Head in the Sand

• I would so love a maid or housekeeping service, right now. I have dishes to wash, laundry to put away and a kitchen floor to scrub.
• I finally satisfied a food craving i've had for over a year. You won't believe what it was. Common rice and stew. Rice and freaking stew. Long and short of the matter is that tomatoes and I are not friends. I damned the consequences today o. I had white rice and stewed gizzard. It was great. So blissful. 
• Orientation is finally over. I left early today because the last three hours of my schedule were for independent e learning activities which we were supposed to complete in the computer lab. I figured i could do it at home but i ended up only doing one out of the three exercises. 
• Rotations starts on Monday except for those of us who have vacation month first. I will be starting in August. I need to get boards out of the way so i can breath.
• There is something about a jiggling butt that is just gross to me. I don't know how men can find that attractive.
• One of my neighbors is very good looking. I see him from my window when i'm studying. He looks mixed. I have actually walked past him a couple of times but never acknowledged him. My next door neighbor said i should say hi the next time i see him. Yell from my window and say hi, actually. Is that not madness?
• I wonder what would happen if i brought him home. My dad wouldn't have a problem, because he's black but my mom would because he's American. She watches too much news. The fact that there's always some guy in the news who killed his wife, does not help matters. 
• It's funny how i would love to end up with a Nigerian, yet there are people who want to have nothing to do with a Nigerian. I guess people always love what they are familiar with. 
• I am starting to be more conscious of the fact that Nigerians have a bad reputation internationally and people would judge me based on the simple fact that i'm Nigerian. I never used to care but now i am aware of it. It doesn't stop me from identifying as Nigerian but sometimes it's uncomfortable when i first meet someone and introduce myself cos i wonder if they think i'm a crook or dishonest or whatever it is people think about Nigerians. 
• I have the best brother in the world. He is so caring and so wise. He is such a good son to my mother. We are so blessed to have him. I called him yesterday to tell him that and to tell him how proud i am of him and because our conversations are hardly ever serious, i told him i wanted to let him know pre-mortem (if there's a word like that). We ended up laughing about it but i let him know i was serious. I love my brother. I think we should always let people know how we feel about them while they are still around to appreciate it. 
• Because i know a lot of people use my blog for blog hopping purposes, i will leave my blog up but i will not be blogging until after my exam. Please send positive thoughts my way. I need strength.

Making a dress from a T shirt

This is my personal person. Watch, comment, subscribe.

When we were in boarding school together, we were 5&6. We were one of those friends you couldn't mention one name without the other. The sewing part of our home economics projects, she did 90% of mine. Those of you who are into YouTube, should kindly go and support my sister. Please and thank you. She only has one video up right now, but more is on the way. Good stuff too :).

Late Night Brain Dump: Episode Cinco

Well, hello hello......

These people were not playing when they said 8am-5pm. I'm in troublleeeee for rotations cos for the last couple of  years, i have pretty much being on MY own schedule. I went to only about 20% of all my lectures both first and second year. Besides small group which was mandatory, you would hardly ever see me in school. I don't know what 95% of my professors look like. There were a couple with nice accents i was curious enough to google, just so i could put a face to the voice cos i would listen to podcasts of lectures for some of my lectures. I'm seeing faces i've never seen before during orientation. Anyway, before i go off on a tangent, let's just say these last two days have been hard on my body. I come home exhausted and this is just orientation. Wahala go dey o. We have one more day then it's back to the books for me, at least. Argh!

I got my pager today and came home to see a bill for it. I was like, what?! I haven't even turned on this thing and i already have to pay. It's like $21 every 3 months. I totally forgot about it until this evening when my friend called to say he was having trouble setting his up. Mine was still in my bookbag where i put it after i picked it up. I'll deal with that later. I finally got with the iPad program. I think my ipad has to be the most boring device ever in terms of apps. Every app i have downloaded besides twitter and instagram is medical related. What are good apps to download?

Let's talk about this heat for a second. What the hell? Pun intended. I feel like i'm being steamed for someone's dinner. That's how i was driving home this evening, as i was about to turn into my apartment complex, what do i see crossing the street? Someone's bare ass, all in the name of wearing a bikini. If you ask her now, she will say she was coming from the pool. There's no pool around o (maybe there is sha, but i don't think so). These people sef. So under the guise of wearing bikini, you now want to be walking about naked. No seriously, what's the difference between bikini bottoms and panties? I know the obvious difference but I don dey use side eye dey look that thing since. It just looks to me like you are running around in pant and bra all in the name of wearing bikini. At least if you were by a pool or the beach, it's understandable, not on the freaking street. My teenage nieces dad blatantly refused to let them get bikini bottoms. If you cannot wear boy shorts or something that has more coverage, then forget it. For teenagers, i agree.

I've decided to do a give away for my 700th post, which is 69 posts from this one. This should put it around Christmas/New year's time which would be perfect for a give away. I don't know how much time i would have for blogging when I start my rotations but i think i will be able to still blog because my blogs are usually about anything and nothing. I don't think my posts out. I never have bloggers block. I just write about whatever crap is going through my head at that time. So i guess even if i get really busy, i could still drop a couple lines. I have noticed that i have gone back to blogging about everyday stuff instead of major issues. I don't know what you guys like reading but this is how i started out blogging, then i went through a phase of not wanting anything personal on this blog, now we are back to square zero.

