Unbeliever?

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. 

That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable

 Bennan Manning 

A very nice Lady I just met while we were having a conversation asked me if i was a believer. I was taken aback, because no one has ever asked me that question before and I didn't even know "Are you a believer?" could be asked as a question. I'm serious. How am I supposed to answer that?! Are you a christian, would have been less surprising to me. Anyway, while i was caught off guard by the question, even though I knew saying No would be odd an, I couldn't say yes. I don't remember exactly how what i said but i probably sputtered incoherently, but she noticed my obvious discomfort and was like it's okay.  Then i said i have my issues with religion. This is an awesome Naija lady who is prominent in the naija community in the city i just moved to and i know Naija people and how important religion is, even though i would have liked to make a good impression, I just can't lie about that. Anyway, it doesn't seem to have affected her impression of me, because she still calls me to come get food :)

I don't know what i am really. Atheist, Agnostic, in between, christian, or student of the world? Maybe more student of the world because as time has passed i have found myself uncomfortable saying i am a christian (they actually ask you that in some hospitals) because i don't believe (Ha! Madam unbeliever). But the issue is what don't i believe in? God, Jesus or the religion? I think it's more the religious aspect of religion (hahaha) that i am not geling with. The Bible contains a lot of contradictory things especially in the old testament and I don't like how it seems to be so open to subjective interpretation. There's just too much chaos going on. I think some books of the bible are awesome, containing sound principles and teachings but what of the ones that are just off. Do we just pick and chose what to pay attention to? What about the books of the bible that are not included in the bible most people have? What about the vast majority of Christians who pick and chose what practices to abide by? 

Then when i see certain representatives of Christ aka Men of God, I just give up! Add to that the general mentality of their flock, I'm just done. Case closed. Period. The End! Nothing to write home about. It's all over. Close the book, moving on! 

I went to church for the first time in 4 years in July. It was quick and dirty, 1 hr 15mins just how i like it but I just wasn't feeling it. I like the praise and worship but the whole thing was just off to me. 

 I'm open to listening, learning, trying but at all times I will always be true to myself. I haven't gone back to Church. I don't know when next i will, maybe the next time I'm invited again, because that's how i ended up in church in the first place. I still love Joel Osteen and his teaching but i haven't listened or read anything from him in years. 

I was thinking to myself the other day, how i have never wanted a God fearing man, like most people i know. I'm so random and off and weird but that's okay. LOL. I just want a normal person. When the thought occurred to me, I was just like, Girl you need Jesus. This actually happens to currently be my favorite saying "xyz needs Jesus". My co-residents now know me for that. LOL.

Religion is actually a pain in the ass if you ask me. Look at what crazy people have reduced islam too. Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace, but certain lunatics have hijacked it for their own cause. I can't freaking believe we have a terrorist group in Nigeria, with parents sending their little daughters and sons to be suicide bombers. The whole world has gone to hell in a hand basket.