Lessons from 2012

• Sometimes even our best laid plans don't work out
• There are things we will never have the answers to.
• Life is about taking chances, it's hardly ever black or white
• Never give relationship advice no matter how well meaning. 
• Happiness is priceless and worth chasing after.
• When you have fallen completely flat on your face, there's no where else to go but back up

It's interesting some of the things i have discovered this year. The craziest of all is a relative who is resentful of the fact that i am going to be a doctor. I didn't realize being in med school was something to get a big head over, or being a doctor automatically means i think i am something. It's quite sad actually, quite sad. When i got into med school, this same person said something to the effect of me not being admitted into med school based on merit and i was a bit shocked and confused at the same time cos i didn't understand what she was getting at and why she would say that. I overlooked it. Now it has gotten worse, always alluding to the fact that i think i'm bigger than myself cos i am in med school. If i was a different kind of person, i would say she was jealous because she wanted to go to med school herself, but i won't think that way. If only she knew that medicine is a big headache and nothing to be pompous about, but that's her cross to bear. I am leaving all that madness behind in 2012.

I need things to be different. I need to feel better physically and mentally. I need to get myself back and i can't be worrying about crazy people. I have to decide what to do with my life in 2013, my goal is to graduate med school and get into residency and everything i do in 2013 is going to be geared towards that. I don't have time for nonsense.

Happy New Year to all my blog readers. You guys are awesome as always. To my "friends" who read this blog as a way to check up on me when my number hasn't changed, God is watching you in 3D.

I am so glad 2012 is over!!!!

Sami Yusuf - Asma Allah

Dear Self

Pat on the back for making it through 2012 with your sanity intact. 2012 was not a fun year and I know you are glad to see it end. 2013 is shaping up to be a toughie but you are tougher and you will get through all the huddles that are set to come your way. Remain focused and disciplined, take the lessons you have learned from 2012 and apply them to your life, always remember to keep your head up because the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strongest.

Be cognizant of the fact that you are not perfect and will continue to make mistakes and when that happens, take steps to right your wrongs, learn from it and move on. Keep the people who love and support you close and don't worry about the rest. Do not depend on anyone for your happiness, that will always be a mistake. Remember, if someone is not adding positively to your life, they do not need to be in it. Embrace light, seek happiness, pursue grace as these will carry you far and help you have a peaceful life.

You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it and where there is no struggle there is no strength. You are a better person for it. I am so proud of you. I admire your strength, courage and the ability to persevere where others would quit. Keep pushing because the end is in sight.

I love you so much and i wish you the best 2013 has to offer.

Go get 'em girl!

 Love,
M. Sting

How things are Done in Uganda

19 things Single people hate being told

I saw this in somewhere online. Can't remember. 

1. It happens when you're not looking. "This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." —Beth
 2. There are plenty of fish in the sea. "I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." —Kelly
 3. So, why are you single? "I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" —Erica
4. You're too picky. "This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I'm already down." —Sarah
5. You'll find the right person for you. —Kelly
6. He's out there. —Kelly
7. It was just bad timing. "Like it's so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason." —Taryn
8. Just have fun with it! "Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." —Maya
9. Have you tried online dating? "Duh!" —Elisa
10. He just wasn't the right guy for you. "I know! That's what I'm complaining about!" —Elisa
11. Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together… "Wait, I still want to talk about me." —Elisa
12. When the time is right, you will meet someone. —Betsy
13. Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes! "Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" —Kim
14. Your turn next [at weddings]. —Natlondon, via Twitter
15. It will happen when you least expect it. —dlegas05, via Twitter
16. Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. "I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." —frolicblog, via Twitter 1
7. But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? "There's just no graceful way to answer that." —earnesteats, via Twitter
18. It just wasn't meant to be. "Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds." —Reberoodle, via Twitter
19. Sure, my guy rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already? "Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I'm not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I'll call your boyfriend and ask him if he wants to grab a beer and watch the Yankees game?)" —Kim

Awww....Verastic Engagement

I just can't stop cheesing anytime i watch this video, which is three times and counting. Vera is the reason i blog today and i don't even think she knows it. I didn't know anything like blogging/blogger existed before i read a post she put on nigeriansinamerica.com where she talked about blogging and she linked her blog. I spent hours devoring this girls' post. She was funny! as hell. Then i started blog hopping through her blog list and discovering more Nigerian blogs. Jan 23rd, 2007 another Nigerian blogger was born, all thanks to verastic. This video is the first time i have watched her speak and it was weird. Heck, she refused to show us her face until this year (can't remember exactly). I have talked to her on the phone/co-hosted on her show and listened to her talk on her radio show, but seeing her speak was just.....my brain had to make the connection. LOL. I am happy for her and share in her joy. Funmi was by her side as usual....I love that friendship.