Come to find out, i'm not the only one who thinks medicine is crazy. They told us today that 60% of doctors would not recommend anyone going into medicine. 60%! That's a lot. I certainly would never discourage anyone who truly believed this is what they want to do with their lives. I believe in following your dreams. However, if you are trying to decide between medicine and something else and you love both equally, pick the other thing. As hard as this journey is, i am doing exactly what i want to be doing with my life which is a blessing BUT I have questioned myself this past semester. I've been through so much stress and i have a bald patch on top of my head to show for it. If i had to do this all over, I wouldn't. I really wouldn't, not in this lifetime, maybe my next one. My answer might have been different a year ago, but it's just too stressful and i wonder if it's going to be worth it. Only time will tell, because i think this such a huge sacrifice and it never ends.  A guy got kicked out of my school after 3rd year and he had to go to a Caribbean school to start all over. I would never do that. I just can't go through this again from scratch.

This heat mehn.....It's not it at all. My top lip feels like it's on fire. Maybe it's from all the hot air coming out my nose :) LOL

Tales out of school

I miss being in secondary school. From being a boarder in JSS to switching schools and becoming a day student in SSS. I went from soak and travel, garri cake, stealing water from the tank at night, washing and drying clothes without rinsing, rub and shine, shot put (lol), black field, gossip stone, apian way, trade by batter, sneaking into dorm during school hours, pounding shit, pretending to be sick, saturday morning jogs, old soldier, fetching water from the well, playing pranks, tapping aka fapping, hunger strike, SAP, roasting termites, making tapoica (bobozi), cooking concortions, senior wars, Lady Koi Koi to after school lessons, crushes, gossiping, puppy love, rumor mongering etc etc. It was both the best and worst time of my life.

The stories I could tell you. I got myself in some deep shit a couple of times. Chai! I had a very interesting life sha growing up. My glasses saved me from getting slapped quite a number of times but not all the time. I was a mess. I've always had a big mouth, and have never been afraid to use it. I fought a guy on the street one time (and only time). This idiot who was actually a family friend walked up to me from behind when i was in SS2 and slapped me because I refused to turn around and talk to him. We had been quarreling through our friends. Those "tell her that vs tell him that", kind of quarrels. He was very surprised when I pounced on him. I was a smallie back in the day. That was the day I knew my teeth were made for something else besides eating. My poor mother, she had no clue what I was up to half the time. All that craziness lasted for a very short time though. She started working from home and we moved from the neighborhood I grew up in, plus I graduated from secondary school. That's where the madness ended. I wouldn't ever want to be a teenager again. I didn't exactly enjoy it and I know for sure, my mother didn't enjoy my teenage years. Somebody say rebellious or maybe i was just a typical teenager born to an overly strict mother. I was always an A student though, so my craziness had it limits.

 I've finally figured out what I want to do for a give away. Not exactly sure when it's going to be but instead of giving one thing, I want to do a gift box and you will only know what is inside the box after I pick a winner cos I want it to be a surprise. Whatever I pick is going to be geared towards females cos my commenters are mostly female. If a guy wins, he can always pass it on to his girl or sister. So it's a win win for all involved.

These people want me to be in school by 7.45am tomorrow. I can't even complain cos you are supposed to be in the hospital at 5am during some rotations. I'm just going to suck it up and get with the program.

Share your sec school stories. What do you miss most? I never thought i would miss it for a second but i did. I think i mostly missed not seeing my friends everyday (but it took me about 2 months to get there) Those crazy girls. I was sick of girls for a long time and most of my close friends were guys after secondary school but i got over it. Nothing like having female friends, guys are alright, but sometimes only a girl can get it. 

I just had to share this. I just remember in JSS 2 when there was a rumor that there was this spirit in the dorms. Girls refused to go outside the dorms at night to pee. One of my classmates brought a potty from home to be using at night. Thinking about it just cracked me up. I'm going to text her tomorrow to remind her. Mehn those days were crazy.

Win a Soul for Jesus

Hey beautiful people,

It's a wonderful day to be alive. New week, I have a 3 day orientation coming up this week, which i am not ready for. I still have to download all these apps on my ipad (mandatory), do a 1 hour EPIC training, study for the CPR exam which i have on the first day of orientation. This would be my 5th time of doing this training and i know for a fact that if someone needs CPR, nobody better look at me. I'll try to take it seriously this time (maybe). I need an assistant in my life. That would be very nice.

I almost committed blasphemy today. This random dude has been sending me "christian" messages on facebook. I only have myself to blame because i accepted his friend request, which is very unlike me. I looked for him to delete him afterwards but i didn't remember his name and i had deleted his message. I got another message from him today.

"Daughter of zion how do u do pls can u reach me wit these number XXXXXXX  or XXXXXXXX. We can take GOD WORD to bring changings to ur generation. God bless u dear. Isaiah 3v10."

