I stubbed my big toe and it hurts

I totally messed up all my outlets and i'm mad at myself. The last two days have been hectic for me, I have never been more tired. I finally got a chance to sit down and relax at about 8pm and for the first time in a very long time, i was bored. Weird state to be in, so i sat and wrote my sister's essay.

I start rotations tomorrow. 

RPM

Resusitative and Perioperative Medicine

Whatever that means. 

aka Anesthesia

I asked for the VA

We'll see what the gods of lottery scheduling give me

A month ago, I was scared of starting rotations, 

now i just don't care. 

I'm too tired. 

It's either you sink or you swim

Any which way na way.

Watch out for tales from the wards

probably nothing about patients 

and all about how i fumble my way through this thing

as usual

Let's play a game

On my next post........................

PSA: GIRL CODE

I think relationships can sometimes make the sanest of us crazy. You lose your mind, your common sense and pretty much become blind, deaf and dumb (not as in mute but as in a first class fool). At this point, you have essentially handed someone your mumu button and they have no qualms pushing it. This is all well and good, until you get your friends involved. Now, if you have friends that really care about you, after tip toeing around the obvious (to everyone else but you) truth, they will finally reach their limit and tell you the truth. This is kind of risky, because since you are so lost, there is an 80% chance that you will not be ending the relationship. My friends have taken that chance with me, and i have also taken that chance with friends. You can't keep telling me the same thing about the same guy and expect me to not get fed up with the bullshit and make me want to shake you. The handwriting is on the freaking wall, let me help you read it.

I am very careful with people's emotions, especially because i am a naturally blunt person and since i've been there, i understand. I have had to learn over the years to regulate how i say what i say so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. I think i have gotten quite good at it. Now, if you push me to the point where i have to be straight up real with you, no sugar coating, raising my voice and pretty much just letting you having it, then you know the situation has gotten ridiculous and i can't deal with it anymore.

The thing is, if YOU come to me and i tell you MY OPINION, you are not allowed to go and tell the guy what i said. Why are you going to put me in the middle? That is girl code 101. If i didn't care about you or your happiness, i wouldn't say shit to you. Keep on fooling yourself, wetin concern me. Some chics just need to be slapped and unfortunately, sometimes they happen to be my closest friends who i really care about. I have been that chic that needed to be slapped and i have infact given Dr.Sushi permission to do so whenever she sees i'm losing my common sense over some guy in the future. Person dey old pass something. Seriously, you don't have to be in a relationship. Being single is sometimes a good thing. Work on yourself, be free, live, heal and get to know who you are. Why people get so eager to be a couple will never cease to baffle me, but it is what it is. You will find someone, just chillllllllllllllllllll.

I think i will soon retire from giving certain people relationship advice. In fact, i have retired. 3 days to my exam, i left what i was doing to listen to a crying friend. I had kind of being tiptoeing around the issue, but i guess a combination of stress and frustration from my exam prep just made me lose it. I just wanted to knock some sense into this chic. I spent at least two hours talking to her cos i wanted her to feel better. I just told her as it is. I'm never one to tell someone to leave a guy, but this time, i did. It was needed. This was an exact repeat of something that happened earlier this year only much worse and i didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. A day before my exam, i still called to check on her, then I called after my exam but i haven't been able to hear from her until today. Now i'm hearing stories. Just as i predicted she's back with this dude and my name is in his mouth, maka why?

You don't go tell your dude what your friend said especially if you know she's looking out for you. It's just not done. Am i upset? NO. I really don't care. I just know i wouldn't be saying shit to her about her relationship anymore. She can continue with the madness. Just wanted to put a little PSA out there, girls, don't do shit like that. It's not cool.

Akachukwu

So after whining and stressing myself and you guys out over my Step 1, i took it and disappeared. Abi? LOL. I don run go house o. I was on the first flight out 6.35am, sharp sharp. I had no intention of blogging until i got back. Infact, i haven't even turned on my computer until today. I have some school related stuff to do but the peds department has decided to frustrate me with their oversabi and million questions, so i'm taking a break from it.

So how did my exam go? I had a MUCH better day than i anticipated. I didn't get tired until the last block (the eighth hour), I had 8 minutes of break time left before my last block but when i looked out towards where the proctors where there were people waiting to sign in and i figured before i go through the process of signing out and signing back in, which involves fingerprints and being wanded, my 8 mins will be up, so i went from block 6 to 7 without taking a break. Big mistake. I literally saw myself crashing. I couldn't focus or think and i was sleepy, it was such a struggle. I had to keep telling myself that it was almost over. I finished that block with 5 mins to spare and i just submitted it cos i was DONE!I didn't have the mental stamina to go on, besides, i had changed a right answer to wrong as in a previous block at the very last minute and as i attempted to switch it back to the original answer the block ended. Really easy question too. I have been killing myself over it.