Mikki i saw you too o. Looking all cute and stylish. I wish i could rock that hairstyle.

Anyway, congratulations vera. I told you, you were the next big thing and it's going to happen.

P.S what happened to that book you were writing? You think say I don forget?

P.P.S. Igwe and I have the same birthday, Oct 29, so that automatically makes him a great guy. Only special people were born on Oct 29. Just saying. I might be biased but it's the truth.

Olokun's Friend

I've had this thought in my head for some time now that just won't go away. I know people don't generally like debating about religion which is fine, but i think the minute you stop asking questions, you stop growing and you might as well roll over and die.

So my question is

Why is Christianity better than our African traditional religion?
Why does paganism have a negative connotation?
Why does God mean something different from god?

But the first question just won't leave my mind. Were we just a bunch of lost heathens doomed to hell until Christianity was introduced to us?

I don't understand religion 100%. Has anyone ever stopped to question what they were doing and why? Would you be a christian if you were not born into it? PROBABLY NOT. I've had friends say "I was born a catholic and will die a catholic". What does that tell you? I cannot imagine being a catholic, yet they are Christians.

For the first 9 yrs of my life i was a Muslim, simply because i was born into it. If my father was into religion, i would probably still be a Muslim, if not in practice, at least in name. I "became" a christian when my mother decided she wanted to start going to church. No, she did not convert. She stopped going to church because she married a muslim. She never went to a mosque but we celebrated sallah and our uncles and aunties and cousin were free to come pray at our house. I still remember the little plastic kettles used for washing up before praying and my brother would pray with them or go through the motions. He was really little, so i know he wasn't actually praying. There was a lot of hoopla surrounding her re-christianization including threats of divorce but eventually things settled down and we were christians.

I attended the same church until i left Nigeria. Now that i am no longer a part of that church and can view things objectively, i will be frank to tell you that that church was 50% church, 50% native doctor. I'm not kidding or exaggerating, but of course everything was covered under the cloak of christianity and the bible. It's so EASY to be brain washed especially when you are part of something. You divorce yourself of the ability to think independently. Things that other people would see as crazy becomes the norm for you cos that's how things are done. The basis for christianity is the bible, so why are we doing things that are clearly not bible based and why is no one asking questions?

I should gist you guys about my church. That's my christmas project.

I barely know anything about African traditional religion but that has been put on my to do list. I think it's important to learn so if nothing else, i can defend my choices. At this point i have a very ambivalent relationship with christianity. I could take it or leave it. I suspect i will always be a mix match kind of girl. Please don't worry about my salvation, it's personal, abi? Channel all your negative thoughts if any into praying for me. That's WJWD.

*Olokun
Our neighbors were olokun worshippers. Their dance is some serious business.

I'll Be There For You

Sting's Motivational 101

"The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.

- Napoleon Hill, author.

 "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
- Khalil Gibran

"People who are optimistic see a failure as due to something that can be changed so that they can succeed next time around, while pessimists take the blame for the failure, ascribing it to some characteristic they are helpless to change." 
- Daniel Goleman, is an author, psychologist, and science journalist. 

"Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves."

- Thich Nhat Hanh, is a Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist now based in France.

 

Best Wedding Shot

I have seen better shots but google images is not cooperating tonight, but you get the idea.

I needed a little distraction, hence this. 

If you are planning a wedding, take note. I think this is a great wedding shot.

My view

I am just picturing this tree decorated with christmas lights. 

It's the simple things. 

I can't believe it still hasn't snowed this year. 

I'm just begging for one more week, then it can snow when i'm gone. 

I am thankful

Like i said, it's the simple things.

Now, if only i had a maid.

Expectations

We have all heard of the saying "Don't have expectations and you won't be disappointed" or something along those lines. I think that is a very unrealistic statement that is founded on bullshit. Really. It's one of those things that is supposedly "common sense" but is so easy to say and impossible to do. I believe relationships are built and develop based on expectations. Not just romantic relationship, any relationship at all. Parents, siblings, friends, workers. If i hire a housemaid, i would have expectations of her and vice versa. We all have expectations from people but they are different based on the type of relationship you have with that person.