"What do i see in u, u may ask. I see GOD perfect Glory workin in u for perfection, so Glorify Him wit ur beauty. Win a soul 4 JESUS CHRIST, provb 11v30. Or better stil luk 11v23."
This was actually his first message. you can see all the messages someone ever sent you whenever they email you again.


Apparently, he is not too fond of the letter S or maybe he just doesn't gbadun punctuation, not sure what's going on there. Na so dem take they win souls these days? Abeg, someone put me through.

I was about to ask him if he was sure i was a christian but i was like let me just delete this man before i start to denounce my religion all in the name of being contrary. So i just jejely deleted him, make God no go punish me because of my mouth. 

I'm about to reset and start studying again. You guys should enjoy these frequent posts o, cos when i start rotations, i don't know how often you will be seeing my brake light.

Death is so rude!

FOR ENAHOLO

It took me 9 years to cry but i finally did today.

 For the last few days i just haven't been able to get the thought of you out of my head. 

I sent a message to E. your baby brother a couple of days ago and told him i was thinking about you. 

You were the big brother i never had. 

At the time when i needed to build my self esteem, you gave me a leg up. 

You were the first person to tell me to stop frowning all the time because i was pretty when i smiled. 

You were the first and only person to ever call me princess. 

I remember when you used to come pick me up from school when my mom was busy. 

The holiday after SS1 you started teaching me how to drive. 

I remember you being shocked that at SS1 i didn't have a basic understanding of fractions and you taught me how to do them

I was a stubborn teenager and you had a temper to match mine. I

 would get mad about something and be fuming, and you would be mad right along with me.

 Driving like a maniac and having me scared for my life.

 I remember coming out the car one time and slamming the door so hard and you told your sister i was crude.

 It's funny now to think of but it also makes me very sad. 

You left this world at the peak of your life. 

Right when you were about to get married. 

I can't even begin to imagine your mother's pain when she landed in Nigeria for your wedding, and instead of a celebration, she had to plan a funeral. 

I told E today that i miss you.
It's true, i really do. 

He referred to my brother by a certain nickname, and it was the nickname you gave him. 

It's just so sad. 

You were such a force, like a lion. 

Everyone felt your presence and we feel your absence even more. 

The world should have stopped when you died, even for a second but it didn't. 

I didn't even find out on time and i found out in such a horrible way. 

I was already in America, so it was easy to ignore, to pretend, to go on as if nothing happened. 

But there are times like this, when i can't escape it. 

You were such a positive influence in my formative years. 

In spite of everything that has happened to me, my self esteem never wavers
 and i remain confident in who i am and you had a hand in that.

 You really were the big brother i never had and i wish you were still around so i can thank you. 

Death is so rude.

It just takes who it wants, when it wants with no thought of the people left behind.

I heard your fiancee never married again

They say to live in the hearts of those who love you, is to not die

So you still live on. 

I just want to say thank you and i will never forget you.

Clean hands

Clean hands

Fresh start

Life, i'm ready for you. 

Let's go.

*Every breath you take is an opportunity to start over*

Remember that.

Goosebumps

If you know me, you would/might know why i like "Obianuju" by Duncan Mighty.
This Efya chic, took that song to heaven and brought it back for us to listen.
I literally have goosebumps.

She's Ghanaian too. My beautiful African sister, i claim you o.

You are too much.

Ermmmmm......

Today was a study day fail!!! It was just one of those days. I just couldn't get it together. Plus, i wasn't feeling good (i'm usually not anyway). Reviewed the set of questions i did yesterday evening, then decided to give into the general feeling of malaise. I called my sister, did some family amebo, called another sister and talked for an hour and half. I had to chase her off the phone o cos at the time i was hungry. Decided to cook some moi moi. I had washed the beans two days ago. My moi moi was on POINT. Pat on the back. I'm good.


This one guy always likes to have a power struggle anytime we talk. Today it was over the fact that he called me yesterday and i was talking to my friend and didn't click over to tell him that. He says it's rude. I say it's my phone and it's for my convenience, i'm not obligated to click over if i don't want to.  Na by force. He doesn't like being ignored. Hmmm...oturubeke. I have to keep reminding this dude that i'm not his girlfriend or his subordinate.


I am debating whether to make some corn bread or go to sleep. I think i'm going to have an early night. I still feel like shit.

Thinking

• Thinking of doing a blogger meet up in December in Atlanta, who is interested? 
• Thinking of doing a blog give away. Don't know what to give plus i yam broke (for now)......
• Thinking of why my butt and my feet hurt. I get the butt part, i've been sitting all day. It's called study butt, google it, but my feet? I don't get that. It feel like i have been trekking for 4 hours, it's actually throbbing.
• Thinking i might just be an undercover heathen because whenever my "christian" friends say some certain things, i am seriously sitting there trying to diagnose them with a mental disorder. I swear! I might be on to something with this one person though. Seriously.

 The AC in my apartment is in the living room and the cool air doesn't get to the room. WTF? So i am forced to sleep on my couch even though i want to be on my bed tonight (and yesterday). What's up with this weather anyway?

