The beat of your own drum

Are you your own person? 

Are you marching to the beat of your own drum? 

Do you let other people's opinion about something or someone determine your behavior

or 

Do you take the time to think for yourself? 

You were given a brain for a reason

Take the time to use it

you do yourself a disservice if you don't

Authenticity

Very important

 

Time for some Tea and Tylenol 

Good afternoon

Calling people out?

I think i just figured it out. #lifeofanewlymintedinsomniac

Nothing annoys/irritates me more than reading a post that is more or less a cryptic message. They want to say something about someone but don't want to say it. So they say enough to push your amebo button then leave you hanging. Stuff like that is what turns people into paranoid detectives. That is, if they have nothing better to do with their time and still have fucks left to give. If you want to talk about something or someone, then talk about it. If you are playing tactful diplomat and want to throw stones from afar then I humbly suggest you swallow that shit like a big girl and stop the cryptic madness. It annoys me to no end and a certain blogger is more guilty of it than others. No! I will not be naming names because this does not directly have to do with me (or does it?). I guess i feel like turning people into paranoid detectives today :)

Long story short, when i have shit to say about someone, i save you all the hassle of turning into amateur Sherlock Holmes and say it. Life is too short, why make it harder on my beloved readers. LOL. Instead of that stupid Anonymous idiot to be thanking me, she was accusing herself of always calling people out. Btw, Auntie Anonymous, in case of next time, I know who you are o! I don't know why you thought you were hidden just because you commented anonymously. Too easy.

Girly

I did the most girly out of character thing today and i just have to blog about it for posterity's sake. My Ambulatory clinic this month is 30 mins away from my apartment without traffic. Me being me, i started off the month leaving home at 830am, so while i would get to clinic at 9am which is technically on time, I would sometimes be too late for the first patient, so i had to start leaving at 8.15-8.20am to get there with 5 mins to spare.

Last night was a mess, i ended up with insomnia that was without question a direct curse from the gods. I kid you not. Amadioha must be vexing for me or something. I only slept for an hour if that. I don't even think i slept at all, so to say i was a bit sluggish this morning is an understatement. Breakfast was out of the question because at about 2am when i first got out of bed in frustration, my first stop was my fridge. I ended up eating 5 sticks of string cheese and 2 packets of special K pastry crisps out of boredom and felt instantly sick. By 4am, i had abandoned all attempts at sleeping, so i watched some episodes of Judge Judy. 6am-7am is a blur, so i guess i must have slept then, by 7am i was ranting about my insomnia then I took a shower, got dressed, packed lunch and made some peach flavored tea with honey.

At about 825a, i noticed my nail polish was chipped on all fingers. I debated whether to get nail polish remover and clean it off or since the nail polish was on the table, re-apply nail polish. Now that i am writing about it, i wonder if lack of sleep was making me delirious. First off, this is the second time this year, i am using nail polish. I don't have the patience for such things. I like how it looks and everything especially if it is a pretty color but it's just not something i take the time to do. My normal self would have ignored the chipped nails and gone to work like that since i was already late, actually my normal self wouldn't be wearing nail polish in the first place. Instead, I stood there this blessed morning and painted all my fingernails over forgetting that i hadn't put on socks. LOL. I'm just sitting here laughing thinking about my socks wearing fiasco this morning. I'm a mess and a half. I almost didn't wear socks but the 19 degree weather put the fear of God in me. I somehow somehow chooked my legs inside those socks, succeeding in messing up my nails a bit. I made it to work, late of course but thankfully, the first patient was scheduled for 920am, so all was well in the world.

Na wa! How do girly girls do it? I can't shout o. The truth is, i can't stand being unkempt at work, I'd rather not have nail polish at all than show up with chipped nails which is why i don't bother with such things. Now at home, i can be a bum from now till tomorrow. I roll into the Walmart which is down the street from my apartment looking homeless from time to time and that doesn't bother me at all. My mother would probably scream if she ever saw how i leave the house sometimes. Thank God she's not here.

