an understatement. I left what i was doing after i got the mail a few minutes ago, converted the audio from amr to mp3, slapped on a picture and made a video, so i could upload it for your listening pleasure, really. You can thank me now.

Yes, the chic is a Bini girl, through and through. There's always the possibility that she is not bini by tribe, but trust me when i say she was bred and buttered on the STREETS of Benin-City. Keyword: Streets. I know my people when i hear them :) (But i wasn't raised on the streets lol). I was SHOCKED at the words that were coming out of her mouth. This girl fall my hand die. This is a hot topic for me because my ILP is focused on HIV awareness and prevention. AIDS no go lia lia finish. We have a long way to go in terms of educating people.

<

I miss

I miss my niece.....
Who is a spitting image of my sister....but on a very good day, she could pass as my child, cos she looks like me too. Then again, me and my sister used to pass for twins, when we were younger. I met one of my sister's in-laws this past summer, first words out his mouth was "Wow, you look like your sister". Why, thank you. That's why she's my sister.

I miss my therapist.....
Nothing compares to having someone who is there to listen to you, and help you think and figure out things, without passing any judgment, or imposing anything on you. Just there to listen, and steer and guide, and help you understand and open your eyes. I still have the rock. It's supposed to signify strength. Sometimes i don't know if i'm strong enough. I feel broken. But then i stop and think and look back on how far i've come. I really am one strong African woman. What do you know?

I miss my doggie.....
whom i had to give up because i had to go away to med school. I really miss my dog, Lenie, dog of my life. My baby. Complete affection, and devotion and unconditional reciprocated love. I used to miss him so much, and then i got used to not having him, then i was with him for a short while last year, but he was no longer mine, he followed my sister around the way he used to follow me :( We bonded again, but then i had to leave and this time it was easier. But on days when everything is going crazy and i feel so down and alone, i miss my doggie. I really do.I have no clue where he is right now cos my sister just moved out of state and had to give all the dogs up :(((( One of my friends in med school said initially she thought i wasn't Nigerian-nigerian because i was so into my dog (cos we had interacted via facebook and roommate search list before we actually started school)

Lenie and Kimiko

*I have so much work to do. I feel like i'm about to have a nervous breakdown and to think i am participating in this madness without the aid of any sort of caffeine, be it coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc.

It is well! This is such a stinking platitude that Nigerians like to spew, but sometimes what else is there to say?

Lamentation 007

• I hate med school
• I hate my life............right now. 
• This is not humanly possible. I have been on this chair since 5am, no freaking break. I haven't even taken a shower or properly eaten. I feel like i'm starving but I have completely lost my appetite. I'm so scared because the demon that is my stomach doesn't play that. I need to feed it regularly so it can give me peace. Still, i have to get all this done. 
• I really, really, really, couldn't care less about these SOAP notes and how to do them, but seeing how it cares a lot about me, i have to do them. One down, one to go. 
• I am so going to bullshit my way through that ILP (individualized learning plan). If only my pathway advisor didn't have to approve it. 
• Was i supposed to stop being human and become a freaking machine? 
• I am tired!
• I HATE MED SCHOOL.  I do, i really do. 
• But i so want to be a doctor. I do, i really do. 
• I really wanted to write some of this on twitter, but it's a "happy" place. I never see anyone lamenting about their lives over them (although, i'm hardly ever on there). So i guess i will just confine my lamentations to this space. 
• I'm fine. 
• I will be fine. 
• I'm okay.

Weekend plans

This is my agenda for this weekend. I'm supposed to go over 6 lectures of Path and 3 lectures of Micro 3 times. It's a very tall order, given how many slides each lecture is, but i'm behind because i spent two+ days this week sleeping and wallowing without doing any school work. It's payback time. Envy me. Plus i've got two H & P write ups and my ILP to do over the weekend. No, really, envy me. My life is wonderful.

My walkman came :) I fed my soul :) :). Truth be told, i prefer my ipod. This thing makes some serious noise as the tape is rolling. It's serving its purpose though, so i can't complain.

Have a good weekend guys.

Update

5.30pm Sunday Evening

I am so freaking behind. I am going to be in deep shit if i don't pull it together somehow. If only i can say i have been on my P's and Q's but i have not. I've been bothering myself over STUPID SHIT!  God save me from fools who are working on their own destruction with eyes wide open. Fools in the case, being me. I need deliverance.