I've started cursing as much as i used to a few years ago. I was getting better, but i seem to have relapsed. Oh well.

 Question: So what do you call someone who is a "church boy" but says waiting to have sex until you are married is archaic? 

Answer: A damn hypocrite

You chop, clean mouth, kneel down and ask for forgiveness, then turn around and do it again. All you need to do is keep asking for forgiveness because God will always forgive you. O din ma.

Ticket to hell for two, please. Thank you.

Hey Uwa ♥ :D

YOLO

While YOLO sounds slimy to say, at least to me, I totally agree with the sentiment behind the acronym. You only live once o. I am the queen of uncomplicating my life. If something is stressing me or whatever, i go straight to the source, what the source does with the information, is no longer up to me.

Anyhoo, i just slept like 6 hours and i could sleep 6 more. Yesterday was brutal on me. Thanks for the congratulatory messages on the birth of my goddaughter/niece. I get the live vicariously through my sissy and it doesn't hurt that her kids look like me. Well, i think they look like her but we look alike, so she says they look like me and family friends think so too. Yesterday, she sent me a picture of the baby sleeping and was like "see your face". I told her she was trying to bribe me because she changed the pronouciation of the name we agreed on. Yes o, I was a big part of the baby naming process, both first and middle name. The first name was not her job but i hijacked it and kept pushing for a certain name, which she liked also, so i left her to work on her husband. The middle name was hers to pick and i suggested like a hundred names. She just kept rejecting them. At a point i was like, "where d one wey u dey suggest, all you do is just reject like one boss". Of course, all the ones she suggested, i didn't like also. Finally, one day i was like what about this....and she's like i like it! Simple. I told her the meaning (which was more important) and we were good. This was a month and half ago ooooo.

I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was telling me my sister decided to go with a different pronunciation of the name, but same spelling. I say ehen, she don come again.  She did the same thing with my niece and ended up picking this very common akata sounding name. I suggested a less common variation of the name, but she no gree. Now she blames pregnancy brain. So this time, i told her i could not trust her to decide alone before she names my god daughter Shaniqua. Anyway, it's a very pretty, uncommon  name which means intelligent. I think it's kind of stressful naming a child sha. So i need to start to gather my options.

Honeydame, you can see me in my office so we can talk about how this betrothal will work. I would have loved to charge you a high bride price sha, but fortunately for you, Edo people no dey collect better money for bride price. Although, i have warned my father not to try that on my behalf. I shall be showing my igbo colors when i get married. If he doesn't charge the bride price, i will help him.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Remember this post where i said i was expecting?

She's herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........ I am so excited. Grinning from ear to ear.  My baby is here!!!! I am such a proud maama. I am so happy! Can't to see if she looks like me :) Might have to wait a good 3 months for that....lol. I don't think new born babies look like anyone.


She's so cute!!!! She has the smiling chinese eyes like me. Thank you God for safe delivery and for giving me someone else to love. Today is a good day!!!!

......I just re-read this post. LOL..said baby is did not come out of my loins o but she's mineeeeee. 

Confession

Dear Pipu,

I just wanted to come clean because i've been touched by the spirit. Whether holy or unholy, i couldn't tell you I have been misleading you guys for the last few years and making you think i was a medical student.

I'm not a med student. I'm an Obioma tailor.

I hope you guys forgive me for the deceit and continue to read my blog.

Sincerely,

M.Sting, TLR

P.S For those of you who missed the picture (If it was really MY picture), sorry....you'll just have to wait until next year. Since 2009, i have put my picture on this blog once a year, just to let you guys see that contrary to popular belief, i am not a straw robot :)

P.P.S. Forgive me for my not responding to comments (that lasted like a day), i really am quite busy right now.........walking around the streets with my machine on my shoulders, patching peoples clothes during the day and working on my international designs at night.  ;)

Missing you

I miss me. That was the random thought that just popped into my head. Am i weird or what?

I do miss me...the old me. Who felt normal, was 15+lbs lighter, had time to read novels, had multiple close female friends to gist with on the regular, had time to gist with anyone on the regular. I don't feel like myself. I really miss me.

Sigh...

Question of the day: How many of you REALLY believed that picture was me? Myne come and answer JAMB question o cos we've been friends on facebook for 2 years. lol.

Relationship thoughts

I've managed to get myself worked up over some bullshit (thanks to a classmate) and can no longer concentrate. I've only done 1/4 of what i was supposed to do today, yet i have been sitting on this chair for the last 14 hours (I kid you not). I'm just going at a snail's pace. Tomorrow, i am packing all my jigida and going to school. I can't have anymore of this kind of study days. Too risky for my goals.


I think it's interesting to see girls who still live in fairytale land when it comes to relationships. I admire the innocence that gives them the ability to do that. It's an innocence which i no longer have (thank God?). I have no rose colored glasses when it comes to relationships and i am a complete realist. Meet a guy in another continent, less than 6 months later you are talking about getting married when your entire relationship has existed online and on the phone. While it is very possible that things could work out perfectly because relationships are never black or white, i have lost the ability to put myself in such a position. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.