Demons and Living corpses

Thanks to Amazon prime, Netflix and more free time, i have been watching a lot of TV shows lately. I just started season 7 of Intervention (which is the first season Amazon prime has available) and it's so obvious that a lot of people have serious demons to deal with in life and we have some living corpses amongst us. It is very sad to watch. Drug addiction is a horrible thing and some people are never able to shake it. During my psych rotation, i was on Psych consults and we were consulted for an older man in his 70s with suicidal ideation. He was very angry when we walked in. The nurses had warned us prior because he had been giving them hell. The NP had gone with me but i was the one supposed to conduct the interview. The man barked at him and was quite frightening to be honest but as mean as he seemed by the end of talking to him, he was in tears and apologising. Come to find out that he was angry at himself for not being able to get rid of his addiction. He had been trying to get clean since the 70s and it was relapse after relapse, now he has grandkids he wants to be there for but he can't because of his addiction. I felt for him and watching intervention, it's easy for me to empathize with some of them because i understand how much of a disease addiction is and realize the uphill battle they have to face. It's quite sad actually.

Orange is the New Black! Seriously!!!!! The first time i heard about the show was the halloween black face incident with Julianne Hough. When i say i haven't watched any sort of TV this year, i am not kidding. That show sucked me in and I didn't realise until the season was over that there was only season 1. I wouldn't have started watching it if i knew that because i like to accumulate seasons of shows before i start watching especially if it's a good show because i can't stand suspense. Which is why i still haven't watched Scandal. I hope it lives up to the hype when i do watch it.

Then last but not least, Duck Dynasty. I haven't laughed at any show as much as i did watching season 1. I'm yet to watch season 2-4 because they are not free on prime and I have no patience for the free TV sites these days, but i'm working on getting the DVDs. It is an unexpectedly good reality show. Uncle Si is a hoot. I love Jase too, i think they are very intelligent and witty.

I also got into my Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, Bridezillas and Toddlers and Tiaras (for a little bit).

What shows do you TV watching people recommend?

Sex and Old Goats

Haven't felt like blogging but I know I promised you guys a post about my epiphany in clinic. Long story short, a lot of middle aged men have some sort of erectile dysfunction. There's the myth of the strong virile man who can have kids anything he wants, even well into his 80s. That's not exactly true. Now I know why Viagra is so popular and smart women chose to be cougar's. These women know what's up. These randy old goats can't get it up half the time, sometimes even with the help of Viagra, which is not effective in everyone.

It now makes sense why men who were painting the town when they were young, calm down when they start to get older because their penises decided to close shop on them. Ha ha!

Of course, this is not the case for every man but it is very, very prevalent, starting as early as the 40s. Don't let these men deceive you.

Thank God for Viagra, although Cialis seems to be a favorite brand these days. I had a patient apologize to me for asking for Cialis in front of me. lol. I was like, I'm going to be a doctor, I should be comfortable in any situation, which I am. I guess he was embarrassed.

Biggest thing I found that helps is to be physically fit, as in exercise and remain in good shape. If you have diabetes, there's a huge risk for erectile dysfunction because of vascular problems. I also just found out that there's a link between diabetes and low testosterone. I need to read up on that. So guys, diabetes is not your friend, neither is being a fat, inactive human.

So philander away while you are young, because you might not be able to when you get older. J/k. Seriously though, the biggest thing I got from this is that being a cougar is the way to go. Lol. Ok, let me be serious. After seeing older married guys in their 60s come in for whom Viagra has been ineffective and hearing them say it's okay and sex is not that important, it made me realize how important it is to end up with the right person, a good friend and partner. That's the biggest epiphany I had.

Although to paint a complete picture, a lot of older people have very active sex lives. You can ask people who work in nursing homes, let them tell you stories. But ask these men to tell you the truth about their erectile dysfunction, especially the pot bellied toads who chase after everything in skirts. They are probably overcompensating for their inability in the bedroom. I kid, I kid.

*I am referring specifically to randy old Nigerian goats in this post. Not my poor innocent patients. Na the one wey concern me, naim I go talk.

Talk about self hate

Linda Ikeji is wrong for this . I know an ugly guy when I see one and this guy is not ugly. He is not the best looking guy out there but he is not ugly. The only striking thing about him is how dark he is and for Linda to sit there and mock his girl friend for talking about how cute he is and how she loves him is just wrong. African Americans think they are the only ones who have to deal with the light skin dark skin debate. They should talk to all the people who were called blackie growing up in Nigeria. We had a private tutor growing up whose nick name was blackito because he was darker skinned. We hardly have people this dark in Nigeria but Linda proved just how ignorant she is with such a stupid post. I don't even want to talk about the idiotic comments on that post.

Black is beautiful people. Embrace your own.

This is my 900th post on this blog. Bow down Bitches!