Best part of the day was i was not in any sort of pain, which is a miracle. You have no idea. I had help with my meds which i had strategized on how and when to take them and apparently it worked. I managed to amuse myself during the exam as usual. First, there was the picture we took when we first checked in and after every block, you have to sign in to the next block with your CIN and the picture comes up. I looked like someone that was about to get executed. I had no clue i looked like that. You could see the fear in my eyes. Anytime i saw the picture, i cracked up. As soon as i started the exam, all my fears and nervousness went away, completely. I just focused on the questions, there were questions that even if you put a gun to my head i won't know, i just gave those ones to Jesus.

I really can't tell if i passed or not. I hope i did cos i don't want to take this exam again, but i don't want to barely pass cos that would SUCK! Either way, i know i did my best. I don't know how else i would study for this exam if i don't pass it. I've had nightmares (not exaggerating) since Tuesday. I wake up thinking about a question i had and freaking out i picked the wrong answer. I have not been able to just relax and not worry cos i keep remembering easy questions i had and wondering if i picked the right answer. I'm still stressed out by the whole thing, but i'm so glad i am at home around people who can talk me out of my madness.

I feel like we all are in this together. I REALLY appreciate all the good luck wishes, emails, DMs, text messages, and phone calls. Bumight sent me some flashcards and a book which was really sweet of her. She offered for me to call her if i was freaking out the day before the exam, which i was, but i went for a drive and came home and slept cos i felt like crap.

Overall it was a good day. I didn't get a bloody batch of questions. I barely had any biochem questions and  that was my arch nemesis. The Saturday before my exam, i just had to say fuck it and thank God i didn't put anymore effort into it. I've done my best and i've put it in God's hands. I just hope i don't fail. That would so not be good. I'm still praying and trying to calm down and i am loving my time at home. Love, love, love.

Dancing Butterzonto

The Devil is trying to use me

This is the second night in a row, i am experiencing what i call "stress insomnia". I only ever feel like this AFTER an exam. I'm usually too stressed to sleep and end up being awake all night. It's really frustrating to be exhausted with a head that feels like iron fluff :) and not be able to sleep. I finally fell asleep at about 3am yesterday and Dr. Sushi woke me up with a muffin at about 8am. I was scared when i heard the knock on my door that early, but i enjoyed the muffin and ended up having it for breakfast and lunch cos i split it in half and saved the rest. My stomach doesn't seem to be accepting large amounts of food anymore, which is a good thing, but i never was too much of an eater to begin with.

My countdown clock says i have 1day, 7hrs, 55 minutes, 40secs to my exam. I remember when it had over a 100 days. I am SOOOOO ready to be done with this exam but at the same time i don't feel ready. I don't think i will ever feel ready. The worst thing is i now feel like my brain is empty and i know nothing. It's taking a lot for me not to freak out. I wanted to finish reviewing First Aid one more time, but there no possible way it's going to happen. Everyone says don't study a day before your exam and i don't plan to but i want to go over notes i took while doing uworld and the flashcards Bumight sent me, then maybe the rapid review at the end of FA. To think i have to go through this again next year for Step 2 is blowing my mind, like how did i not see this. What was i thinking when i decided to go to med school? Ok, i need to leave that train of thought cos i know perfectly well what i was thinking.

I really just want to sleep but i understand why i can't sleep. Since i never deal with this with any regularity, i've never found a way to deal with it. I just hope to God this doesn't happen tomorrow night because i would be screwed. I need to be as rested as possible. Funny how the whole time i've been on vacation from school, i have been sleeping awesome at night. I get a minimum of 6 hours every freaking night, which is great cos i usually average 4hours a night when school is in session. Now 2 days before my exam, i develop insomnia. This is the hand of lucifer right there. You see it, i see it!

Anyhoo, i plan to go get snacks for my exam tomorrow. I'm really worried about lasting through 8 hours without any stimulant plus dealing with my health issue (pain related) which gets worse when i'm stressed. I'm majorly worried about that. Can't do much about it except pray i have a good day with regards to that. I'm still taking suggestions as to what snacks to get. My friend said something that has a lot of sugar, i'm worried about crashing and besides i'm not a snacker so i have no clue what to get.

