LOL moment

I am currently watching a movie on irokotv Stellar, and this dude wants to date a lady and she said

"..... I'm older than you". He's like, "says who? Besides it's 2015, people are having gender reassignment surgery and you are here talking about age".

I just about died with laughter. That was so funny to me.

My people, i'm not sure what is worrying me o! Whether it's SAD or my enemies in the village, I had a meltdown in clinic yesterday. I've not really been sleeping for almost 2 weeks now, because I can't seem to leave my patients at work. I carry them home with me (mentally) and i'm constantly ruminating about things especially regarding a certain patient. I had clinic all day yesterday, I got there on time. We usually have patient care conference before clinic starts at 9am, but I just couldn't imagine making it through the day without speaking to someone. I was at the point of welling up with tears intermittently out of the blue.

In our clinic, we have a switchboard which we press when we get to clinic, and your name lights up so everyone knows who is available. I saw that our PD was around, so instead of going into the clinic, i went downstairs to the admin offices. I didn't see him in his office and everywhere was pretty much empty as it was still very early. As i was going back upstairs, I saw one of the ladies in who works in the program office, the same lady I have cried to in the past, and she was like, you look so pretty. I just shook my head and couldn't even talk cos i felt like crying.

Long story short, she asked me into her office, i used half of the kleenex in the box, she stepped out, came back, then another lady came in to tell me they had assigned my morning patients to another resident. I was like what..... They said it's okay, you are family, we need you to be okay.  When my PD got out of his meeting, he asked to see me, said he would be honored to talk to me. I went to see him and we talked about my issues and he gave me a lot of helpful suggestions on how to cope with the things that were bothering me, including how to deal with certain types of patients. I shared my concern about not wanting to be seen as been incapable of handling my stuff and he said it actually looks better if  i ask for help when i need it.

I was just like wow! I couldn't have ended up in a better residency program. I ranked 19 programs, and this was my first choice, not because it's a top-shot prestigious academic program which it is not or it was the "best" ranked program, which is it also not, or it was close to home, which it is DEFINITELY not, but because it was the best program that i interviewed in for me. I was drawn to how committed they were(seemed) to their resident's wellbeing, the obvious warmth of the faculty and staff and I got that "feeling" they tell you to look out for when interviewing. The feeling of "this is my place, I will fit in here, I could be happy here". It's from the gut and sometimes it's difficult to explain to someone else.

I changed my rank list, multiple times, but i never changed my first choice. I had some buyer's remorse after i matched there (LOL, human beings) but it appears I made the right choice for me. Everyone is so chill and nice. I told my PD weeks ago, that our call room at a certain hospital needs Jesus aka a makeover and he told me to come up with a proposal with all the things we would like, check to make sure other residents are on board and he will submit the proposal to the CEO of the hospital.  I've also lobbied for our white coats to be dry cleaned when we are on the medicine service and he is working on that.  After crying in his office, i left with one of his stethoscopes. LOL. I borrowed it cos mine has been missing for a month. They are that approachable or maybe I need to be more afraid of people. I don't know.

I'm definitely getting my happy light and follow my PD's suggestion of writing more....in my journal because like i have mentioned, I can't write about patients online. He asked me if i still blogged, i said not as often, so that's something i can work on, hence this post (i guess).  I think it will give me a much needed outlet. I blogged a lot in med school without blogging about med school, so i can blog without blogging about work.

All i'm asking from you guys is to be present. Be present, ladies and gentlemen and don't let me use my EDO powers on you. LOL.

Back to my movie, Stellar, then it's The Duplex afterwards.  My sister said it's really good. It seemed like a horror movie so i didn't want to watch it, but she said it's not.

ETA: I watched 24:22 mins of The Duplex and I'm done! It seems like a horror movie! My lying ass sister. She gave me the impression that the dude was being pranked by his wife. Lies!!!