Dr. Sting loading.......

3 weeks of orientation is finally over!

I got to know my co-residents

(it was by force by fire)

We went canoeing, 

spent two days and two nights in a different city

drove down to the mothership for a procedures workshop

suffered through the horrific EMR training at one hospital together

hung out and watched the basketball finals

went to the picnic, grad dinner and dinner with the chiefs together

dubbed ourselves the coolest residents amongst the "other" residents 

in affiliated programs

Gave our group a nickname

Had pity parties at various times over the never ending orientation

Teased each other both in person and in group texts

It's amazing what 3 weeks of forced daily all day contact

 would do to a group of people

We actually like each other.

Thank God for that!

Tomorrow i will be thrown to the wolves.

 I have gone from feeling dread 

to being excited.

Like,

WOW!!!

I dreamt it

Worked my ass off

fought 

and 

I made it!

Against all odds

through blood, sweat, copious tears

and never ending lamentations

I made it!

I freaking made it.

Jesus Halleluyah Christ! 

Amazeballs

"She believed she could, so she did!" - R.S Grey

There's a testimony in there guys

but this jollof rice i'm eating

won't free me to blog properly

One hand typing is not it.

But, 

I'm thankful!

Even when i was miserable and hated what i was doing

what i was passing through

feeling like i made a mistake

hating medicine

In my rare quiet moments 

when i got a second to breath

I was always thankful

Because 

 in my darkest hours

when i couldn't see beyond my nose

talkless of seeing any light at the end of the tunnel

There was always this distant, faded memory

of the girl who dreamt of 

becoming a doctor

So she could change lives and put smiles on faces

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

Tomorrow

at 6am

I will walk into the hospital

The same person I was yesterday

but this time as

Sting, MD

reporting for duty

Fuck what you heard! 

"She's her mother's daughter, strong African woman"

-Me, myself and Sting

Maama I made it!

I am so proud of my mother.

She's the ultimate boss. 

All that i am and all that i will ever be

i owe to her.

She's responsible for the foundation and 

the core of my soul 

I love and honor her! 

"After a while I looked in the mirror and realized.... wow after all those hurts, scars, and bruises after all of those trials, I really made it through. 

I did it.

I survived that which was supposed to kill me.

So i straightened my crown

and walked away 

like a boss"

-Author Unknown 

To all those who have read this blog and supported me, whether silently,  or through comments and emails, my soul thanks you. Thank you. Wish me luck as i step from one journey unto the next. 

P.S. Please be prepared for me to complain about intern year just as much as i complained about med school. While everything has changed, nothing has changed. 

Fear Catch Me

Talking to my mom right now after talking to my sister who is an RN/FNP. I'm still going through residency orientation and today we were given a tour of one of the hospitals, i only saw ONE other black person in the entire hospital. Talk about pressure, i feel like i'm representing the whole black race. I don't want to be the dumb black intern, too much stuff going through my head right now. My co-residents all have the same fears i do, but i just feel like my solitary blackness is adding more pressure on me. 

I'm stressed out! 

Orientation

Seems surreal, I'm not ready. Still the only black person in the program amongst faculty and staff but one of my co-residents is Indian (born and raised here) so I'm technically not the only minority. However from my med school experience, I know it's not really a big deal and because we are all humans, you soon forget that you are the only black person around especially if you are around decent people who don't treat you any different. Although, it was funny to hear the ACLS instructor refer to black people as Afro-Americans. Talking about patient population, she mentioned that prior to 5 years ago there were barely any "Afro-Americans" in the city but that is slowly starting to change. The change is slow indeed. First couple of days I went out I only saw one black person. It made me feel self conscious, but I've seen more black people since then and I've already stopped thinking about it.

We are traveling to a different city for two days tomorrow evening for a certification course. Then Friday we all go canoeing. I was the first to shout that I can't swim, although I heard about this outing during interviews. They promised rust I will be fine and would most likely not die by drowning that day.

I'm not ready for this Residency shite! I saw my schedule today. Thankfully, I'm not starting on nights like a couple of the R1s. I still feel like running away though.

Thank You

Hey guys,

Thank you very much for your congratulatory messages/comments. I apologize for not responding prior to now. We have already established that I need Jesus. I just moved to a different city, I'm still unpacking and settling in. I think there might be a ghost in my apartment, probably eating the food I just dished out. At least that's what it sounds like. I ran out to investigate just now, but nothing. Well, the apartment is big enough for two but since I'm the only one paying the rent, I will thank it not to scare me.

I love my new apartment. I intend to be happy here. I can't believe I'm actually an MD. Can I just retire now?