The exam is 8 hours long with 7 one hour blocks of 46 questions and an hour of break time. Well, 45 mins of break time, but u get an extra 15 mins if you skip the tutorial in the beginning which i plan to do. My game plan is to do block 1 and 2, 10 min break, block 3 and 4, lunch break (20-25mins), block 5, 10 mins break, block 6, 15 min break and block 7, HOME! That's the general plan, but it really will depend on how i am feeling.

I don't know why i am so scared of this exam. Maybe because it pretty much determines your future career path (or so everyone likes to say). If u want to be an orthopedic surgeon and get a low score, you might as well forget it. I don't want to be an orthopedic surgeon, i don't know what i want to be, which makes it worse cos i feel like i need to have a good score so i would have all my options open to me. The pressure is just too much. I've done my best sha. Good or bad, i did the best i could and i physically can't take it anymore. I would go crazy if i have to keep studying for this exam. In fact, i stopped studying at 6pm today cos i felt like my head was about to explode and went to scrub my kitchen floor, hands and knees scrubbing, naija style. Stuff like that helps me relax. I'm weird, i know.

Med school is just torturing me. I sincerely hope it gets better. On the flip side, i have something to look forward to on Wednesday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited and happy for it.

Wish me luck cos i need it. I need a miracle. I need a body double, in fact I need Jesus!

Help......

I can't drink caffeine or any of its cousins. Does anyone know of a good snack bar or something of that nature I can get to keep my energy/alertness up? I need it during my wonderful 8 hour long exam. This is kinda urgent so any and all suggestions are welcome.

Compliments

The closer it gets to my exam, the harder it is to study. Firstly, i am tayad! Secondly, fear is using me to play ball. I'm just scared. I'm still gathering liver and trying not to think about the enormity of it hence this blog post.

I have a question for you ladies, do you prefer compliments from guys or girls? I started receiving compliments from guys in my very early teens, that by the time i graduated from secondary school, if i guy told me i was pretty, it didn't mean anything to me and i think it has been that way ever since, for the most part. I prefer compliments from females because I think it's more sincere.

The best compliment i received in recent times was on my smile and it wasn't even told to me. I overheard the academic affairs receptionist, an old lady telling my Dean, as i walked away (after saying hi to them) that i had such a beautiful smile :) I loved it!

Then there was my first day at work in the second psych hospital i worked at, and this nurse walks up to me and was like "look at her, she's soooo cute" and had her hands almost touching my face. I was flattered and embarrassed at the same time cos it was almost like she was talking/about a child.

Another favorite - Gas station years ago. A guy walks by me, looks back and says "You are gorgeous" and keeps walking. See bursting of head. All i usually ever get it is pretty and cute, pretty and cute, pretty and cute. I dey forbid to be beautiful?

I just asked Dr. Sushi what she prefers and she says compliments from HER GUY. Girls can go to hell. LOL. She said she prefers girls to hate than to compliment. Why? You will have to ask her yourself.

So what do u guys think? Compliments from the same sex or opposite sex? What's the best compliment you have received?

I just wrote the post to pass time, calm down and flatter my own self. What will i do without this blog?

I'm gonna go read. I feel better.

Baba God Noni

I remember the day of the 2 semester long cumulative final for pathology and how i felt like a cow being dragged to the slaughter. Less than 48 hrs before i had just finished a cumulative final for Pharmacology which was an essay type, short answer, 33 pages long and over 85 questions with a, b and c exam. I was in the second exam group and had stayed up all night studying, which i hate to do the night before an exam but in this case i had no choice. To say i was scared would be an understatement. I didn't have too much wiggle room. Technically, i could fail the final and still pass the course, but like i said, i really didn't have much wriggle room. I didn't think i knew enough. There was absolutely no way in hell i could remember all these

This doesn't include the final block of notes

But since time stops for no one, that day came and i dragged myself to school. We had to wait for the first exam group to finish as they were running behind. People were standing outside the computer lab, blabbering away. I just sat on the floor half dead, looking like death warmed over, embraced by the cold arms of fear. Most people appeared nonchalant about the exam and some said as much. I mean, there were people who could have 30% on the final and still pass the class. People were talking about how they were sick of studying and just spent the day before on their patio, skimming through their notes. In my head i was thinking "it must be nice". I had been battling for days straight. No skimming through notes on this end. Then i saw this dude, who looked just as bad and if not worse than me. His eyes were red and he looked like he had been put through the wringer. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other in perfect understanding and i started to laugh but we never said a word to each other.