When you come up with a list of things/qualities you want in a guy, what do you think that is? In any relationship we feel there are certain things that should go without saying, those are expectations. I get annoyed at my siblings sometimes because i feel they are not doing what i expect them to do. We have never talked about those things, I think they should just know. Expectations become a problem when they start becoming unrealistic. For example, I have always had a problem with girls who expect heaven and earth from guys. He is not your father. Now, if you expect those same things from your father, that would be appropriate because he is your father, that's what's he's there for.

I think instead of saying have no expectations from people, you should tweak your expectations as your relationship with that person evolves. You could lower it or increase it depending on the situation.  If someone continues to disappoint you, then it's only wise to stop expecting much from that person or after watching enough naija movies, it's okay to lower your expectations regarding the ending of a lot of good movies. It's almost like the director gets tired and says let's end this thing, therefore you get a good movie, crappy ending. It's okay to lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed.

I really do think it's very unrealistic not to have expectations from our significant others, close friends and family, we are not built that way and people should stop giving that advice. I think if you want to say, don't have any expectations from this particular person based on XYZ, then that's valid. It's not a blanket statement that should be used for everyone.

How much time?

Today we had to tell a patient he had 6 months to live. It was tough.  Haven't you ever wondered how doctors come up with those numbers? In this case, since he is my patient i was assigned the task of getting the numbers. There's no magic calculator, it's all research. I had to go dig in the literature and i didn't have to do much digging because we already knew the prognosis for what he has is grim but we just wanted numbers.

He has End stage liver disease due to alcoholic cirrhosis, acute kidney injury due to acute tubular necrosis and hepatorenal syndrome (long story short, your kidneys stop working because your liver is not working). All that added together, based on research gives you a 50% survival rate at 1 month and 20% survival rate at 6 months. If you use his MELD score (which is used to prioritize people for liver transplant), his prognosis is 31% survival in 3 months. He is not eligible to be put on the transplant list because he only stopped drinking in Sept when his ascites started and his urine drug screen was positive for cocaine less than a month ago. You have to have been clean for 6 months, to even be considered to be put on the transplant list.

So we (or rather my senior) told him that he had 6 months to live. In reality it could be much less but my attending decided we go with 6 months because it's easier for patients to grasp that better than 3 months. At least that's what i understood. If his kidneys recover which is a possibility, he could have longer. Unfortunately once your liver is cirrhotic or damaged there's no chance of it recovering on its own. Either way, things don't look great for this man.

It was tough watching his reaction but i think even though we gave him numbers today, it was easier than the first time we told him things were not looking great 2 days ago, cos then he started crying and saying how much he wants to live and he is ready to fight. Today, you could see him struggling to hold himself together and look for any ray of hope. The one thing i have learned is that you always want to let your patients have hope, definitely not lie to them but let them retain some sort of hope while being as realistic as possible. I think my senior did a great job and i learned so much just watching her go through things with him.


Watching people suffer doesn't make me feel better about my lot in life instead it makes me want to do the best with the time i have that i am healthy and able to do things because i have no clue what tomorrow has in store for me, but it's hard. I'm struggling. Everyday is a struggle. 2012 has not been my year.

On a brighter note, my mom turns 60 tomorrow and she could easily pass for a 50 yr old.  I remain thankful.

Recipe for Friendship

It's one thing to say or think you are a good friend, it's another to actually be a good friend. I don't think i am a good friend. In fact, i know i am not a good friend and have let a lot of friendships fall to the side or should i say life happened. I don't have a level head or a small mouth and my memory is pretty good. I guess that puts me in the bottom of the good friend pile. However, the one thing i know is that if I consider you my friend, i would actually care about you and go above and beyond to be there for you if you need me.  It's really not what you say but what you do that matters in the end. I remain thankful that God blessed me with sisters. Friends come and go but family is forever......even the crazy ones.

Expectations are like the devil's agbada. You could get lost in its folds and probably suffocate in it - Madame Sting.

Instructions for Life

Simple Speak - Do not by Grace Pullen

Secret of a Happy Marriage......

.....as told to me today unsolicited by my 89 yr old manic patient

Only two things

1. Be very tolerant because no one is perfect
2. Have a bad memory 

Dude is a trip and a half. He gave me the advice anyway even though i told him i wasn't married. Oh and he told my intern and senior who he assumed were married to each other to have lots of sex everywhere.  

Lace

So elegant, graceful, chic and timeless. I fell in love with lace last summer. There's something about it that's so sophisticated and girly. I am starting to like girly these days.

I just decided I want a lace wedding dress. That's half the work. Am i the only one who has no desire to wear a strapless wedding dress?

 Anyhoo, it's going to be a long next couple of weeks. I have my eyes on the 21st. 