The thought of being in a relationship is not exciting to me, neither is getting married. I bet if i was American, i would be one of those girls who didn't want to get married. I've never been excited, eager or even wanted to get married in my entire life. I thought it would get better as i got older, but it hasn't. I have resigned myself that it would eventually happen, but i will never be one of those girls who are itching and can't wait. Sometimes i wonder if something is wrong with me. My African woman wiring has malfunctioned. I don't want to change my last name, neither do i want to hypenate it. A lot of Nigerian men would not go for that. It's not impossible that i would find a man who wouldn't care. They exist, but i can't pick a partner simply because he would let me keep my name.

I feel relationships are a landmine and everybody is an actor. You can be real all you want but then be unfortunate to meet a demon in disguise. You think you know someone and then find out it was all an act. You really had no clue. I always say the only person you can vouch for is yourself, because you never know what is going through someone's mind. There are a lot of animals roaming this earth disguised as humans. It is quite sad actually. I used to be the most trusting person you would ever meet. Your word is your bond. Once you told me something, i took it as gospel. I could never imagine someone lying to me simply because i never lied to anyone (except my mother when i was a teenager and wanted to go out :) My father once told me i was naive and i was furious, but he was right. That was years ago though. Life has happened. Plenty, plenty. There is still a little bit of naivete left in me, but for the most part, i am a jaded, cynical little witch, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It usually does and no i do not precipitate it. You say you should cover your ass from left to right, ask all the right questions, yet they come from front to back, in the most unexpected way. 

This was not the post i intended to write. I guess relationships have been on my mind lately esp since friend girl is having her fairy tale one and i just can't imagine it. I definitely would never burst anyone's bubble, it's just interesting to watch. I used to be down for anything. International relationships, sure, but not anymore. I don't think it's worth the stress or the expense. It's not even that serious and because i have tried talking to someone in another country before, i can say i would never do it again. I'm not in the business of knocking things i haven't tried.

It's funny that at this time in my life when i should be bothered about getting in a relationship, i am going in the opposite direction. A good number of the girls in my secondary school class are married and are starting to have kids. Instead of me to be thinking of how to find (a) man, I have pretty much boycotted guys this year, main reason being that i needed to focus on school and boards. I wish was 18 or even 21 again and didn't have to bother about this because men and their wahala, i just can't deal with it and i don't know when (or if) i will be ready. It's work. People are crazy mehn. Hearing about all these men killing their wives is not helping matters. I just want to have my two daughters and be done, but i don't want to have kids if i don't have a man, rock and hard place things. At this point, as much as i would love a Nigerian man, if i find a good one from any race except (the one my father threatened me about lol), i would have to ditch my naija brothers. I guess the key is to find someone who you can work with. I just can't imagine jumping into marriage with someone i barely know. This things is supposed to be forever. Even though i wholeheartedly believe in divorce, i don't want one if i can help it, neither do i want to be suffering and smiling in a horrible, loveless marriage that i am just managing. Mba nu. I refuse.

I was angry when i started this post and i had just sent someone who offended me an email (not a guy). Now, i feel better. Writing really is therapeutic. I apologize if this was a rambling post. My brother already told me my blog is boring and he can't be bothered to read it. Chei!

Boaz

For those of you wondering who Boaz is. If i hadn't see this on facebook last month, i would have no clue cos i see people mentioning Boaz on Twitter all the time.

What would you do?

Hey guys,

Shit has gotten real! I'm just going to leave it at that. Had no intention of blogging today. I have been studying since 5am. I literally rolled off my couch at 4.45a, went to brush my teeth and was sitting on this chair by 5am. It's almost 7pm. No, i haven't been studying non-stop. Took like an hour break when my friend stopped by. I've still got so much to do today, but I'm hungry and i have food in my fridge but don't know what to eat. This is the problem with having a stocked up fridge. Choices. Not used to those anymore.

Got some stuff from my sissy in the mail today. Maybe i will rustle up some pictures for you guys. I just think it's great to get stuff besides bills in the mail. Which is why i have been subscribed to Cosmo since 2004 (non-freaking stop). Hey! That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm also subscribed to Glamour but that's more recent and i don't like it as much as Cosmo, although i would say they have gotten better or maybe i am used to them now.

Looking forward to making suya. Allnigerianrecipes.com has the recipe and process and i so want to try it.

Ghana garri! lol. Ok!

This is a surprise. I know u can get them from walmart but she kept asking me what else i wanted and i said surprise me.

Strawberry flavored cranberries. I can't eat my oatmeal without these

Yes o! I need to learn. Let see if he makes sense. Not a big fan cos he cheated on his wife with his current wife. Side eye to him. I guess he should know.*rolls eyes*

Who else wants to send me a care package? We can pretend I'm in the military. I might as well be. This is boot camp for the intellect. I used to enjoy hunting down stuff to make my sister a care package whenever she is deployed. 