I went into that computer lab in complete and utter fear. I knew i hadn't done enough. I started having trouble from the 4th question. Skin! I was like, Dr. X, for reals? How u gonna ask this question in this manner? It was just a mess from then on. I had to stop multiple times to calm myself down. By question 14, i was convinced, i was going to fail. 86 more questions to go and i was already mentally fucked. Not a good place to be at that time. So i stopped and prayed and i told God i had done my best, this was his time to shine. I was one of the last people to leave that computer lab and i think i used up all my time and my test was submitted by the computer. I was convinced i failed. I called my mom crying, i just knew in my head i had failed that exam. It was a hundred questions and i was physically and mentally tired from the week long battle with both path and pharm.

We were not supposed to get our grade back that day like we usually did, but somehow people figured out that we could see our grade through our course site. Apparently it had been that way the whole year but i never knew until finals cos they usually just emailed you your grade as soon as you were done. Anyhoo, my friend told me we didn't have to wait until monday and i could check the course site. So after trying to find friends who could check it for me and not getting anyone, i chopped liver and decided to check it myself. I covered my face with my hands and peeped through my fingers (the crazy things i do). When i saw my grade, i just started crying. Crying, like my world had ended and i was about to die. I called my mom and almost gave her a heart attack a second time. I scored WAY more than i needed to pass. Way more. Way more. Like, i wasn't even close to my minimum.

This is just one of the examples of the hand of God in my life. I'm not kidding when i say i  am not lucky, i'm blessed.

Judgment day (aka boards) is fast approaching. Tick tock, tick tock. Let's see what God has in store for me. I'm doing the best i can, he gets to finish it. I love it!

Blessed!

God has lifted my spirits!

I am SO blessed

I'm not lucky
I'm BLESSED!!!!!

How to make a shrug from a T-shirt

Late Night Brain Dump: Episode Who Cares?

I was just thinking about how one of the reasons i went into medicine was because it was challenging. I like a challenge especially since i get bored easily.

Well, consider me thoroughly challenged. 

 I will not be making the same mistake when picking a specialty. I don't want anymore challenges so i will be going as far away as possible from any field that is going to overly stress me out. 

Naivety is not a good thing. For all you pre-meds out there, the worst thing you can do for yourself is to romanticize and idealize the idea of medicine. I will say no more. 

My spirit is just restless

I almost feel like i'm wasting my life

Like, i'm just existing and not really living. 

Things have to change. 

Got an email today about being one of the 77 errants students who did not update their account with their pager number. I must have missed the memo asking us to do that. Anyhoo, since they gave us 24 hrs to do it (as if they would do anything if 24 hours passes), i logged into my account and lo and behold, what do i see staring at me? 

The school picture we took in April. 

Blood of Jesus! 

Blood of Jesus H. Christ! 

I'm finished. 

To think i'm stuck with that picture for the rest of my med school life. 

They use your school picture EVERYFREAKINGWHERE. 

You don't understand! 

I looked like garri that had soaked and traveled

My heart is just broken. 

No more food for me. 

It's a wrap.

 

Classic Med school Dilemma

How do i shove all this amount of material into my brain, in this (small) amount of time? A recurring problem. I can tell you that.

I dey look book, book dey look me. Only the power of suppression is keeping me sane. Jesus, father, lord, Jehovah, Chukwu, Oghene, Oghena, Osanobua, biko nu......I need other powers.

Let me be a winch for Jesus!

Okay! I'm going to stop playing and go and finish my questions.

Sleep is for the weak, but i am weak, Lord Jesus. I am weak. LOL.

O Chukwu!

Crazy people problems

I say i want fine boy, I want fine boy

I see fine boy, 

I say e too fine.

Cocoyam

This is how i carry last in everything. 

When God was handing out genius brains, where was i? 

I was back there somewhere eating cocoyam. 

Now look...

See me, see book

see cement

see brain

 I shall be setting P with my books tonight

I just ♥ Banky W.
Like!
Seriously!
Big head and all :)

P.S If i wasn't going to be a doctor, i would so be a chef.
I don't necessarily like eating food as much as i love making it and coming up with new recipes aka concortions that taste good. Anyone ever made beans, but instead of using just plain tomato sauce at the end (I never use palm oil to cook anything), make your sauce like you want to make fried rice......saute the liver, different color peppers, and then add in tomato sauce (and your other seasonings) and let simmer before adding it to the beans?
Yummmerz x10
Try it.