Hey to all my new subscribers and my mostly silent readers. Much love. 

Have a good week guys and don't look for trouble.

P.S. Make no assumptions. Those are bad for you, every time. I promise :)

I have been in this Country too Long

I need to wash my white coat but i don't need to do laundry. I just need to wash one white coat. I have two white coats, one medium and one small. I don't like the medium cos it's too big and i feel like i look dowdy in it. I wear it anyway and just fold the sleeves, but i have an OSCE on wednesday and it helps my confidence to at least look sharp, so i would like to wear my small white coat. But it's dirty cos i've worn it all week.

I brought it home yesterday and left it on the chair with every intention of hand washing it. I've been looking at it all day and believe it or not, i have been very reluctant to wash it by hand. I'm scared i won't do a good job of it and it won't be clean. This is what America has done to me. I'm trying to think of anything i have hand washed besides underwear since i've been here and i am drawing a blank. Oh, i hand washed some socks a couple of weeks ago cos i ran out and didn't have time to do laundry. Even underwear i hand wash, maybe once a year, if that.

We didn't have a washer and dryer in Nigeria AND i went to boarding school, so i have lots of experience with hand washing clothes.In primary school my mom paid someone to wash our clothes but secondary that shit stopped. I used to hate washing sheets, jeans and my mother's wrappers where you had to make sure you washed the white edges. It was horrible. Thank God those days are over.

I just thought it was interesting that i am now scared/reluctant to hand wash. Maybe it's cos it white. I dunno. I still want a maid though. The older i get the more i hate housework. Good thing is i still enjoy cooking, hopefully that doesn't turn into a chore too.

Ok bye. Books acalling.

Manology

I actually ended up not presenting the patient. I told my Senior i wasn't ready to present and she asked the intern to present. Got off at 12noon and have Sunday off. Happiness!!!!

 Title of the book is Woman Habits by Shanel Cooper-Sykes.

 11 Ways This Book Help You Attract Men, Money and Happiness Unlike Anything You've Seen Before (Preview 11 of the 50 Habits)

1.  HOW TO WEAR STILETTOS) -- 99% of women wear them wrong! Get expert tips to wear, stand and walk in stilettos like a supermodel. Plus, the secret "muscle" (not your calf muscle) you must use to ROCK stilettos with fierce and POWERFUL look. (Habit #27 
2. How to Reinvent Yourself - Keep the focal point on you by transforming yourself with NEW wardrobe and mindset changes. (Habit #11) 
3. How to take care of your vagina (Habit #30) Right and wrong way to wash your vagina, exfoliate your vagina and how to tell if "something" is wrong. Think using soap and water is the correct way? Think again! Let It Go -- 
4. how to let go of things that are holding you back and keeping you from moving forward (Habit #5)
5. How to Wear Bras and Shape Your Breasts (Habit #19) -- Instantly transform your breasts to look full, sexy, attractive by using these simple tips. 
6. How to "pee" in public restrooms (Habit #32) -- Important tips on how to use public restrooms. 
7. The Vagina Workout -- Take pride in being super tight and right by learning how to give the vaginal "death grip" that brings men ultimate sexual pleasure. (Habit #35) 
8. How to be "submissive" (and gain power) (Habit #42) -- Attract more bees with honey, resolve more conflicts, solve more problems, be more flexible and powerful as a woman when you learn this secret.
9. Act like a lady, think like a woman (Habit #45) --Why you should be a lady in everything you do, say, think and do. 
10. How to protect your relationship (Habit #43) - What confident women do to keep their relationship in A+ shape mentally and emotionally. 
11. How to perform "oral sex" -- as unladlylike as this may seem... I'll reveal a technique called "UNHINGE" that gives you jaw-dropping, deep and wide capabilities to BLOW his mind. (Habit #47) and many more (39 other habits)

This lady is not playing. I love her already. 

Manology----

I think Rev Run is the shiznit! I love the guy. Tyrese....meh, but i love me some Rev Run and his wisdom.

• Want a great relationship, Ask questions. NEVER assume anything.  Assumptions are the temites of relationships
• Ladies: When a man says he loves you but doesn't act like it, ONLY believe what he does, not what he says. 
• Single ladies stay happy and have fun. Just because you are boylesss, doesn't mean you have to be joyless. 

I have books to read, so i can't search for more, just search #manology on twitter. 