There's actually a reason for this random post. So i heard something today and i wanted you guys to comment on it.So ladies, you've been married to this guy for x number of years and for the last 2 years you guys have been trying to get pregnant. Husband told you his sperm count was fine and since you had an STD as a teenager, you have been blaming yourself for your inability to get pregnant. You really haven't told anyone in your extended family about your struggles with infertility but finally you broke down to your MIL and her first response was "oh hubby reversed his vasectomy?" Come to find out your husband had a vasectomy when he was younger because he didn't want to have kids. When you talk to him, you find out he still doesn't want to have kids but he didn't tell you because he felt that if you went through the process of trying and failed, you would eventually become tired and give up on the idea having kids. o_O

 Would you stay and forgive him or would you bounce? This is a real story and of course this is not a Nigerian couple. I am yet to meet an African who doesn't want kids. Even if you don't want kids, fear would not let you voice it out, everyone would reject it and "god forbid" it on your behalf.

Ok, I'm going to have to think seriously about dinner.

Bye pipu!

Late Night Brain Dump: Episode Cuatro

I'm starting to feel really stressed out. This only happens when i allow myself to think about the enormity of this exam and self doubt takes over my mind. Instant headache. I've decided to take a break and go braid my hair tomorrow. Mostly because i'm sick of this crap called hair on my head. It is so annoying. The last time i braided was 2009 and i hate it. The long hours, the pain, everything just sucks. I don't want to deal with a wig or a weave so i'm left with no choice than to braid. My hair is a demon child of satan. I want to shave it so bad but i can't be going to the hospital all bald and shit.

It's a good thing i built up my self-esteem at the right time, which i was when i was a teenager because i have never felt so unlike myself as i do right now. My hair has gone to shit, i have gained weight (i sit down for 14 freaking hours a day), I almost feel ugly. Almost, but not quite but we are pretty close. I just added my next door neighbor on facebook. I'm weird cos i barely have anyone in my school as friends on facebook. Just the people i really talk to and then again, not all of them cos i am very facebook bipolar. I have abused that deactivation button. Anyway, she and another of my neighbors who is also in my school but not my friend on facebook, stopped by to say hi. Next door neighbor was like, i saw your pictures on facebook and like wow, and before she could continue, the other one said, "yeah, she said she saw your pictures and you used to be so pretty". I just bursted out laughing. She tried to explain that she didn't mean it in a bad way and i told her it was okay and i understand i look less human these days. I was actually amused by it.

I am seriously contemplating postponing my exam and taking my vacation month first. I would have to speak to the registrar and tell her i need more time to study so she can rearrange my schedule. That way i can take the exam in July and get some time off then come back in August. 90% sure at this point. I really don't want to take this exam when i'm not ready for it and i don't think i'm ready or almost ready. I could do it just to get it over with, but i don't want to do that. I want to put my best foot forward and be satisfied that i did all i could. I'm not there yet.

There are a bunch of idiots yelling in the parking lot. I don't know if they know that their voices carry. I don't want to hear all your ghetto ass drama. Gonorrhea? Hmmm.....People who have unprotected sex these days are just lame. I have no words.

I learnt some cool stuff from my last post. So what i grew up knowing as Amuge is also called Awin, Icheku, and Licki licki. I remember when i was younger we had a househelp who kept trying to describe a certain fruit to me. She said it was the best thing she ever had but no matter how hard she tried, i had no clue what she was talking about. She kept calling it Udara. So i said, whenever you go home bring me one so i can see try this fruit. When she came back and gave it to me, i was like oh! Cherry......lol. That's what we called it. Not sure why and it looks nothing like the American cherry. The beauty of Nigeria. So many different cultures. I love it.

What happened to Asha? She needs to come and mark HoneyDame's register. Hope she's okay sha.

Oh one important thing. I am strongly of the opinion that people need to stop putting their new born babies picture on facebook. Maybe it's not a big deal but i have a problem with it. Most newborn babies are not the cutest things to look at. Some definitely are but others you need to give them time to grow into their faces. I know all babies are "supposed" to be cute, but come on. I think the worst thing you could do (okay, maybe not the worst), is to put your child up for people (including me) to ridicule behind your back. I never say a baby is cute when it isn't but a lot of people do. I guess it's the right thing to do.

Besides the looks, do you know how EASY it is to pull any picture off facebook? It is scary easy. I mean, i've been looking at random pictures on facebook using my phone and somehow, i find said picture downloaded on my phone and i didn't even do it on purpose. Anyway, to each his own. I just feel like if you have 1,000 friends on facebook, don't put your baby's picture up. Not everyone is really your friend.  You have a lot more frenemies than friends. Maybe i'm just paranoid or maybe i have seen one too many babies that need to grow into their faces before being displayed to people you haven't spoken to in 10 years or more. I'm just saying. Friendly advise.

Unboxing surprise

Guess what i got in the mail today?

I don't think i had this for a long while even before i left Nigeria, so it's been over 13 yrs. We call it Amuge and i know the english name for it is Velvet Tamarind, my friend calls it licki-licki. I'm curious to see what other people call this.

You know what i miss.....soursop. That fruit was delicious. I think they might have it here though.