Awwww....... :))

I just randomly decided to go check my mail cos my friend just left my apartment. I don't check my mail everyday, especially not on Saturdays. I opened my mailbox and saw a package and i was like who is sending me stuff AND THEN i smelt it :)

 

This completely, totally, absolutely made my day. 

HONEYDAME!!! Thank you! You will marry a good husband, have 5 sets of twins, you will go and get that masters, then Phd and i will give you my goddaughter for your nephew for only N21. 

I thot this chic was playing with my food emotions and when she asked for my address and i gave her, i even said, no rush o, take your time and promptly forgot about it, but as soon as i smelt that package today, i was just grinning like a christmas goat. 

I really loved the note but as i no come get abgo jedi jedi, na to rough am na. 

No worry, God is in control. 

Thank you, honey!

I still think u are a ninja, but a good naija ninja. 

Oya, you people should help me tell her thanks. 

I'm going to pay it forward and when i go home for christmas, two lucky readers who live in the US will be getting some chin chin from me. 

I make some bomb ass chin chin, if i say so myself. 

Hairy Beast

I stumbled on this yesterday on someone's tumblr and it made me holler with laughter because it was so unexpected. Ugly people problems? Seriously?!! I hunted down the original tumblr. Funny!!! This is why i insist on fine boys only. I refuse to have ugly kids. Life is hard enough as it is. LOL 

Now this video cracked me up! This old lady actually beat her pastor with the bible. I guess she was trying to beat the devil out of him or something.

Then my brother made me laugh yesterday. He is a pharmacy intern and he said he saw the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen in his life. He was like, she was tall, could be a model and he was thinking to himself as she was walking up how she could get it (his words). Then he starts ringing her meds up and he is thinking to himself as he reads each one, she has this, oh i could live with that, until he gets to acyclovir (for herpes) and there was like a cartoon sound in his head, and he was like No! The way he said it cracked me up. He is such a goose. I told him there are millions of people with herpes these days and he was like yeah, he would rather not.

My friend was just telling me a couple of days ago about our classmate who met this guy and because he said he doesn't like condoms, she started having unprotected sex with him. She was all about what if she gets pregnant and my thing is there are worse things than getting pregnant. What if she gets HIV or herpes? Those are incurable. Why is she not scared? I cannot for the life of me get why people are taking that chance with their lives especially if you are older and should know better. I actually heard that you can get herpes even if you use protection. Don't quote me o. I'm not a doctor yet. This is where you embrace google.

 I found this study yesterday which i thought was interesting. There might be a link between chemical relaxers and fibriods. It kinda makes sense seeing how fibriods are so rampant in blacks. I just read the abstract and it pretty much talks about their findings and how it raises the hypothesis that fibriods might be related to relaxers. Now they have to prove their hypothesis before we can speak decisively on that but it is something to consider and think about. Read the abstract here if you are interested.

Ok guys, i need some honesty and straight talk in my life. Apparently, i am a hairy beast, arms and legs. I can't stand hair on my legs (but that only happened after i came to the states) so i shave like a normal person but my arms are another issue. I shaved them once in 2003 and felt like a plucked chicken and i was like, "society, you get my legs, i will be keeping the hair on my arms". Ain't nobody got time for that. The problem is for the last couple of months, i get really irritated when i see the hair on my arms which is everyday. I just ignore it but it's getting worse. My neigbors arms are as hairy as mine (we compared) and she said she can't be bothered to shave them. Question is, do you guys shave your arms? Is that a "normal" thing to do? I really don't want to start what i can't continue. I just think it's weird to be shaving my arms like a beast that's trying to pass as human.

What do you think? Shave or no shave? Would it bother you to see a chic with such arms?

Break time is over but i think i've forgotten how to study or my brain is just made of cement. I don't know anymore o. I had to call my dad yesterday because i needed a pep talk and it was a good 20 minutes of yelling/encouragement about how if i wasn't smart i wouldn't be in med school. Story! He made some sense about the power of positive speaking and not having a defeatist attitude. O boy eh! Na me find trouble. Maybe i should have just gone and become a native doctor. I bet it's way easier than this mess.