Having a good relationship

 My apologies to anyone who came to read about how to keep a man in my last post. You really should have known better. I have nothing. LOL. I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

esmile4ena commented on my last post....

hmmmmm. You serious abi u dey joke? What I know is the above just might work. Truth is 4 out of 5 times the most hardworking wins. I have been best man and compere enough times to knowquite often when it comes down to picking a woman, guys usually pick the one who takes care of them the most. U doubt me? That "runs girl" in uni actually does wash and clean for her boyfriend. So when you hear "na ashawo first dey marry" know it is because "ashawo" holds tight to her man and believes she is not good enough and works extra hard and railroads the man to the altar and the couple gets thrown "white rice" as confetti (oyibo culture. if you throw rice wey people never chop for Africa, na quarrel you dey find) How is that for "white on rice?

He was the only one who thought my tips could be valid. Does he have a point? I am also very curious as to what it takes to "keep" a man aka have a good relationship. Of course, it takes two to tango and both parties have to want to work on it, but what can a woman do? What are the basic things men want?

People say men are like babies. How true is that? I would love to have someone cater to me too, so i see how a man might enjoy that kind of treatment, but does that guarantee a good relationship? I really would love some insight on this topic.

There's this one man like that that i'm trying to keep, so help a sista out. In case you are wondering, his name is Jesus. He could be jewish or Mexican but that's for me to know and for you to guess.

Ore-Oluwa followed with a post on How to get the Man of your dreams. LOL. Getting cool with mom doesn't always work o.

5 foolproof ways to keep a Man

1. Be on your guy like white on rice. Call him all the time to check up on him. You have to be the first person he talks to in the morning and the last person he talks to at night. You have to know where he is and what he is up to at all times of the day. Guys like it when you don't give them breathing space it shows how much you care. 
2. Guys like a strong (African) woman. If they talk one, you talk two. Let him know this is the 21st century and nobody can be the boss of you. Make sure he knows you are both the head and the neck. Show him how much of a fighter you are, that way he knows when push comes to shove, you will ride or die for the relationship. 
3. Mold and shape him into exactly how you want him to be. Men are hard to find these days so take the best one you can find even though he might not be exactly what you want. If you want a preppy guy and you see a ruffian who knows how to speak good English, no worries. Just spruce him up, it's all about helping him advance as a person and guys love that. Besides, they love when you dress them and tell them how to act. Just don't do it (too much) in public. 
4. Tell him what you want him to do, over and over and over again. He will thank you for it as he is aware of his limitations which include a short attention span or just plain laziness. You just have to keep reminding him. You wouldn't do it if you didn't love him and he knows that. Some people might call it nagging, but what do they know? 
5. If you do all of the above and he stops answering your calls and starts avoiding you. Make sure you keep calling. 10 calls in one minute, is that the best you can do? Persistence is the key. Show up at his house, job, church, mother's house unannounced. How else would he know you really love him and can't imagine not having him in your life?

When you hold on tight to someone because you really love them and you can't imagine life without them, sometimes you end up holding too tight and choking the life out of it. Release and stand back. What's yours is yours. Relax.

"We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still." 
- Mignon McLaughlin

Pop quiz

Who can tell me what UAF means? Like some attendings like to say, i'm really asking you to read my mind o_O

 On a good note, that was SOME sleep. I feel like a human being again . It was all kinds of awesome plus i slept on the couch cos i was hoping to wake up to study. I did in fact wake up (multiple times) but only to reset my alarm. There was no studying done and i know nothing about my patient. I was on call yesterday which means i stayed in the hospital until 8.30pm, didn't really get a chance to finish my lunch. Got home at almost 9pm, reheated my "lunch", struggled to finish it, lamented about my unhappiness to an unlucky friend and went to sleep.

Oya, UAF, what does it stand for? It's just a little something that crossed my mind yesterday.

UAF= Ugly as Fuck

How to leave someone and other things.....

HOW TO LEAVE SOMEONE -- by Shanel Cooper-Sykes (Find her on facebook)

First, understand that some people are emotionally blind, deaf or lazy. You are not a surgeon so stop trying to FIX them. Second, decide that YOU are important. Third, while you do that, pack your things emotionally and physically. Fourth, realize that nothing you DID, SAID, DO or SAY will make THEM see how important you are. Don't be afraid to hurt, you will heal. Don't feel guilty, they don't. END so that You can BEGIN with someone who can return your love. Life is NOT A DVR... stop rewinding and living in the past!!! PRESS PLAY!!!

"I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." -Anon

One of the most powerful quotes i have seen in recent times. I am actually going to make a poster out of it and read it everyday.

 "Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it." - Oprah Winfrey

If you haven't subscribed to the daily love, you should. I get a lot of inspirational quotes from there.