Life is in Session

You would think that would be obvious but this chic has chosen not to be cognizant of that fact. It's almost as if i'm not "growing up" and life is not really happening right now because i'm still in school. This place is not my home, i'm just here for school so i refused to change my tags or license even though there's a huge possibility i won't be going back home for residency. I have friends but never took the time to cultivate those friendships because it was all about book, book, book, so it's almost as if i don't have friends and when i say that i don't have friends to said people, they look at me and say what about me. In my mind, "this" is not real, it's all temporary and after this is done, then i will start to live. Well, "this" is not about to be done any time soon, because after med school, comes residency and possibly fellowship and in that time, i have to fit in a family somehow and that dog that my heart refuses to stop desiring, so life is happening now. I'm still trying to get with that program

I will never be a child again. This not boarding school where i get to go home every holiday. I've only been home once this year for 2 days, so i somehow need to embrace this fact that my life is in session and this is my life whether i like it or not and i am a grown woman whether i like it or not. My brain and face has refused to accept the grown woman part. I just think i'm not aging and i'm in limbo, like some sort of mental inertia. 

On that note, I need to make a bucket list. First, travel to the North (Nigeria) and finally get that rich alhaji and become his 9th favorite wife. That is not a joke. If i'm going to be shackled it might as well be with the right accoutrements. Wealth looks good on me. Afterall, i am a child of wealth (check my bio ;)

A classmate was saying that she went into medicine for money. I told her she was crazy. There are way easier things with better pay to do for money than medicine. Business for example, i know those white collar people on wall street or whereever make billions and they never had to do rectal exams or disimpact any bowels in their lifetimes.

Will put up the epiphany post soon.  The world has been deceiving us and my eyes have been opened.  Whomp! 

Ladies, I have good news

So I'm in clinic right now and I just had an epiphany about these men and their cheating ways and how Karma really is a bitch but I need to do a little research before I talk about my little light bulb moment.

Sweet tooth

Today....I'm sad! 

It's official. 

I've lost my sweet tooth :(

I've been trying to deny it for months because it honestly baffled me

The words "too sweet" never existed in my vocabulary

I drank Very Vanilla Silk Soymilk for years and now it's too sweet

The dulce de leche goya wafers i love are now too sweet and seem like i'm just eating cardboard and sugar

I drink my tea these days without sugar or honey and i'm able to appreciate the flavor

and love it *gasps*

I never thought that was possible

What in the world has happened to my taste buds? 

I mean, i bought walker's shortbread and gave it away unopened because i had no desire to eat it

The world is coming to an end, i tell you. 

#endtimetinz

Here's to the Girls

So me! 

Bum.com

makeup free 99.9% of the time

Do not own a pair of heels

lol @ perfect hair

sweatpants over skinny jeans any day

(some skinny jeans are comfy though)

I like my t-shirts at home

Definitely don't need a guy to tell me i'm beautiful

my mirror doesn't expect anything in return

I love me some me!

On a good day :)

hey! I never said my life was filled with butterflies and rainbows

I be dealing with some major angst sometimes.

Bored

Just finally downloaded BBM. I've never been a big fan of chatting. Add me if you are not a weirdo. Well, you can be a weirdo, i'll just delete you.

79D2BE18

I'm going to try to blog everyday (ha!) for the rest of this month. I need to force myself out of this funk. I still haven't told you guys of my Munchausen's/malingerer of a patient who wanted to get his jollies off me. As in!!! This man wanted to use me to catch trips. Hai! I'm still pissed just thinking about it. PISSED! I don't know how long it's going to take for it to become funny but it's been two weeks and it's still not funny. I ranted to everyone who would listen.

In hindsight, i'm glad i wasn't so gentle on his rectal exam, at least not the second time i had to do it to make sure there was no blood. If only i had known then what i know now, i wouldn't have used lube!!! Idiot.

Next blog post!

I'm black but I don't steal

I went to an Asian owned beauty supply store this past Sunday. I've been there about 4-5 times and i usually get the same thing. They hand it to me and i walk over to the front of the store, pay and leave. So I decided to get the same item  i usually get plus another, now these are relatively inexpensive stuff, less than $50. She had handed me the first item but when i said i wanted another one, she refused to hand it to me but decided to walk with me to the front of the store. So i handed her the first item also and walked with her.