I had a discussion with my friend about my previous post and how i came across and it was hilarious. I'm going to set the record straight cos i have been asked by a couple of people (based on my stance). The first time was funny cos it was from a blogger and it just made my day and i had a good laugh over it. The second time, not so much cos it was a supposedly close friend and he was really rude and crass about it. The friendship ended that day. I don't tolerate such ill manners and crassness.

No, I am not gay or bisexual neither am i bicurious or bi anything. People are people and i have bigger issues in life than to worry about shit like that. The last time i checked, no one died and made me God. So there you have it. If i was even the slightest bit gay, you can be sure i would not be in the closet, at least, not at this point in my life. If you want to live with hate and prejudice in your heart against any group of people, that is most certainly your problem, not mine. My goal is to try to enjoy my life and not be worrying about shit i have no control over.

My Gays

So i took a mini 1-2 day hiatus but i'm back cos i need an outlet as my hair is still falling out. lol. Nah, yes it's still falling out but no, that's not why i came back. I really need to be able to write whatever nonsense i'm thinking. All my posts from now until further notice will continue to be crap, not that they were not crap before, so let's just say crappier. You won't believe i did not set foot outside this apartment for over 2 weeks. From May 14th until June 1st! If i stick to my schedule, i will not be leaving my apartment from June 2nd until June 18th. Madness, i tell ya! Good thing i'm an introvert and i'm already used to this, but it has never been this extreme. So you can see why i need an outlet. 

I am so sick/tired/miserable/paralyzed/overwhelmed with life right now. I wish i could decide not to take this exam. Just go up to the registrar and say" look lady, you see this med school exam taking, you only gave me 6 weeks to study, crap? I'm not having it. I refuse to take this exam now or ever and you have no choice but to let me graduate. Why? Cos i said so."

That will only happen in an alternate universe and since i never crase finish (still working on it), i have to face reality and continue the struggle. I took a practice exam yesterday and i when i saw the result, instant headache. I just went to lie down. Funny how i don't know how to crazy freak out anymore. After numerous episodes of that in the last couple of years, i've come to the realization, that is just a waste of time and energy. So, atula continua, victoria acerta. Furshur!

So i really got into youtube this year and i don't know how it happened cos it certainly wasn't on purpose but i am subscribed a quite a few gay guys. I will share with you guys just cos i love you and they make me laugh or keep me entertained. I don't have time to pull my favorite videos of them cos i need to go take a nap or something, so i'm just going to pick the first thing i find. Hope you enjoy and become fans cos i like 'em. I'll put them in order of how much i like them. Enjoy.

Chicken

Can someone explain to me why instead of answering these questions i have in front of me, i am thinking of how to rear chickens in my apartment. Why did the thought enter my head?

If you have everveaten "american" chicken, you would know why. I know they sell old chicken aka hens (as people call them) in Asian stores or some farmers market, which is why i think something is wrong with me for having chicken raising thoughts in the first place. I normally eat chicken breast anyway cos i hate those thighs and besides i don't buy meat these days cos i'm cutting down on my meat intake. So yeah, i think i am slowly but surely losing what's left of my mind.

Spread light

I had my best study day yesterday. 15+ hours of beasting it but i was sad throughout.
Lives, loves, dreams, gone, just like that. What a horrible way to die.
Let's not forget that we are ALL going to die. The mortality rate is still 100% and will always be, but senseless, premature, PREVENTABLE deaths, that i have i problem with. Are we going to continue to let these people use our lives to play kalo kalo? The lack of value for human life in Nigeria is appalling and you see it in every sector. There's nowhere to hide, church is no longer a sanctuary in some places because who knows the day Boko Haram will strike. What is going on?

All we do is talk, talk, talk, talk, protest from now till tomorrow. NOTHING is ever done. Nothing. The government is useless and selfish and has always been. GEJ is a weist and will always be. I don't like him at all. He is worse than a puppet. Why did we ever think his government will be different? I'm really saddened by the current state of Nigeria. Since i'm not there and have no plans of going anytime soon, i would love to turn a blind eye to what's going on, but i can't. I wouldn't be who i am today if i wasn't raised in Nigeria. Nigeria will always be a part of me.

The main message in this post is in the picture. We only get one life and we don't know when our expiration date is. Let's make the best of the life we have. This is something i am conscious of EVERYDAY. I went through a phase where i was so preoccupied with death and dying and i was constantly scared of losing someone.Every phone call from home was answered in fear. My brother learnt real fast not to ever call me at 7 o'clock in the morning just to check up on me. I'm not sure what brought on that paranoia but with time it faded and i'm more normal these days.  Regardless of how i feel about my day to day life, i am always, always thankful and never take for granted how blessed i truly am. I've got both parents, all siblings, so much love and support. Those are the most important things. I take each day as a learning experience and constantly strive to improve myself.