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up

Equality and an Evil Sister

To torture you

This is what my sister sent me today and the caption she sent it with. Una see why i say she no good. This is after she has put me on a starvation diet o. Like, if you leave this girl, i should not even be eating food at all. I had to tell her i can't study while hungry. She actually told me one time to eat one spoon of mixed veggies and tilapia. I was like, one spoon? Girl, you crazy! I thought she meant a tablespoon but she said she meant a serving spoon. Even at that, i refused. Na so we dey battle everyday o.
I have to call her now and ask for permission to go get chinese. She's my weight loss coach, meanwhile she has the benefit of a nursing baby helping her drop the pounds and she has lost 22 pounds in 3 weeks (since she gave birth). I have told her i will soon go borrow a baby and become a nursing mother too before she kills me. 

♥

♥♥
♥♥♥
I wholeheartedly endorse this message

Sorry for not responding to comments. I promise to do that ASAP.

 Olusimeon, you are my booski forever. Muah muah muah!

I love this cover

Plain Witch

Today is the day i officially say goodbye to sleep. 

"I'm a winch for Jesus" 

I've been chuckling all day over this. Someone mentioned it in the comment section of my previous post. 

Is something wrong with me? I still don't see why that is such a bad thing.
She said she's a winch for Jesus. 

At least it's for Jesus

It never fails to crack me up every time i think about it.

Nigerians are special.

(Both girl and pastor)

Funny enough his daughter in law's sister just graduated from my school. 

That's who he should have slapped. 

She's just a witch plain and simple. 

From now on i am only going to be talking about politics on this blog. 

If you believe that, you'll believe anything. 

Got an email about my rotation for next month. 

Shit is getting real. 

Really looking forward to taking this exam and just being DONE with it. 

I want my life back and i get it back for a min before it's not mine again. 

I wish i could go home but i can't

i seem to have relocated permanently to brokeville.

Oh wells. 

I finally saw the camera i want but i will just keep it in my dreams for a while

until i rob a bank

or inherit a fortune 

or something 

probably nothing

There's no way in hell i can get a camera for $600 at this point in my life. 

I miss the days when i worked and had money to do whatever i wanted.

I think being broke and in med school are like a christain husband and wife who hate each other.
They are sick of each other but are stuck together for life.
LOL.

God will help me.
Don't worry. 

Tough Questions

This is where i give you my version of the truth as I know and believe it :) Of course, we all know this is my opinion, so take it for what it's worth.

Do you believe in premarital sex?   
 An anonymous commenter asked this question (for the 2 days i allowed anonymous comments) and since it was so random, i didn't answer it but asked a question back which never got responded to. Anyhoodle, i think if you are a Christian, you go to church every Sunday, sing in the choir, have reserved your space in heaven right underneath Jesus's feet etc etc and you use the bible to justify why you do certain things you or believe certain things you believe, then you shouldn't be having sex before marriage because the bible is CLEARLY against that. Anything else would be hypocrisy to me oooooo. I think most "Christians" now view sex before marriage as an acceptable sin.

Maybe i'm just a little witch, but i can never take anyone seriously who i know is always in the church or claims to be a good christian yet is having sex when they are not married. This is one of my many beefs with the religious. If however, you are just a church goer (una know say una many), or not religious or an olokun or sango worhsipper and you want to have sex with someone you are not married to, then that's a decision for you, your conscience, and your beliefs. Whatever floats your boat, just be safe. Nobody should be having unprotected sex in this day and age. Are you not scared? The most important thing to me is to respect your body. However you chose to do that is up to you.

Do you believe in heaven and hell?
My honest answer lies between Not really and No. Especially not with the way people paint a picture of it. There are some people who are living on this earth and they might as well be in hell. I live a very simple life and i'm sure if i end up being wrong and there's heaven, then i'm good. If not, i will be chilling in purgatory for a while and if that fails, then i know for sure i will have a lots of good company in hell. We go plenty wey dey there. I have my reservations about being with all those stuffy people anyway. See how obnoxious they are here on earth, imagine how they will be in heaven. They no go let person drink water put cup down.

I'm not really worried about the afterlife. Just be a good person now you are alive. Make a difference, touch someone's life in whatever way you can, be your brother's keeper, stop all the self righteousness and let God handle the rest. I have a classmate who is a VERY good, pray 5 times a day, hijab wearing muslim. She told me all Christians are going to hell. I told her to let God be the judge of that. She later came back to apologize to me because she had talked to her mom who told her i was right. It wasn't even an argument because i no sabi argue that kind matter and i wasn't upset in anyway so i was surprised by the apology but obviously it bothered her because it was not in line with her beliefs or what she had been taught. I would find it very hard to say a devout muslim is going to hell just because they don't believe in what i believe. Let God be the judge of what's in our hearts. Live your life, spread light.