It was obvious why she did that because i have been to that store multiple times, they never walk you to the register to pay and she had initially handed me the first one to go pay, but as soon as i requested another one, i guess she figured I was up to no good. I wasn't in the least bit offended because it is what it is. People are usually the way they are based on past experiences. I worked at my dad's liquor store for 5 years where 95% of the customers were black. I have never seen such blatant stealing in all my years on earth. There was an incident where this lady came in the store with her two sons, with the oldest not being more than 8. She spent at least $60 playing scratch off tickets and she lost all her money. My sister had left her purse on a chair over the counter and this lady could see it. While my sister had her back turned towards the register, ol girl reached into the purse and grabbed her wallet. Fortunately, i was coming from the back of the store and saw her reach into the purse and put something in her shirt. I didn't see what she took, but i saw the motion, so i grabbed her. We were struggling, i started screaming for my dad and that's when she took the wallet out and handed it to me before leaving. All this happened in front of her sons.

There have been customers who walked in and before you could say Jack robinson, have grabbed the half gallon of whatever liquor from the shelf and dashed out the store. I can give you incident after incident where these people just steal. Even beer that's a dollar, they don't want to pay for. If i started watching everyone who came in the store like a hawk, would i be wrong or am i going to be accused of stereotyping, or would i be acting as a result of my experience? I think one of the biggest blessings in my life, really is the fact that i majored in psychology and i've always had an open mind to begin with. There was a course where we talked about stereotyping and that helped me a lot in dealing with people. I never judge a group of people as a whole and I try to deal with people on an individual basis, if not my perception of African American people would be skewed negatively right now. All the blatant in your face discrimination i've ever faced in this country have been from them., the broad day light theft and just some all around craziness i have witnessed but i know better than to see every black person as the same as that's just stupid.

Back to Asian beauty supply store i went to on Sunday, majority of their customers are black. I'm sure she was reacting to me based on what she had experienced. That doesn't make it right, but it's life. Of course it gets to a certain extent where it crosses the line and becomes unacceptable but if you want to stereotype me and be hypervigilant around me when i come in your store because i'm black then that's your prerogative. If i don't like it,  i won't come back to your store but instead of giving the store owner a hundred percent of the blame, I will give 50% of the blame to the black people who walked in that store before me, stole and gave the rest of us a bad name.

*By the way, i was told today by an African American guy that i wasn't black. As far as he is concerned, i'm a foreigner and i'm not black. He asked me if i checked the African-American box to self identify and i said yes if there's no other option. He told me, i am supposed to check "other". Which i have on occasion, but most times those things say black/african-american. I thought it was a very interesting conversation and i ended up telling him, he didn't have to worry about me claiming to be African-American because i am not African-American, just as he is not African. However, i am black and i am African. I didn't know the term black exclusively applied to African- Americans. I made sure to tell him anyone is free to identify as whatever they wanted to as cos it's a free world. When i walk into a store and people think i'm about to steal because of my skin color, they don't ask me to speak so they can hear if i have an accent or not before i am discriminated against, we are treated the same for the most part.

Good day

Thanks for all your birthday wishes. If you follow me on instagram you would have gotten a little update. That day did not seem like my birthday at all. I missed 90% of my birthday phone calls, did not get to eat either breakfast, lunch or dinner until about 6.30pm and didn't get a chance to listen to the birthday song my niece sang for me which my sister posted on instagram until 1130pm. My senior was nice enough to send me to sleep at 12am and she gave all the new admissions (4) to the intern who was pissed and did not bother responding to my greeting when i strolled back to the team room at 5am. LOL. I felt bad but it wasn't my fault. I told her to page me and she didn't. She mentioned she had been on call on her birthday, so i guess she was just trying to be nice to me. Besides, the more patients she gives me, the more she gets so the SMS follows the same patients as the senior, so it was less work for her too.

I wasn't able to get a good sleep anyway as i am never able to sleep when i'm on call. The rooms always seem icky to me and are freezing. I ended up sleeping with my shoes on and two blankets, yet was cold to the point of waking up every hour to pee. They should have just sent me home. Anyway, that's that. I'm a year older. I gave myself the gift of good health by going to the doctor that day. I got the second admission and left for my doctor's appointment with the promise that i would be back ASAP, but that did not happen as i made sure i got Indian food and stopped by my apartment to change my shirt. Hey!  They let me escape and i did the needful.

I had dreams of coming home today from clinic and staying under my blanket to watch netflix. All that was dashed this evening. I guess in this day and age of google, God forbid anyone has any sort of privacy anymore. I'm so pissed. Mschewww......