A couple of months ago, i saw this picture and i had a light bulb moment. This is currently the theme of my life. I am striving to be a light, in what ever form that manifests itself as. Instead of perpetuating a fight or argument, i stay quiet. With my crazy temper, i never thought that it was possible. I've let people who deserved a tongue lashing go, peacefully. Just exit quietly out of my life. If i can't make a situation better, i don't want to make it worse. What do you want to be remembered for? Do you just want to exist and then die or do you want to touch lives and make a difference? We never know when our time is going to be up, live your best life now. I think about all the time i spend studying and wonder if this is what i really want to be doing with my life. The answer remains yes. It's a means to an end BUT as soon as i take this exam, I will go above and beyond to create balance in my life. I am done with my life being all about book, book, book, study, study, study. I need to insert other things that make me happy.

I don't know if i got my point across or if this will be useful to anyone but i need to go study so i'll stop writing.

Enjoy your day people. I love you guys!!!!

Bye!

Late Night Brain Dump : Episode Tres

I'm tempted to delete my blog again until after my exam

but truth be told, it is not a distraction

My only distraction is tiredness

and boredom

and being sick of studying

The closer the exam gets the less energy i have to freak out. 

I can't even freak out and be stupidly worried. 

I'm just so chill about the whole thing, i'm actually worried about not being worried. 

Craziness, i know! 

Denial and avoidance. 

Helllloooo!!

I have been sleeping on my couch, again

I haven't done that this year,  but since i moved my study table to my living room by my amebor window,

I just end up crashing there. 

My body doesn't like it anymore

Too much aches and pains and mysterious muscle pains. 

I'm going back to my bed. 

I always wonder why some people start their posts with "to the one or two people who read/follow this blog"

How do you figure that out? 

A lot more people read your blogs than leave comments. 

I would know. 

There are blogs i read regularly but never comment. 

For the first time today, it occurred to me that some people might chose their specialty not because of what they want, but because of what their significant others wants or doesn't want. 

Someone asked me what i wanted to specialize in and i said urology (just to be funny)

and he was like no, no, no I don't like that. 

So you will be asking men to drop trou and seeing their kini? No..I don't like it at all. 

How about you consider Peds, Cardiology or Neurosurgery

 I was like, why do i care what you like? Are you serious?

Dude is a friend of a friend

So imagine if he was my significant other and i really wanted to do urology? 

Wahala for dey o. 

How are you going to tell me what i should specialize in? 

You dey follow me dey read the book? 

As i dey suffer so, where u dey? 

Waka X10

Let me see the man that will come and put mouth in my career path with regards to what i should or should not do.

Unless he is a doctor and has constructive advice/suggestions, 

I don't want to hear it, just keep it to yourself. 

Tomorrow is a new day, new week.
Looking forward to sleeping on my bed and getting a full nights sleep. 

If i do end up deleting my blog, don't worry, it's only temporary. 

I usually have to shut everything down when i want to focus and we are at that point in the game

Also, looking forward to being part of Joel Osteen's service live 

You can do that on the internet. 

I love Joel Osteen mehn! He is soooo helping me get through med school.

Anyone who doesn't believe in God is on a long thing.

It's the fanatics i can't stand.
The religiously religious.
Common sense be damned. 

Have a greatttttt week guys and i will see you on the other side. 

Other side of what? I'm not exactly sure.

But i will be seeing you.

Late Night Brain Dump: Episode Dos

Besides my life, here's another casualty of med school. I don't even know where he is anymore. I gave him to my sister, who gave him to God knows who when she was sent to another base. I tire mehn.

I miss him. 

Some days more than others. 

He hasn't been mine for a while so i'm used to it

but i miss him. 

My friend said when she first met me she thought i wasn't a "real" Nigerian cos i was into my dog. 

Funny! 

It can't get realer than this

Authentic pidgin speaking, born, bred and buttered Edo geh

Another one is a counterfeit

I really don't enjoy being in med school. 

I can't wait to get that MD degree. 

I'm bored with the whole school thing at this point. 

Well, more exhausted than bored

but it is what it is

shit still needs to get done

so when i'm done complaining, 

i will still pick up my books and continue studying

how's that for a reality check.

I was telling one of my best friends that i wanted to hook her up
and she said she wants to pray about it.
I'm like what are you praying about?
I haven't even told you anything,
You don't even know his name...
She said, she doesn't need to know his name
God knows everything.
I thought she sounded crazy
I mean, i thought that when you are praying about something of that nature you can't just be vague all over the place like that. Correct me if i'm wrong.
Anyway, i understand everyone has their own relationship with God,
but i still thought she sounded crazy
I know her well enough to know this was just a convenient way
 to get out of the conversation


I have another one who told me she has been praying fervently for a husband
her voice has cracked.
The thing is giving her headache and sleepless nights. 
I said, eh hen?
Are you going to let me introduce you to someone?
No.
Hook ups don't work for me.
Besides, if i agreed to that i would be telling God i don't trust him, like i'm trying to help him out or something.
o_O
For reals?
How do you know how God is going to answer your prayer?
I told her, you say hook ups don't work for you, neither does meeting anyone by yourself cos if meeting someone by yourself was the sure fire way of getting into a good relationship then you would be married by now.
*silence*
Yes, i know that was mean, but i thought she was being ridiculous.
You really, really, really want to get married,
yet you want to pick and chose how you meet the person.
Does it matter really?
How about be open.
You never know.