I know from some of the things i say on this blog it might seem like i'm a pagan. That's not exactly true. I am a christian (What?! You couldn't tell? lol). I believe in the power and grace of God. I also believe that my relationship with him is worth more than anything else. I  think that being born into a religion (or in my case following your parent to convert as a child) is not enough reason for you to accept the status quo without knowing for yourself, why you are a part of that religion and why you believe what you believe. This is a journey for me and i am open to where life takes me. If una hear say i don turn pastor tomorrow, no surprise o. lol. Money dey church work sha. Private jets, private universities, mansions and shit. I should consider it. Pastor Dr. Sting D. Quack. Sounds good.

This was supposed to be a two sentence post. Mad girl.

Just Stuff

I impulsively deleted my blog a couple of days ago.

To be honest, i have moments when i feel like i'm sharing my life with people who don't care and no, i'm not referring to anyone in particular. I've never been much of a complainer and i really can't objectively say how much complaining i do on this blog. Maybe a lot, maybe a little, i really don't know. I'm not the first person to go to med school and i won't be the last. Besides nobody forced me to go to med school so why should i bother anyone with my complaints. At the same time when i'm more rational, i get that this is my space and i can pretty much do whatever i want with it since i'm not forcing anyone to read.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.....i'm not sure if i will ever get past that but it gets better as the years go by and it doesn't seem as big of a deal. For those of you who just started reading this blog, i started med school in 2009 and i should have been graduating next year, but life happened and i was out of school for 6 months. I never would have dreamt i would have the experiences i have had in med school. This is not the med school life i pictured in my head. This has hands down been the most difficult time of my life and i never would have been able to imagine how hard it would be for me. I have never felt so dumber, so unlike myself and yet so blessed in my entire life.

Majority (definitely not all) of my classmates have taken step 1, but i wanted more time to study so i requested my vacation month be switched and instead of starting rotations this July i am starting in August. I was supposed to start with surgery July/August, instead i would be doing surgery next May/June, the absolute worst rotation to end the year with. Worst rotation, worst time. I don't want to say i've had enough of studying  because i know i'm just having a bad day but i'm getting there. I just couldn't seem to get it together today. Yesterday, i was SICK. Throbbing headache, fever, i feel like i'm about to die, call 911 kinda sick. It got to the point my dad was panicked and wanted me to call 911, but i decided to sleep it off and see how i felt today. I'm not 100, but i feel better today. So of course, it goes without saying i didn't study yesterday.

Sometimes it hits me how much i rely on this blog for support. Besides my family, i only have one friend i can vent to and she's going to be graduating next year, only God knows where the match is going to take her, then it will be just me. I wonder how it's going to be. I don't think it would be that different though but we shall see. Found out today that another one of "us" is repeating first year, that makes it 5 now and there might be more. Black kids are definitely a minority in my school. In my class, there are literally only 6 of us out of 200+ who are black so we have that sense of community, cos it's almost like whatever is going on with one of us, reflects on the rest of us, good or bad. The class after mine, have more minority kids  cos my school was cited for lack of diversity during their reaccreditation a couple of years ago and it's just crazy that since they went on summer vacation, everyday, we keeping hearing of someone who is repeating. My school is gangsta mehn! You will repeat because of ONE point. No exaggeration. No remediation, nothing. Once you are repeating, you are on automatic probation, and being on probation means that whatever leeway you might have had is GONE. If you too shake body, you will find yourself kicked out of med school for good.

This post was kinda pointless but the main gist of it is sometimes i feel weird blogging about my life the way i do and I don't know if i come across as a complainer or someone who thinks their life just sucks blah blah. It really shouldn't matter but i have moments where i feel vulnerable and get uncomfortable.

Thank you and Good night.

I'm back!

Woo hoo!!!! NOT!

I don use my hand take buy market. I see Nursing, Teacher, Navy, Air force, Housewife, Lawyer, Thief work, i say no. I haf to be Dokita. Ok na. Exam dey look me, i dey look exam. Come rain or sunshine, before August 1st, if i know wetin good for me, i go don write this exam. Gulp!

I know say i say i no go blog until i write the exam, but i haf tire. No be me kill Jesus o.....make una leave me. My friend tell me today say IF i still get bible make i go read this one passage like that. I say hian! So, na me come be certified pagan? Which one be, if i still get bible. I no fit laugh. I get bible o and i dey read am as the spirit leads but if i tell una wey the bible dey now, una go condemn me to hell. But i sure say Jesus no go mind, no be so far i dey read the bible?