Hanging out with Clippy my female binder clip robot :)

Peace, Love and Happiness

.....and light!This and much more I wish for myself and for all the good people of this world.

I want a tribute video for my birthday. I shouldn't have to die before the people who love me tell me how much I mean to them, on my facebook wall or at my funeral. Tell me now! I told u guys i was strange. So what are the chances of me getting a tribute video? If i say nothing, Zilch! But if i say something to the right people or person, i just might get it. I don't think there's a right person though at this point. I'll probably just make myself one, that way if i die, it can be played at my funeral :)

See....i like to make life easy for people, even at my death.

I think about death and dying ALL the time. I often wonder when my time is going to be up and how i'm going to go. Best way to die, is in your sleep without any illness. Sudden death! Sucks for the people you leave behind, but great for the dead. A lot of people are skittish about death. In case u haven't heard, the mortality rate is 100%

We had to practice giving bad news last week before our "bad news OSCE" (practical exam)  this week and while i was role playing with one of my classmates, he as the "patient" asked me if he was going to die. I just started cracking up, which in turn made him laugh, and we were being evaluated so we could see what we needed to improve. When i heard the question, all that popped into my head to respond to him, was "Yes!", but i couldn't say it like that and i didn't know what else to say. Anyhoo, i did "outstanding" on the real thing, or so says my standardized patient who is a doctor in real life, so i'll take it he knows what he's talking about :)

Reason Number 1051 Why I am a Weirdo

I have been having an absolutely, totally, completely, CRAPPY week. There are no more tears to cry at this point. It's bad enough that i've lost my appetite completely, AND i'm an emotional eater! Then i thought of something but then i felt bad because i thought i would never see said thing again. I went online to try to find some sort of copy of it, but i couldn't and it made me sadder and my day feel crappier. So i sat down and thought about how attached i was to said thing before i left home and wondered if i took it with me 2 years ago when i packed all my property into my car and headed out to begin this nightmare. Nah! I've moved apartments and i don't recall seeing it. My mind said, check those shoe boxes on top ur hallway closet, and i did. I opened the second box, and i saw it and it made me SMILE, my first genuine smile in a week and i almost shed a tear, but i didn't. Here's what i found.

I LOVE this woman's music. Absolutely, freaking love her even though i don't understand a word she's saying. She sings in Etsako and she speaks to a part of my soul that i don't readily have access to. I feel like there was a time i was on this earth when i understood her, maybe in my past life, after all, i am supposed to be my paternal grandmother reincarnated :) I love her (my paternal grandmother) even though i never met her. I absolutely 100% believe that she's one of my guardian angels. Sounds crazy, doesn't it. *shrugs*

Music is the one thing that is guaranteed to make me feel better even if it's for a second. Finding this tape is one of the best things that has happened to me in a while. In case you are wondering, no, i have no means of playing the tape. That bummed me out for all of one second, until i remembered the power of amazon.com and the joy of free two day shipping. I ordered a walkman. *gasps* I know. Everyone is moving forward and here i am taking 10 technology steps back. It's worth it though, i need to hear this music. My soul needs feeding, the way only she can. This totally made my day and i am almost happy.

I'm going to blog more often, although i find that i have less time. I can't breathe. Everything is choking me and i feel so out of control of the situation and of myself. Writing has always been therapeutic, so i'm going to do what brings me peace in this crazy world i'm in. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find time to pull those questions and answer them, probably the last week of this month. I haven't forgotten about them though. I'm at the point where i want to push people away and shut everyone out. I feel like i need to regroup and refocus so i can get a grip on myself. I've turned off my phone, deactivated facebook, left skype alone, I just want to not deal with anyone for now.

In spite of my asocial leanings, I so need a hug.

P.S I'm such a thief. I stole this tape from my brother-in-law in 2004 because he borrowed a tape of mine and refused to return it. So on one fateful day, i managed to get into his car, steal my tape back and stole this one to compensate myself for all my troubles :)
*Everyone in my family knows my love for this woman's music. I'm the only one who listens to it I lost this tape a few years ago and my sister found it, and kept it until it was my birthday and gave it to me as a surprise. That's how much i love her.