I say make i run go Sam's club during my break go buy watermelon today. I don decide say na watermelon i go dey eat make i no go reach 200lbs before i write this exam finish. The one wey person dey siddon 14-15hrs a day, no be to fat go die, i dey find. I reach there na see battle between me and Hawaiian sweet rolls. After 5 minute battle wey i tanda dey look bread, i carry myself waka comot. Abeg, make nobody talk about exercise, i no get power for that one right now. Anyway, after i don go come back, carry the small load wey i buy up three flights of stairs (water, pineapple, banana, strawberry, watermelon, almonds, yogurts plus some other miscellenous items) na so all my body come dey pain me. For that small load?! O chukwu!  E be like say all my muscles don start to atrophy. I go be one fat, bald and atropied muscle woman before i graduate from med school.

I need divine intervention from the most high. Anybody wey say na so so complain, i dey complain about med school. I use jesus take beg you, park well. Allow me to bemoan my bemoanable life. Apparently, na neverending shit fest.

:)

I'm actually in very good spirits as evidenced by this pidgin english post. My crase don dey crase, but dem dey see like that.

If you don't understand pidgin, forgive me. Use this as an opportunity to start learning. All the cool people speak pidgin. Quote me :)

Bye pipu!

Not at all like christ - Happy Sunday

 I know i am supposed to be off in my little hole studying but this is important

If you read this blog regularly, you might have an idea about how i feel or what i think about religion. However, don't assume anything when it comes to me because there's always more to it than meets the eye. I used to think Christians were bad with regards to self righteousness until i started watching Hijabis on YouTube. I learnt what Haram meant pretty fast just by reading comments. It was either this is haram or that was haram, and people who do that are actually referred to as the haram police. Very off putting if you ask me. So now it's pretty evident to me that Christians don't hold the monopoly on self righteousness and being judgmental.

I don't claim to be a bible scholar or anything of that sort and i can count on one hand (literally) the number of times i have been to church since 2003 but remember the part of the bible where it says "train up a child....."?  From the time i was 9 (when we became Christians), i was raised in the church, i have a firm foundation that has never left me. If i know nothing else, i do know that as Christians we are supposed to be FOLLOWERS of CHRIST. We are supposed to emulate Christ and try to live our lives as he would. I don't remember anywhere in the bible where Jesus was judgmental or unforgiving. He did condemn the pharisees for trading in the temples, but he never looked down or ostracized sinners, neither did he slap anyone and tell them they were free to go to hell. He never said, you are gay therefore, i hate you and you will go to hell. People who want to talk about Sodom and Gomorrah, need to take the time to really read the old testament and check out some of the outlandish stuff that is in there. So are we going to pick and choose? Really? Really, really? It's not your place to judge anyone. It's not your place to take on this holier than thou attitude, raise your noses at people and think you already made it to heaven.

The point of this post is a question.

For those of you who claim to be believers (I read a specific comment on Myne's blog one time that was directed only to believers and i just shook my head. I can't stand the writer of that comment and he annoys me more than anything/one else around these parts but we won't go into that), how much responsibility do you think you have to be an example and what do you think that entails?  I have seen so called Christians be anything but Christ-like. Holding grudges, having an unforgiving spirit, judging, condemning, looking down and shunning people they think are sinners, picking and choosing what part of the bible they want to ignore, ranking one sin above another, having no love or empathy in their hearts, having no clue what charity or being your brother's keeper means, like i said being everything else but christ-like. These are the people who claim to be born again and are supposed to be one with God. People who cannot let a Sunday go by without going to church. Being a church goer does not mean anything. It's what's in your heart that really matters and your relationship with God.  Did the bible not say, by their fruits we shall know them? I see your fruits and i don't knowwwwwwwwww........o_O

When i look at such people, if i didn't know better, i would want to have nothing to do with Christianity. Yes, salvation is personal but there are a lot of people in this world who are lost and need guidance, not only with regards to religion but in all aspects of life. If you as a Christian are not able to inspire someone to want to be like you, and instead make them question what version of the bible you are reading, then you are not doing what Jesus would do. Whoever came up with that question "What would Jesus do?" was right on the money. Let's keep it sweet and simple, WWJD? You can never go wrong with that.

No one died and made you God.

Self righteousness is not cute. Stop it!